


Prompt #169: C.H.E.N (or how to make seduction seem effortless)

by JustFrancy, yourmafiaexo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 20:20:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 50,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8767879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustFrancy/pseuds/JustFrancy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourmafiaexo/pseuds/yourmafiaexo
Summary: It's never been hard; he never had to actually try hard, but Kyungsoo makes him second-guess himself, makes him want to lose this game. He knows he had right from the beginning, because Jongdae never actually fails at the art of seduction.





	

**Author's Note:**

> WARNINGS: violence
> 
> Side Pairing/s:Kai/Sehun (squint for Baekhyun/Chanyeol, Suho/Lay, Xiumin/Luhan)
> 
> A/N: I am terribly sorry for running away with your prompt, prompter-chan! I kind of destroyed it? Nevertheless I hope you do kind of enjoy it! Thanks to both of my betas as well, Y and J. I know this is a massive piece but I can’t seem to grasp the concept of a story shorter than 20k words in general...

“The department would like to issue an apology to the harm that we may have caused towards the public with the mistake of one our new employees. We’d like to assure everyone that he was dealt with as soon as we got wind of the mistake,” the government official stated, hands slightly trembling until he grabbed the edge of the desk. He was still new, he had no idea how press conferences worked, even though someone had briefed him on the script right in front of him. It was not easy stepping in for someone who was found guilty of helping the mafia.  
  
The government official just couldn’t understand how a rookie would think it was perfectly within regulation to upload a picture of the crime scene on his social media account. He shuddered as he remembered that it was even “hashtagged”, whatever that meant. He took a deep breath and glanced back at his script. Not much was written because there wasn’t much for him to say. He turned to the police officer to the side, one of the more capable ones in the department. “We know that due to this issue certain things have been dug up and spread on the internet.”  
  
The crowd in front of him was in turmoil. The journalists were looking at each other and some threw petty insults at the representative's head, but it didn't bother the man really They had fucked up before and now they had to make up for it. “Incompetent fool, not better than his forerunner,” he heard a woman say, but paid no mind to it.  
  
  
“Because of this, we’ve called on the support of the Seoul National Police to help clarify the information being spread around on social media sites. Lee Sungmin-ssi, the officer leading the case, will elaborate on this matter.” The government official wiped a stray sweat away from his brow and gestured for Sungmin to take the podium.  
  
“Hello, my name is Lee Sungmin, the police officer in charge of this case. Let me go through the timeline of events. After that, feel free to ask us any questions,” the police officer stated. “Seven hours ago we found the corpse of a young man at the port of Busan. He was located in an abandoned manufacturing building far off from the ships. It hadn’t been in use for the last 20 years. One of the fishermen, who happened to be near the area, heard a scream and found the body.  
  
“The body was found hanging over a barrel that had turned over. The cause of death was apparent,” the police officer said and shifted in his seat, seemingly nervous. “Suicide.” He was grateful that the trainee hadn't posted a detailed picture; all one could see on it was a part of the dead body. Needless to say, he had already been fired. Sungmin couldn't exactly believe that such fools existed – and managed to pass their employment test.  
  
“The victim has been identified as Park Jisung. The same 24-year-old Jisung who was part of an underground gang and was sent to prison for drug trafficking. He was released four years ago for good behaviour. Unfortunately, he was clearly under the influence of various drugs when we analysed his blood.” The officer played with his thumbs, eyes staring onto the blank sheet in front of him.  
  
Some journalists scribbled things down while others posted on their social media accounts, some were already typing up their articles on their laptop. A certain man, however, was watching the officer in front curiously. There was no need to write anything down because this was going through every TV in South Korea. Besides, this was obviously a lie.  
  
  
Eyes locked on his phone, he scanned the picture of the dead body and the bright red hole in the man's head. He was grateful that the fool that sent him pictures of the crime scene was easily swayed. The downside was that their news agency was forced to hire an incompetent employee, but he’ll let his boss handle it.  
  
“The estimated time of death is 4.35am, more than 15 hours ago.” The officer continued to share details of the investigation that had the dark haired man shaking his head. All of this was bullshit and he would have loved to leave by now, but he still needed to talk with Lee Sungmin – privately.  
  
Sungmin cleared his throat before he started speaking for the second time that night. “Once again, we'd like to apologise for the carelessness involved in our investigation. We will implement a better system when it comes to training new officers and have everyone within the department review the regulations regarding the handling of evidence. The trainee who posted the picture was fired while the picture was erased from his cellphone and all network sites. If you do find the photograph somewhere else, we kindly ask you to inform us or the respective administrators to take it down. Thank you all in advance.” He bowed his head, putting the sheet of paper in front of him away.  
  
“With this we'd like to end our press conference.” The staff informed the journalists about asking questions, telling them that if they were to have questions, they simply needed to raise their arm and introduce themselves shortly.  
  
  
So the man who had been in contact with that idiotic trainee did. He had to have a bit of as they chose all the ladies to ask their questions.  
  
  
It took a while before he got up, after the police officer motioned for him to ask his question. “I’m Do Kyungsoo from BE. You've said that he had ties to the mafia in the past. Can we say that he still had them until his death?”  
  
Sungmin swallowed hard but his eyes remained determined. It had become easy to utter a lie now, but he didn't need to. “We can't say that he had ties to the mafia, but we certainly haven’t ruled it out. The package of crystal meth we found in his pocket has caused us to investigate whether he was in contact with his old gang members, but we’re unable to draw a conclusion for now as the gang has broken up.”  
  
  
Kyungsoo sat down again, patiently waiting until all of this was over, until he could finally come face to face with the person who had just bluntly told him a lie.  
  
“Did your mom ever teach you not to lie?” Sungmin, who had just stepped out of the conference room to take a puff of his cigarette, turned his head towards the low baritone coming from behind the corner. It was already dark outside but he was not scared. There were worse times in his life – times where he was supposed to make that move the journalist had just taken.  
  
Sungmin stared at Kyungsoo, looking him up and down twice before smiling. He looked like a goody two shoes, dressed up in a blue button down shirt and trousers which were a little too short for Sungmin's liking, although the man himself was rather short for a grown man. Nothing to be scared of at all.  
  
Kyungsoo unlocked his cellphone, showing the picture he had been eyeing for the past few hours. Sungmin almost chocked on his cigarette which he quickly discarded. Hell no—  
  
“That idiot,” Sungmin grit loudly before rolling his eyes. “You do know you’re violating — ” Before the police officer could keep talking, Kyungsoo zoomed in on the most crucial part, the victim's head. He had obviously kept the original although Sungmin had asked him to fucking delete it. “I hate it when people don't listen.”  
  
“You've obviously been lying to all of them, so who paid you?”  
  
“Are you nuts?”  
  
“Is this a question I need to answer? It’s either you tell me the whole truth or this will find its way into the internet, the entirety of it,” Kyungsoo threatened and Sungmin sighed loudly. This one meant more trouble than the trainee. The police man looked around before he stepped closer. Kyungsoo took a step back in the same moment which made Sungmin laugh quietly.  
  
“You want to hear it all, yeah? I will tell you all I know.” Before rescuing his friends, Sungmin needed to rescue himself and the man who had promoted him hours ago for handling the case so brilliantly. He was praised for his quick decisions and really liked earning a little more money.  
  
Sungmin motioned for Kyungsoo to move closer and the journalist hesitantly complied. The officer couldn't blame him, he was the one with the gun. Not that he was going to use it.  
  
“You're just going to tell me?” Kyungsoo asked and uncertainty was written all over his face. Sungmin couldn't believe what he was going to do either, but he couldn’t afford to lose his job.  
  
“I’m only going to tell you what I know, but there has to be something in it for me.” He just hoped the one who paid him wouldn’t get wind of this. Their deal was, after all, for him to stop all investigations regarding Park Jisung. He just had to be careful with his words.  
  
  
“You just have to make sure that whatever I say stays between the two of us and you absolutely cannot say your info came from me. It won’t just be me who’ll be in trouble then, but you as well.” Sungmin reached forward to push Kyungsoo's cellphone down before leaning against the wall next to him. “You seemingly want to find something worth writing about, but be careful how you use my words because you and I both know the Mafia was behind this.” The police man slipped a piece of paper into Kyungsoo's front pocket of his shirt with a smile.  
  
“If you like danger, I can’t and won’t stop you from further investigating the case. If you want to write a story about Seoul's underground, I’ll give you what I know. Let me tell you though, it is not much. I was paid, yes, by the mafia. Just like my superior's predecessor, I've been keeping the ties. It bears fruits. The relationship between the police and a certain mafia group,” Sungmin told the other, hands patting the front pocket to make his point.  
  
  
“It's information exchange. They tell us everything going on underground so we can stop it, stop it before it happens. In exchange we keep quiet.  
  
  
“But since this murder happened, everything has gone a bit out of control, but a little bit of money fixed that. The man, as you can see, was obviously shot. We had the bullet analysed prior to the payment.” Sungmin took a deep breath. This was tough, but a small journalist wouldn't be able to squish information out of his friends. He had nothing to be scared off, although that couldn't be guaranteed considering he was ratting out their best source of information.  
  
  
“Belonged to a M107. It's a recoil-operated, semi-automatic sniper rifle developed in America. No idea how they managed to import it, but that wasn't my business. Mafia is always something else.” Sungmin nodded to himself and somehow Kyungsoo thought that he was speaking out of experience. Nothing he was going to question though.  
  
“I could still upload this,” Kyungsoo said, pointing down at his cellphone.  
  
“Oh I don't think you will. Too much information scares the people, believe me. It will be your ass getting a good whipping, because this man, Jisung, was mass murderer X – what a petty name by the way – who had been quiet for the last three months. He wanted to escape. There was a passport in a bag next to his body. Probably why he was killed off in the first place...” Sungmin shook his head before a smile crept on his face. “And good gracious knows what will happen if we tell them that a mass murderer has been killed by someone else.”  
  
“Isn't he practically a hero then? The murderer I mean?” Kyungsoo asked, eyebrows knitting together. There was undeniably a huge smile on the journalist's face which made him look a lot like a psychotic killer on the run. Nothing Sungmin could understand.  
  
“Someone even scarier than the mass murderer? Someone much more capable of killing people without leaving a trace whatsoever? I wouldn't exactly call it reassuring to have X gone while someone even more fearsome appears on stage. Someone we can't even give a name,” Sungmin explained, shaking his head furiously. All hell would break loose.  
  
“Someone scarier… You know who it is?” Kyungsoo asked, breaking the silence in between them, although he had the slightest idea that Sungmin didn’t want to answer this.  
  
“No, not really. There are rumors he belongs to the group that works with us but I can’t be sure. The mastermind could always be someone else, someone from a completely different group and is only framing the other. I have no idea and I was not going to ask them about that. I don't want my body to be found in the sewers the next day. I just want to write to do my job and earn money,” Sungmin explained, biting down on his bottom lip because seriously – this boring life was nice.  
  
“About the picture, Do Kyungsoo,” the police officer lifted his head, staring up the sky and the journalist followed his gaze, “as you can see, the shot went through his left eye. The quality is bad, that we know, but it's better like that. It looked horrifying. The shot wasn't the cause of death though, it was the massive loss of blood afterwards... which still turns the one who shot Jisung into a killer, a cold blooded-one. The left eyeball was completely destroyed and parts of his brain, too. Hard to even get that bullet out of his head.” The man folded his hands in front of his body before looking over at the journalist.  
  
“This was done by a professional, that's why it's even scarier. This was not an amateur... I wouldn't want to know someone like that.” Kyungsoo looked at Sungmin, who was by now busy staring at his feet until their gazes met again. “Do make a wise decision... or it will be you ending up in the sewer.”  
  
Kyungsoo looked at his hands for a moment, nodding soon after because this was a lot to process. He could say one thing though; they were freed of a mass murderer and someone who had never appeared beforehand killed him. Perhaps it was not as glum as Sungmin made it out to be.  


 

 

◆

  
  
  
Four pairs of eyes were focused on the television in front of them. One of the men rolled his eyes, sighing, hands running through his soft brown hair which reached down to his shoulders and was parted in the middle. His other free hand ran down, smoothing the white-blue stripped shirt down, fingers brushing along his name tag which read Byun Baekhyun.  
  
  
“We watched this press conference for the nth time. It's boring, simply boring. And illogical. Besides, our colleague is really late,” he pointed out to the other two, who carried even heavier sighs.  
  
“Suicide is such a sad thing, though. How awful to actually lie about that,” the redhead next to Baekhyun said, eyes still glancing at the big TV in front of them. “But yes, Kyungsoo really is late. Perhaps he found something out and will hand us new information. Everything went wild when they realised how the police fucked up. It's all so corrupt. They're probably trying to clean up-”  
  
The door opened, revealing a familiar face to all of them until said colleague took his seat.  
  
  
“Sorry, I am late, I know, but this really did take time.” He threw the sheet of paper Sungmin handed to him onto the desk before taking a deep breath, informing everyone about what he had heard. A few things were already known to them, but the complete story really managed to blow them out of their socks, even as journalists who tried to find out as much about corruption as they could.  
  
  
“The picture was already gross, heck, bloody murderer. They're killing off each other now,” Baekhyun commented, sighing loudly as he put his feet onto the desk, much to the dismay of the silent man on Chanyeol's left side.  
  
“Admirable, though. He killed someone who has been scaring our nation for more than 3 years now.” Baekhyun shot their superior a look, who only shrugged his shoulders. He was not exactly praising a killer, but the deed was not entirely bad.  
“Yeah, he has done us as civilians and the police a huge favour, we can't deny that. That is also probably why they didn't even question them further,” Kyungsoo said and the redhead nodded intuitively. He could admit that he was slightly happy about that, because now he could sleep safe and sound. “I don't think that this new murderer will keep on killing though. Who – as a professional - starts their career by killing a threat to all of Korea? Moreover, someone paid for the police to keep quiet about it. They—“ Kyungsoo nudged the card on the desk with one finger “--don't want anyone to know after all.”  
  
  
“Still a bloody murderer,” Baekhyun spat and everyone's eyes were fixed on him once more. He liked attention, obviously.  
  
  
“And that card?”  
  
“Oh, read it, Joonmyeon,” Kyungsoo pushed the sheet of paper over to their superior with a small smile.  
  
“Why is Kyungsoo actually handling everything? That's something we should discuss, too,” Baekhyun interrupted once again, but nobody paid him any attention anymore. This job was a whole lot frustrating.  
  
“A gay strip club?” Joonmyeon whistled, grinning as he scanned the card in his hands. Lotto was written on it in big golden letters. Beneath was an address and also a name; Kris. Joonmyeon supposed that the man was the owner of the establishment, not that he had heard of it prior to reading this card. “He gave you this?”  
  
“That's our only clue, really,” Kyungsoo said, shrugging his shoulders because he had only briefly looked through the internet for information. Plenty of reviews and opinions and information on the strippers and everyone's favourite. Nothing exactly suspicious. Then again, who would post it in big bold letters on their website that they belonged to the mafia and enjoyed killing people?  
  
"Let investigating be my task for once and heck, don't ignore me!"  
  
Kyungsoo had an amused smile playing on his lips, enjoying the other's bad mood.  
  
Chanyeol ducked his head in case Baekhyun wanted to jump at Joonmyeon. Sometimes Baekhyun made him question himself if the man was half animal, half human. Who had such a short amount of patience?  
  
Joonmyeon shot the younger male a glare before his face changed drastically, a chuckle falling from his lips although he tried to cover his mouth with one hand, "Oh let me get this straight, Baekhyun — no pun intended really - but you want to go to a gay strip club to investigate? You?"  
  
"Just what makes you ask me that?"  
  
"Because you'd enjoy yourself, but this is our job. I can't possibly send you there," Joonmyeon argued, shaking his head a few times in utter disbelief. To think that Baekhyun still had the bravery to actually ask him, it was beyond the superior.  
  
  
"What makes you think Kyungsoo doesn't? Maybe he's also cooing over all the strippers? Maybe he's booking them for a private ride!" Baekhyun turned towards Kyungsoo, whose face, once again, was devoid of any emotion. This really got to the older male and he bit his bottom lip in frustration, sitting down while sulking quite obviously, lips pulled in between his teeth, eyes staring at the desk in front of them.  
  
“Not all of us are into guys. That's why Kyungsoo is perfect.”  
  
Baekhyun rolled his eyes, pushing his sleeves up before he got up to make his way over to Joonmyeon, hands falling down flat on the desk in front of his superior. “It's not that you're born with a sexual identity, Joonmyeon. Some perhaps are, most aren't. You just haven't met a man who makes you turn your head and doubt yourself in the most crucial ways.” Joonmyeon held Baekhyun's gaze, smiling a little.  
  
“No doubt. I am still searching for a person to call my own. Gender's not important to me. I thought I told you, Baekhyun,” Joonmyeon answered, eyes flickering over to Kyungsoo who was watching them curiously. “It's just that Kyungsoo is apparently not into boys and the most reserved one out of us. In contrast to your emotional outbursts, he's definitely the logical one. We can trust him with this task.”  
  
Baekhyun looked Kyungsoo over once, sighing in defeat because Joonmyeon was ultimately right. Kyungsoo was the best to go into that club to investigate. “It's not like you even know how to enjoy yourself,” Baekhyun chuckled and Chanyeol rolled his eyes, asking himself silently if the other could ever stop bothering others. “Bet he doesn't even know how to masturbate.”  
  
“Maybe you should talk about this in private,” Joonmyeon suggested but no, Baekhyun couldn't let this slip – couldn't stop making fun of Kyungsoo.  
  
“Bet you're a virgin,” he chirped and Chanyeol pulled his hair out in frustration, because where was this conversation leading them to? Talking about sexual preferences? He'd rather not.  
  
“How can I be a virgin, you dumbass?” Kyungsoo asked loudly, eyebrows narrowing because this was absolutely stupid. He couldn't be and everyone knew that.  
  
“Oh, right... there's that,” Baekhyun muttered quietly, scratching the back of his head. “Anyway, bet you haven't touched someone in years!”  
  
Kyungsoo's stare was hard and stern before a hand came up, wiping the air away with a small laugh. “Don't be ridiculous. Having fun or not is my business, and I won't let you put your nose into my business.”  
  
  
Baekhyun snorted loudly. “So you've been there, you've seen 'em?”  
  
“The strippers? Why yes, seen them all.” Kyungsoo let a finger run over the edge of the desk in front of him, seemingly in thoughts for a moment. That was partially why he was so late as well, although he had only been staying at that club for no more than 40 minutes. He was embarrassed to have counted the minutes until his leave.  
  
  
“Care to tell me more, dear best colleague?”  
  
Kyungsoo chuckled softly. “You can book them for a night. What they do is up to you or should I say, what you do together will be completely up to you, Baekhyun. Are you so desperate to already pay money for sex?”  
  
  
“Gosh, Kyungsoo, let someone suck you dry for once. The sexual frustration is already imprinted on your forehead,” Baekhyun said, laughing his heart out for no reason whatsoever before leaning on the desk, gradually etching closer towards the other male. “Now spill some details.”  
  
“Luhan. Pretty face, a little taller than me, slim figure. He's got very pretty eyes one customer told me. No idea about more. It's not what I paid attention to really,” Kyungsoo explained, taking a short breath before throwing Baekhyun a flyer over, “Xiumin, about as tall as me, pretty glowing chipmunk cheeks, a dazzling eye smile and a very nice, build up body. Lay – or as some do call him Yixing – not as tall as Chanyeol, muscles all over, seemingly shy, but some told me he's the dirtiest of them all. Not like I'd know, not like I'd actually book even one of them.”  
  
Baekhyun flipped through the handout, grinning at the pictures. “There are more,” Kyungsoo spoke up again, “but these are the representatives.”  
  
Joonmyeon quirked an eyebrow at the way Kyungsoo's eyes were fixed on the desk in front of him. He deduced that it was unusual for the other not to look at Baekhyun while speaking, even more to actually answer seriously, this seriously and this much. He tilted his head but once Kyungsoo noticed his superior's gaze, he dropped his head, looking up at Baekhyun as if he was unsure about going on.  
  
“None of these are your type?” Baekhyun asked and Kyungsoo shook his head eagerly. A bit too eagerly.  
  
  
“Now you've got me curious,” the older said cheerfully, hand reaching down to grab his laptop, putting them on top of the desk before opening chrome. “Maybe they have reviews.”  
  
Joonmyeon sighed softly, leaving the desk because he had better things to do with his time than to talk about male strippers. There was so much work and so much to discover. He'd just leave the investigating to his group mates.  
  
  
“What the fuck,” Baekhyun scrolled through what seemed to be reviews, Chanyeol had been reading along a little, confused as to why Baekhyun suddenly stopped, eyes focused on the screen.  
  
“C.H.E.N. Capable Hottie Empowering your Needs. What's that supposed to mean?”  
  
Kyungsoo swallowed hard, but didn't comment on Baekhyun's confusion. Chanyeol looked over to the short male, only seeing the calmness in person as always. Perhaps he had imagined that tiny bit of... surprise?  
  
“You know more about it, don't you? I mean, wow, it goes on. 'Don't you like mean Crave Him Ecstatically for your Necessity?'. There's one more 'Childlike, Handsome, Endearing, Naughty'. Is it only me or does the last adjective not match the others?”  
  
Chanyeol dragged his chair closer, chuckling a little. “Gosh let me recite this. 'I just wish to ram my cock into him, have him beg for me, have my name fall from his pretty lips. How endearing would that be?'”  
  
Baekhyun squinted his eyes close, switching the laptop off before shaking his head. “They're all disgusting. I hope that guy never gets what he wants.”  
  
“Oh, that's quite impossible.”  
  
Baekhyun and Chanyeol blinked at each other before looking over at Kyungsoo.  
  
“Nobody does.”  


 

 

◆

  
  
  
  
“Jongdae-yah, I am really sorry to have you help out once again. Yixing will be your partner this time around, so no need to be worried. You won't have to do anything really. I mean, it's not like I want you-”  
  
The shorter male raised an arm, successfully shutting the dark blond haired man up without any type of effort.  
  
“He's like a pet in Jongdae's hands.”  
  
“Totally, although he once again caused trouble.”  
  
The tall man shot his colleagues a glare before sighing, throwing his arms into the air. “Minseok, Luhan, take your gossip elsewhere. I have a business to run and things to take care of.”  
  
“Where's my little partner?” A man strolled into the room, only wearing briefs, drawing a few exaggerated sighs from the two men placed on the couch at the far end of the room.  
  
“Let's go, I still need to prepare.”  
  
“I'll clean the desks, can't have Tiffany do everything,” Luhan agreed, draping an arm around Minseok's shoulders since he was slightly taller, leaving the other men alone. There was probably still something to talk about.  
  
“Everything good, Jongdae?” the man only clad in boxers asked the short male, who had himself curled up in a soft red armchair quite close to the couch where the other two had been sitting.  
  
He nodded, eyes scanning the cellphone screen in front of him, fingers busy typing up a message to one of his university mates. There was still project work to do, which he did not have the time for. He was lucky to have a smart friend who always did everything for him. Maybe it was his charms though, a smile here and cute giggle there – nobody could stay mad at him.  
  
“I still needed to brief you on your mission,” the blond head spoke up again, sitting down on a chair in front of Jongdae, handing the young man a picture. “I've told you everything about him, but I didn't have a picture until Tiffany gave me this. He asked unnecessary questions and I think that it's him. It matches Sungmin's description pretty well.”  
Jongdae gave the picture a good look, smiling sweetly before handing it back to his boss. Instead of putting it into the other's hand, Jongdae leaned forward, grinning widely as he stuffed it into the older's shirt's front pocket. “He ratted us out and tells us about it, he's so kind.”  
  
The elder sighed before getting up, collecting his name tag which he had forgotten to pick up before as he was utterly destroyed at the fact that Zitao was taking a sick leave from work. He felt bad for calling up Jongdae who should be studying but then this may prove to be a good opportunity. Besides he didn't exactly feel anger towards the police man for calling them out. Sungmin had after all closed the case quietly.  
  
“I am supposed to convince him not to dig further – if not, yeah well, I'll eliminate him,” Jongdae told Kris, who put on his name tag – quite carefully as he had once ripped his favourite shirt and the tragedy of it was still tugging at his heart.  
  
  
The older male nodded, swallowing hard once before tearing his eyes away. He couldn't trust anyone else with this task because Jongdae was a master at toying with people, making them do just what he wanted them to do. He just hoped that his little brother – not biologically – would find a way to change the journalist's mind without having to kill him.  
  
He couldn't have someone dig up dirty secrets. It was not like he or any of the others were happy about being a part of the mafia. It ran in his family and he couldn't help being a part of it. Zitao had always been at his side (your personal assistant, Kris, task him with anything) – they said and Kris felt like locking himself into his room, he was only 7 years old. A kid.  
  
Never did he ask of anything from Zitao though. Even now that he owned this club, courtesy to his parents again. He only gave Zitao the most innocent job; waiter. The boss did know what he would inherit – and god, he wasn't prepared for this. After running this for four years now, he had slowly come to terms with it.  
  
Minseok joined early on, someone they sent to him from Korea. He didn't know what to make of the fact that his supposed companions – which he would like to see dead – shipped people around like they were items on a belt at the supermarket. He never really understood the world he was born in, or how his parents neglected him on a daily basis. Instead, some old man came over to train him, showing him how to fight and defend himself (a gun is still the most effective weapon, try it – and boy, Kris had pulled the trigger without a clue, shooting down his batman figure on the chimney along with a picture of his family).  
  
It never had been quite his, but leaving the mafia was not a choice. Not back then, not now although his parents were buried deep underground – thanks to a gang that Kris didn't dare to come across. Apparently they weren't interested in Kris though, he wasn't deemed a threat like his parents were. True enough, all he did was keep his family safe and with family he meant the men working around him.  
  
Even with disinterested enemies, he knew they weren't safe, especially not if a curious journalist came along to write a juicy mafia story. He needed to shield them from the public although his recent mistake still weighed heavy on his shoulders.  
  
  
If that man were to dig up the blood on their hands – who knew what might happen.  
  
“Zitao told me that was some slick shot by the way. You never told us and I only now got told by our baby,” the third male spoke up, breaking the silence to move over, patting Jongdae's head affectionately only to be denied of it when the younger moved away.  
  
“The angle was so sharp that I could barely see him. It had to be now or never, so I opted for his eye instead of his nose. Couldn't wait for him to move around and slip from my sight,” Jongdae explained, putting his cellphone away, lips pursed in thought. “They're praising me like it really was an achievement, but it's not like I am proud of it now, Yixing. Not after that earful from Kris for stepping out of my boundaries.”  
  
The man in his boxers nodded, running a hand through his soft short brown hair, eyes wrinkling when he started smiling. “You did great though. He was totally going to spit our location to Yunho. I can't believe he's still pursuing us.”  
  
  
“One ought to think he has lost enough men, but he's tough,” Kris said before leaving the room to Yixing and Jongdae, thinking that they still had to prepare for their joint stage, although Kris was assured that Yixing wouldn't do anything too risky.  
  
“You're being too easy on Jongdae,” a voice suddenly said, startling the boss before he laid eyes on Luhan who was carefully wiping the tables clean. He admired the other's patience.  
  
  
“He's like my baby boy.”  
  
“That's why you forbid him to work here and only help out when it's entirely necessary. I do understand but you should have told him not to recklessly shoot Jisung. I mean, it wasn't a task you've-”  
  
“He's done a brilliant job. We're clear now, nobody to tell Yunho our location. This club,” Kris interrupted Luhan. He had been part of a gang long gone, scattered to the winds because their leader had been kidnapped by Kris' parents. Luhan had tried to find out his whereabouts only to be kept as a slave, mostly there to pleasure human needs. Needless to say he was not careful enough at hiding himself.  
  
It was then that Kris stepped in, suggesting a club of sorts to make a fortune, letting Luhan work there for little money. Most of it would of course find its way into the family bank. He liked to call that their safe just that when he was 14 years old, ready by now to hold up a gun without flinching. Not that any of his parents' motivation ever manifested within Kris.  
  
  
“Still, he drew attention when there was no need for it. Now we've got ourselves a curious journalist and a boy to seduce him, who has... absolutely no idea about the world out there.”  
  
“He's never failed me,” Kris interjected but Luhan only shook his head, disregarding that fact.  
  
“Thing is, you've sent him to seduce people who were better off dead. People who needed to be disposed off silently. This man however,” the man reached forward, patting Kris' front pocket where the victim's picture was located, “He's a normal civilian, he's never hurt anyone and he most of all doesn't deserve such a cruel fate. Jongdae will realize it soon enough.” Luhan nodded to himself before he continued cleaning the glasses.  
  
Kris took a look around, not wanting to bother with the issue at hand because he believed that Jongdae would find his way, even if that didn't lead up to that man's death. He'd like to avoid that if possible. He didn't make his way all over to Korea, inheriting his parents' keepsake just to lose everything once again.  
  
The club wasn't luxurious, neither elegant. It was something for everyone to afford. It was quite big though. There were proper stages besides the front desks with the main stage right behind. Behind the curtains of the main stage were the rooms for preparation, as well as the champagne room.  
  
Kris and Zitao mostly stood behind the bar while Tiffany acted as a waitress. Kris didn't know how she found her way there, but there was something very soothing around her. Her smile could lighten up the world. She didn't belong to any mafia group and mostly worked to pay off her college debts. There was something extremely calming about having a civilian work here. That aside, she had no clue about any of the men and their actual profession.  
  
Behind the bar were several shelves of alcoholic beverages, whatever one could think of. Nothing too expensive though, because Kris knew that most people didn't come here to give their money away because of a drink. They were here to enjoy the shows.  
  
If they weren't here for that – Kris feared some might be this freaky – then there were few corners where people could sit down and talk without the music interrupting their conversations. They were at the far end, where the lights were dim with no speakers at the ceiling. He didn't understand their purpose for coming here but he was not going to neglect easy money.  
  
  
The ambiance could probably be called cold, since the walls were clad in a dark blue, resonating with the dark orange tables, a white stage with soft blue curtains which seemed to illuminate the room. Once they hit business hours, the room would be covered in a few neon colored lights, which switched from one color to another after a certain amount of time. It was easier this way and not as much of a hassle for eyes to adjust to one color only. Besides dim lights seemed to do their job just fine, considering that they left room for imagination.  
  
“We all know he's special to you, special to us, too – perhaps not in the same exact way – but you always come to involve him again. It's a bit ridiculous Kris,” a voice said, barely reaching Kris who was absorbed into his own thoughts.  
  
  
“He is, but I know what he's capable of and if I want him to live a normal life – then it has to progress slowly. Isn't that man the perfect opportunity?” the blond asked, smiling his signature almost sleazy smile. Luhan merely shrugged his shoulders, nothing he could change about his boss' opinion. He respected him too much to act up. In a way Kris was his savior, he didn't find it in him to say much more.  
  
Kris turned away, biting his bottom lip in silent contemplation. Jongdae meant the world to him. Remembering these sharp lost eyes, stripped of life and dignity, face covered in bruises, blue, purple, green while his bottom lip was cut, blood gushing out to drop onto the ground. Like an abandoned and mistreated child, his body was curled up into a ball, left alone to rot in an abandoned truck in the streets of Hong Kong.  
  
Kris swore to himself that he'd never let anyone do that to Jongdae again. Although Jongdae was capable of protecting himself as everyone who came a tad too close had to experience. The boy had been trained to kill – not to feel regret, shame or fear. He was human though – and that's where the fault laid. Jongdae could feel these emotions as much as anyone else, couldn't fight them. Emotions were beyond logic after all and Kris took his time taking the tiny kid under his wings.  
  
Took him six years to actually turn Jongdae into a reasonable adult, who took on life's challenges without hurting everyone around. His walls were still built up high when it came to someone else than his family, but it was gradually getting better. Kris hoped deep within that Jongdae would be able to leave his past behind, move on to live a life like anyone else – of achievements and wishes.  
  
That wasn't going to happen until he cut ties with their enemies. The fact that Jisung had come to their club one day to openly threat them (or Yixing to be exact) was enough to make Kris believe that there was someone even worse backing the man up; the mastermind. Now Sungmin had given them away and if this Kyungsoo were to give them away, then it wasn't just them in danger. The journalist was, too. One ought to stop him for his own good.  
  
“Don't think too much, might hurt your brain.” Kris lifted his head, looking into two beautiful brown orbs before huffing and walking away without another word.  
  
  
“He'd cut my head off if I were to say that, but you're... unbelievable,” Luhan muttered, eyes looking straight into Jongdae's, who had come out of the practice room to take a break which would hopefully last until business hours at 10 pm.  
  
  
“Suppose I'm just that great,” Jongdae said, the corners of his lips twitching up in delight.  
  
  
“I hate your cat face,” Luhan spat out, putting the rag away before walking over to the champagne room. Before entering, he stuck his tongue out at Jongdae with a bright grin. Soon after, he was gone, leaving Jongdae alone who merely shrugged his shoulders.  
  
  
Jongdae was going to enjoy his time here, make the most of his stay tonight. Kris had never actually given him a job here, something that still burdened him.  
  
  
He couldn't understand why. In what aspect was he different from the others? He didn't have Luhan's pretty features, he was not as good a dancer as Xiumin was and he most of all was not as sexy as Lay. Zitao had been a waiter some time before him, so he could not complain about that. The club didn't need more than three waiters or bartenders but that didn't mean they couldn't put him in as a stripper.  
  
  
The boy looked down at himself, sighing slightly. Well, he wasn't the sexiest around but there had never been someone who wasn't charmed by him. Even without working and only occasionally dropping in during business hours, he was more than wanted by people. He had given himself the name Chen, since everyone went by a made up name except for Luhan – how carefree.  
  
  
The same thing happened tonight. He was only wearing a white button up shirt which was slightly opened at the bottom, revealing just a piece of skin. Courtesy of Kris who didn't let him leave the practice room without buttoning up again. It was a bit sad since Chen wanted to try himself out. He was past the stage of letting everything terrify him before stepping up to defend himself. This was new and he loved the attention of everyone – even those who were drunk before the clock hit 11.  
  
  


 

 

◆

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Jongdae fidgeted around with his tight shorts, eyes looking around curiously before walking back to the bar. A small yelp escaped his lips when someone suddenly touched his butt, patting it in appreciation. He wiggled his hips a little, making the man laugh before making his way over to Tiffany, who was busy mixing drinks behind the bar.  
  
  
“Popular as always,” she commented when Chen came close enough to hold a conversation. “It's weird when they all know you're not even up for grabs.”  
  
  
Chen simply shrugged his shoulders, grinning widely at her slightly confused expression.  
  
  
“Maybe it's their desperation to have a taste of you, even if it's just... well some petting.” Tiffany sighed, pushing a glass of beer over to him.  
  
  
“You know I don't drink.”  
  
  
Tiffany sighed once more, pushing the glass over to the customer next to Chen, who only nodded in what seemed to be a _thanks_.  
  
  
“Your low tolerance level. How could I forget?” Chen shot her a glare which only made her chuckle. Kris right beside her smiled slightly at their exchange, completely dismissing the fact that she was talking to a hitman. Besides, he was very much aware of Chen's killing conditions. _No unnecessary murders; life is precious_. Maybe Chen understood his words better than anyone else for that matter.  
  
  
“I'd like to have a glass of water,” someone said, suddenly disrupting their conversation. Chen smiled slightly because the voice was more than soothing although the man had to raise it since the music was turned up to full volume. The boy turned his head, checking the new guy out beside him and yes, he came to the decision that the man had more to offer than just his low baritone voice that felt like hot chocolate running down his throat.  
  
  
He blinked in surprise, turning his head to look at Kris who pat the front pocket of his shirt.  
  
  
_Oh holy._  
  
  
“What an exquisite request,” Chen commented, mouth working a lot faster than his brain. It was common though. People hated him for that or loved him because it was just him being brutally honest.  
  
  
He heard the man chuckle, a small smile gracing his features in response. Pleasant. A pleasant target. He was not exactly good at handling men who could get beneath his skin with just a look. A mission was a mission though.  
  
  
Said target turned his head, giving Chen a look over before shrugging his shoulders.  
  
  
“Drinking alcohol is for pussies.” Chen seemed to be a bit lost in the other's eyes – big doe brown eyes — which stared back at him with an intensity that was hard to match but caught himself soon to stifle a laugh.  
  
  
“Haven't heard that word here in... well, never,” Chen answered, turning his head away to look at Kris, who was suddenly standing in front of him, serving the man his desired glass of water. For a moment, he was assured that this would be the better way of communicating, but a voice within his head told him to get his shit together because who was he to lose this competition. Seduction was not hard and he knew how to play this game.  
  
  
So he lifted his head, tilting it until he could watch the man beside him take a big gulp of his water. His eyes stayed on the target's adam's apple, bobbing up and down, hardly noticing the stare the one besides him was giving him.  
  
  
It was only seconds later that he felt the other's eyes burning his skin. He swallowed hard, putting his elbow on the counter so he could face the man better, eyes staring at the name tag on the right side of his chest with slight amusement.  
  
  
“So, Do Kyungsoo, who will you feel up tonight?” Without a hint of shame, Chen grabbed the glass of water in front of said man, lifted it up to his lips before taking a sip that didn't do much more than wet his lips and perhaps the tip of his tongue.  
  
  
The customer was quiet for a moment before, staring at his glass within the other's grasp before locking onto Chen's eyes again. “Do we know each other?” he asked curiously, not even half angry at the fact that the mafia boy had just consumed a bit of his money in form of translucent liquid. Much like the outfit Chen was wearing. Whenever it clung just a little too tight to his body, one could easily make out the skin beneath just like right now.  
  
  
Kyungsoo didn't seem to be having any of that though, eyes never leaving Chen's.  
  
  
“No, but I'd love...,” Chen cooed, leaning over, exposing the part of his collarbones to his target while pushing the glass back to the original owner, “to get to know you.” He put emphasis on every syllable by placing his hand on top of the other's thigh. While he did seem a bit confused, he made no move, not even a hint of wanting to push Chen's hand down. On the other hand, he didn't react much at all, sending bad vibrations down Chen's spine.  
  
  
This was going to be a tough nut to crack.  
  
  
“Do Kyungsoo,” he said again, practically draping his upper body over the other's body – mostly legs — to point up the other's name tag. Chen lifted his head to look at his target through his lashes only to see deep dark orbs locking onto his own and for the first time, Chen felt like the other was looking right through him, reading him like an open book.  
  
  
He could feel his heartbeat picking up pace when Kyungsoo leaned down, tips of his fingers lingering on Chen's naked arms before putting the boy back into place, the grasp on his wrists hard and somehow quite assuring. Jongdae couldn't help feeling like a child, although he was definitely a tad taller than Kyungsoo, something about his target's aura got to him though, making him lose his last bit of pride.  
  
  
He was not one to give up though. He was not going to lose. He was not going to be rejected.  
  
  
Chen blinked once, catching the slight uncomfortable twitch on the other's lips before Kyungsoo took off his name tag, placing it in the pocket of his trousers. “Why are _you_ here tonight?” Chen was taken aback by the question, wondering why the other was still talking to him when he had pushed the mafia boy off his lap.  
  
  
“Helping out,” he simply stated and although he didn't know why, he suddenly had Kyungsoo's complete attention. It was easy to tell because, for once, Kyungsoo’s body was turned towards him, a glint of curiosity reflected in his eyes as he took a sip of water, unconcerned by the fact that another pair of lips had been placed at that exact same spot moments ago.  
  
  
“Helping out? The waiters?” Kyungsoo asked and Chen shook his head once, wondering what made the other think that way? Surely it wasn't his choice of clothes. Lay had picked them out himself and Chen could still remember the elder's grin ( _“if he's not eating you up alive, then I will”_ ).  
  
  
Then again, he did not exactly look like a stripper. He was not even boosting that kind of confidence. To take off his clothes while having others scream for more was not exactly what he wanted. Chen loved attention – the looks, the gulps, the signs of arousal – but he wanted to achieve all that in a subtle manner. While overall nobody of them really mattered. To coax all those reactions out of _one_ man would be enough, if it were to be _the one_.  
  
  
“No? Then you..,” Kyungsoo stopped talking rather abruptly, eyes drifting towards the stage before he pointed at it, seemingly taken aback if his suspicions would prove to be true.  
  
  
“Oh, I am not going to undress, but I will play my part,” Chen explained, not missing out on the glance Kris was sending his way, much like a mother hen looking out for her little chick.  
  
  
“That's too bad,” another voice near Chen's right ear said, catching the boy off guard as he turned his body to look at another customer. He had definitely seen that guy before, but to match names and faces was a bit hard considering he had probably seen that man once or twice.  
  
  
“I mean, they would all want you to,” he continued speaking, slurring the sentence before pointing across the room. Kris lifted his head, hands stopping in the process of cleaning a glass before sighing slightly. While he liked to deny that, it was true. People loved to get their hands on something out of reach, something they _shouldn't_ be touching.  
  
  
“It would be boring if you were all to get what you wanted,” Chen said, chuckling softly as he got up from his chair, finger tapping against his wrist to indicate that it was time for him to leave, unaccomplished and slightly frustrated. Without waiting for a reply, he quickly moved away, seeking Lay out from the preparation room.  
  
  
Kris watched Jongdae's figure disappear behind the curtains of the stage before looking at Kyungsoo and the other customer.  
  
  
“Chen, as always ethereal and seemingly within grasp but... well, that's how it is, hmm?” the customer asked, smiling up at Kris who only laughed, wondering if the guy had caught him staring or maybe it was his job as a keeper to be protective of his workers. Instead of answering, Kris took notice of the journalist whose eyes were still looking at the curtains where Chen had left seconds ago.  
  
  
“That's Chen?” Kyungsoo suddenly spoke up and the man beside him chuckled as if it had been a good joke.  
  
  
“Unattainable for you.”  
  
  


 

 

◆

  
  
  
  
  
  
“Are you up for it?”  
  
  
“Don't fucking tease me on stage, yeah? I hate it. I hate it even more when Kris tells the others to take their hands off while he never ever reprimanded you. That's what I honestly don't get,” Jongdae replied, hands running through his short hair, missing the feeling of strands entangled in his fingers because he had just recently told his hairdresser to make it even shorter.  
  
  
The bangs barely covered his forehead and at the side as well as behind were only stubble of hair left. He played with Kyungsoo's pictures in his hands, sighing softly in irritation before looking over at Lay who was still not done with make up.  
  
  
“Wasn't Kris supposed to have it?” the stripper asked, giving Jongdae a curious glance until the other nodded. The elder waited for a short moment, giving time for Jongdae to answer but nothing came out of the boy’s mouth, no apology whatsoever.  
  
  
“He won't notice it's gone,” Jongdae spoke up after a while and from the corner of his eyes he could easily notice Lay's grin.  
  
  
“It's not pleasant when your past catches up with you. Give it back after our show, okay?” Jongdae's head turned to look at Lay, facial expression grim before he nodded, not really on his own volition, but he made a note to never disobey Lay for whatever reason he could come up with. Lay had been way too kind and considerate to him. Much like the bigger brother he never had, different from Kris however. Not as overprotective or strict.  
  
  
“Good boy, now let's go greet them, hmm?”  
  
  
Jongdae got up from the sofa and walked over to Lay, looking him up and down only to come to the conclusion that hikes he did look good. He had his dark hair slicked back while wearing tight red leather trousers and a dark blue dress up shirt which was hugging his body quite nicely.  
  
  
While Jongdae did have abs to present or even pecs, it was nowhere near as impressive as Lay. Sometimes he envied him, but most of the time he simply liked goggling. Whenever he felt jealous though, he tried to tell himself that this ripped body wouldn't suit him, that he would be much less angelic, if he could even say so himself.  
  
  
“Have I told you how good you look?” Yixing suddenly asked, disturbing Jongdae in his thoughts until the younger man looked up at his partner.  
  
  
“You did.”  
  
  
“Well, I just felt like doing it again.”  
  
  
That was the thing about Yixing. You do understand him or you don't. Jongdae more than often counted himself into the latter category but then again, it was simply Yixing saying what was on his mind. Even if that did take time.  
  
  
“Thank you, I guess. You look... uhm, presentable as well,” Jongdae replied, giving out his own kind of compliment, although he had different words in mind for the elder, who gave him a suspicious look. Yeah, just as if he wasn't buying that story and Jongdae shrugged in response. “Drop dead gorgeous, 's that better?”  
  
  
Lay laughed quietly, ushering Jongdae out onto the stage. While the elder was used to this, Jongdae surely wasn't. The lights were blending him, perfectly robbing him of one of his sense; the most important one right now. The man walked forward, opening his eyes again until he could finally make out the crowd.  
  
  
Cheering.  
  
  
Jongdae wanted to step aside for Lay, but found himself pressed against the older man's side, Lay's arm loosely dropped on his shoulder. “That's not what we practiced,” he reminded the other, but did not move to free himself because that would look kind of stupid.  
  
  
“Your target. Luhan told me he's here.”  
  
  
“And here I thought Luhan was actually kind of busy serving the customers today,” Chen replied but nodded over to the bar. Kyungsoo was still there, he could see that, but more than that was impossible to take notice of.  
  
  
“How are you fairing?” It was then that Lay let go to grab the pole. Chen remained standing in front of it like a prop before shaking his head in disbelief. He didn't feel like small talk, but more than that, he had no idea about his chances of success. He had no medicine to turn straight guys gay, because that was ultimately the vibe Kyungsoo gave off.  
  
  
“Normal,” he answered, taking a step aside to watch Lay work the pole, in a quite figurative sense. The man knew how to shake his hips, wiggle them without even losing an ounce of his manliness, something that Chen would lose every time he touched that pole. That was why he never used it in the first place.  
  
  
Chen's eyes grew a little bigger when Lay started to dry hump the prop, catching the younger male a bit off guard. It was one thing to watch it from afar and another to actually be this close to it. A small hiss escaped his lips, hands searching for the chair that was supposed to be standing near him – not that he had the time to look for it. When his hands managed to grab at the plastic, he sat down and took a deep breath.  
  
  
Lay was the star of the show. He was just the nice addition at the end or maybe somewhere down the middle. It was not really any of his concern. No matter how good he was – nor maybe even not – he wouldn't be included in the monthly poll of best worker. Mainly because he was no employee in the first place. Kris simply gave him some pocket money for the time he spent here.  
  
  
Chen tried to stay calm but that was not the easiest considering Lay was gradually getting rid of his clothes only to rub his groin against the metal again. The younger male bit down on his bottom lip, contemplating if he should look away because he knew how much Lay liked to tease him about the tent in his trousers.  
  
  
It just wasn't easy to hold back all of his hormones, it's not like they listened to him. His self-control was actually extra ordinary but when it came to intimacy Chen often lost it. On all those fucking missions he fulfilled, he never let it get that far. If they wanted to get into his pants, he either cut their throats or blew their brain off. Then again, he had bitter reasons to eliminate them. Kyungsoo on the other hand...  
  
  
Chen was momentarily caught off guard when a hand grabbed his wrist, pulling him to the center of the stage. “You're not following our practices... the script at all,” the younger male found himself complaining, but made no move to free himself like always.  
  
  
“Fuck practices and fuck all those restrictions Kris made,” he heard Lay speaking behind himself and was soon pressed flush against his partner, back against chest. He was about to argue that this was not a good idea because making Kris angry was not something he could do. Maybe secretly but not out in the open.  
  
  
Chen caught sight of Kris eying them suspiciously and turned his head away quickly. “Where are you-” Before the younger could even finish his questions, Lay turned them a little to the left. It didn't take him long to realize why.  
  
  
“I think I need him to know what he is missing out on,” Lay cooed into his ear, goosebumps covering the skin of Chen's shoulder before that cold shiver run down his spine ever so casually. Seriously, that was not at all what they had planned and in no way did he want for Kyungsoo to see him this embarrassed.  
  
  
“Well, I-I actually think I need to show him myself. Come on, it barely makes sense for you... Stop it,” Chen mumbled the last words, not wanting anyone to hear that he was actually talking back to Lay who was gracing him with these hands all over his body. A shaky breath escaped his lips when the elder ran his hands down his sides, grabbing his hips with force.  
  
  
“Tell me you're hiding your cellphone in your boxers,” Jongdae spit out, eyes big at the feeling of Lay behind him, grinding right down against his ass.  
  
  
“I am not.” A hand came up, grabbing Chen's chin to turn his face towards the other, who leaned casually over his shoulder. Leave it to Lay to answer rhetorical questions. “These goddamn boxers are so freaking tight. Besides, I have a pretty boy watching me, how can I not feel a thing?”  
  
  
Chen's hands reached up, wanting to stop the moan from leaving his lips but Lay did not offer him that chance when there was suddenly a hand on his crotch. Chen closed his eyes at the feeling of Lay's hand rubbing at the absolute right place. Heck, he was not even a closet pervert, but this felt so good.  
  
  
“They're all watching you,” Chen coaxed out the words in nothing more than a whisper, still hoping that Yixing was listening to him instead of focusing all his attention on his crotch which was grinding against Chen's ever so ruthlessly. If there was one thing to regret, then it would be the end. Chen knew it well, hence the enjoyment until it would last.  
  
  
“None of them are as pretty as you.”  
  
  
“Call me that again and I'll slice out your tongue,” Chen threatened and for some reason he could not comprehend Yixing started laughing. The hand that was working on Jongdae's crotch left to find its way up the younger male's shirt. “I-I'll never do this again.”  
  
  
“You will come back, believe me, until that heart settles down,” Lay told him and it somehow sounded genuine despite their situation. When the elder raised Chen's shirt up just a little to present the faintest outline of abs, the crowd cheered loudly because for all they knew, they wouldn't get to see more than that.  
  
  
“I think I'll get this treated for real.” Before Chen could question the other's decisions, the warmth behind him left, hands retracting as Lay left him to get down from the stage. Jongdae was more than just perplexed and he needed a minute to gather himself. Eyes flickered upwards to the bar only to find an empty chair right in front of Kris.  
  
  
Perhaps that went wrong somewhere.  
  
  


 

 

◆

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
“How long are you gonna mop around here?”  
  
  
Chen's head shot up, glaring daggers at Minseok who was simply shrugging his shoulders. “Come on, it's not like I dislike you being here, but you seem to be a little... besides yourself these days. Want to share your concerns?”  
  
  
“I don't have any concerns. I just have no head for my homework at home.”  
  
  
“Are you lonely?” Minseok kept asking, hitting a rather weak spot, like he always did. That was mostly why Jongdae found himself avoiding the elder. He just knew how to get beneath his skin without even really trying – in a very different way from Lay.  
  
  
4 months ago Jongdae had still been living with Kris but since the elder wanted Jongdae to abandon his mafia duties, he bought a small flat for the younger male. He didn't abandon much though. Kris was still giving him missions, few and less dangerous but it was not like he had left his brothers just because he was living elsewhere now.  
  
  
“I like living alone. You know, I really do, but... yeah, that's probably part of it. I am not yet used to having no one say 'good morning' or having to prepare breakfast by myself,” Jongdae admitted after a moment of hesitation. Lying was no option and Minseok was no one to make fun of him. He was a lot more considerate than one would think upon meeting the rather small yet old male.  
  
  
“Part of it?” Minseok inquired once more, making Jongdae ruffle his hair in pure frustration. Confessing was never easy but Minseok really liked to know everything – everything that Jongdae would rather keep to himself.  
  
  
“Well, yeah, we all have problems, don't we?”  
  
  
“Like not getting laid in too long?” Jongdae stuck his fingers into his ears before turning his head to look straight at the older male.  
  
  
“Excuse me?”  
  
  
“Well, I just thought since Lay's only teasing you and we... however much we adore you, you're a no go for us and you're not having that many friends. It's a given.”  
  
  
“I have a lot of friends!”  
  
  
“That's not the issue, is it?” Minseok asked and it sounded way too genuine as if he really cared a lot. As if this wasn't a joke to him. Maybe it wasn't. Jongdae barely doubted that but talking about this was just not okay for him.  
  
  
“You do manipulate and seduce them all, but you're never getting anything out of that. Besides a good kill.” Jongdae merely stared at the elder before shoving the chair back to get up.  
  
  
“Just so you know, hyung... I'll be very busy because I have a lot of friends in the upcoming time, so don't-”  
  
  
“That's because of that volunteer project at university, right?”  
  
  
Jongdae had safely avoided the big problem just to encounter the next. Kris really couldn't shut up. Despite that Minseok was right. The project would take up a lot of time and he didn't want to mess it up because it would be counted into his undergraduate thesis which he had to work on in the course of the next 6 months.  
  
  
“Yeah, well, before you can count to three, I will have a lot of new friends.”  
  
  
Minseok simply nodded before laughing loudly. “Kris told you what I will be doing?”  
  
  
“I know you'll be helping out elsewhere. I also know that you volunteered and that's a big feat, Jongdae. I am proud of you,” Minseok said, getting up to pat the younger's shoulder, a genuine and caring smile ever so present on his face before he left to practice for his show.  
  
  
To reach a degree in education. How not sexy was that? Jongdae rolled his eyes because he was already lost. While he could play a bad boy within the mafia (and he was damn good at that – you bet) he couldn't be in front of Kyungsoo. It had already started the wrong way days ago.  
  
  
Especially after that stage. It had probably destroyed all his chances. While he kind of wondered if he had any from the very beginning.  
  
  
His hands came up to cover his face before a sigh slipped past his lips into the palms of his hands. It was freaking him out. Jongdae had never been one to give up or do things halfheartedly but it seemed much like an impossibility to seduce someone who didn't even realize when someone flirted with him. Was he... that dense? Or simply disinterested? Jongdae didn't know and that just didn't make it easier.  
  
  
It had been days since Kyungsoo showed up and as much as Jongdae wanted another try, he couldn't just turn up at Kyungsoo's working place. He had that kind of decency (perhaps it was shame though).  
  
  
“Jongdae-yah!” The young man turned his head, seeing how Luhan pushed the door open with all his might, ignoring the dull sound when the doors hit the wall. “Kyungsoo is here again.”  
  
  
Jongdae wanted to seize his chance, go out and flirt like crazy but hey, he was only going to make a fool out of himself. “Yeah, so what?” he asked and Luhan's eyes widened. He was about to say that maybe, just maybe, you'd do better than me, wouldn't you?  
  
  
“He asked for you.” Jongdae felt a chuckle creeping up his throat before it left his lips, shaking his head in disbelief. “I am not lying. He said that he wanted to ask you something.” Jongdae huffed but still made his way to the bar, which didn't take long considering he had been trying to do his project work behind the stage.  
  
  
Kyungsoo was really there and in a way Jongdae knew what the other was going to ask. It was not yet high business time, so it was partially really quiet and people simply enjoyed their beer or other alcoholic beverages.  
  
  
“You've asked for me?” Kyungsoo's head turned around quickly, almost startled by Jongdae's voice and the elder occupied the chair next to the journalist without a moment of hesitance. He motioned for Luhan to give him a glass of water before focusing his attention back on Kyungsoo who seemed a little bit surprised.  
  
  
“Not... helping out today?” The way he stressed the second word made Jongdae question himself if the other was making fun of him or was just trying to understand what had been going on on stage that last time. The elder looked down at himself, understanding why Kyungsoo had asked in the first place. Jongdae was wearing a dark blue hoodie which was way too large for him and bright white shorts that reached down to his knees. They were a bit baggy and just everything about it screamed casual and unsexy – even the the black hat on his head which he loved to bits.  
  
  
Perhaps his chances had already jumped off of a cliff.  
  
  
“Nope, just here for a short visit,” Jongdae answered, receiving the glass of water with a courteous nod which Luhan returned softly before running a hand through Jongdae's hair. The younger male pushed the hand away, sighing softly before locking eyes with Kyungsoo again. “But apparently you wanted to say something?”  
  
  
He could feel the other's eyes burning on his chest before they looked further down. Jongdae followed the other's gaze but there was absolutely nothing besides his legs. Kyungsoo snapped out of his trance moments later, hands fishing in his pockets for a picture.  
  
  
Chen already knew what would follow because that was what Kyungsoo was here for in the first place. He had been wondering when the journalist would finally move on to ask him questions about Jisung's death. To think that Xiumin had been unable to eliminate the business card of their club due to Kyungsoo butting his nose in things he shouldn't be nosy about.  
  
  
The university student's eyes analysed the picture that was indeed showing Jisung. It didn't seem to be up-to-date (or up to the man's death for that matter). It was most likely a picture they showed of him on the TV to identify the man instead of showing a corpse with one eye. Since the man was wearing a uniform on the photograph, Jongdae concluded that it was probably taken during his school time. Few years back.  
  
  
“Do you know this man?” Kyungsoo asked and Chen's face remained void of any reaction while he was contemplating about what to do. He had made up stories in his head in case Kyungsoo would want to talk about it, just like he decided to just now. He didn't know if had thought everything through but then again, there was no need to because Lay wanted to cooperate to the best of his lying abilities.  
  
  
“Maybe you should ask who doesn't know him?” Chen countered, taking a sip of his water to ease himself out of the slight nervousness. He couldn't even pinpoint out why, since Kyungsoo was not a threatening foe neither was the location to his disadvantage. In a way he was scared though. For Kyungsoo.  
  
  
“Ah yeah. The police didn't want to show a picture of that monster, but news agencies were so nice to dig up pictures and show them around while interviewing his parents who had no idea about what their son was doing. Perhaps I should have been digging for more recent pictures, not when he looked this innocent.”  
  
  
Chen made a mental note of how acutely talkative the man was before batting his eyelashes at what seemed to be anger. He had never thought to actually see Kyungsoo angry. It was not like he thought that the other was unable to feel these emotions, he just seemed not to show them. Chen kinda deduced that Kyungsoo was extremely good at hiding them, but then again, he was just like any other human.  
  
  
Feeling nothing is an impossibility he had come across himself.  
  
  
“Well, you can't judge a book by its cover,” Jongdae pointed out and Kyungsoo nodded immediately.  
  
  
“True, who could know that this guy would stab a pen into the neck of a young girl on her birthday? I wouldn't.” The grin playing around Kyungsoo's lips caught Chen off guard.  
  
  
“What's there to smile about?”  
  
  
“The fact that he's dead buried miles beneath the ground.”  
  
  
Chen bit down on his bottom lip. He hadn't expected praise. Then again he wasn't sure if that was praise and in what kind of way he should be taking this in. Praise had been precious and rare before the man had met Kris but by now it was nothing unusual. Kyungsoo's words were surprisingly sharp though.  
  
  
Luhan gave him an unsure look, almost as if he was asking for Chen to simply go and leave but this was his chance. He had learned how to manipulate people, it was like giving candy to children when they did well or like bribing teenagers with money if they did well in school. It was a game of giving them what they wanted before retracting it again. It was about being unattainable, being out of reach, making them crave everything they couldn't have.  
  
  
“It was murder. I am not quite sure if you should be saying it like this.”  
  
  
“It's great,” Kyungsoo answered, a bright smile covering his face, indicating that everything he was saying was indeed genuine, “now we don't have to worry about the kids anymore, as well as the elders and just... everyone.”  
  
  
Jongdae nodded, partially because the other was right and also because there was absolutely nothing to add. He didn't shoot his eye out for glory. Neither did he knew that much about Jisung in the first place. It was more of a coincidence when Jisung turned up at the club, demanding private service that Chen would never tend to. Lay was there to help him out of the situation though as he took up Jisung's offer, much to Chen's dismay.  
  
  
He had been fucking rude. He could still remember Jisung's hand around his waist and how much he despised it. Despised the way the mafia man acted, yes, as if he was owing Jongdae, as if he was merely an object to fulfil his needs. In a different way than perhaps necessary. _You'd make a pretty girl_.  
  
  
He was not, he wouldn't.  
  
  
Telling Kyungsoo about it would not be much of lie, he guessed, although he would keep the important details to himself. Mostly those about himself and his family here.  
  
  
“You're indirectly praising the killer,” Jongdae reminded Kyungsoo who merely chuckled, somewhat amused for a reason Chen could not exactly comprehend,  
  
  
“Every bad action starts with a good intention.” Jongdae raised an eyebrow, shaking his head in disbelief. “I am merely saying that while his murder was against the law and thus considered bad, it does not mean that the result is exactly bad for humanity. We keep on saying if things are right or wrong, but that's just our sense of judgement. We dub it wrong if it's against the law. Not everything can be taken care of by legal means. So I will call this murder righteous for the result in the end; being freed of a mass murderer who had nothing left for humans.”  
  
  
A slight proud smile crept up Jongdae's lips. It was a side effect of his mission but apparently people were carrying lighter hearts around with them now. Murder didn't mean much to Jongdae, not back then and not now, although Kris had tried teaching him common sense. It was never 100% successful though. What was death like anyway? Falling asleep and never waking up? That sounded easy.  
  
  
“You have a strong sense of justice, hmm?” Jongdae asked, turning his head to look at Kyungsoo, who for once, looked back at him. Kyungsoo had been focusing his eyes on the bar desk in front of him, making Chen wonder what the man was thinking about, but now he could tell just as much about Kyungsoo. Nothing.  
  
  
“I like for every beloved one to be safe.” Kyungsoo's hand came up to grab the left side of his shirt, right above his heart. Jongdae nodded right away, understandable, although justifying death was not within his possibilities, unlike it seemed to be for Kyungsoo. Killing was a duty, an act of self-defense, of protecting those that were important to him. The student dropped his gaze on the marble desk, thinking that perhaps they were not much different. It was just that Chen acted while Kyungsoo hoped.  
  
  
“You haven't answered my question though,” the other pointed out after a small moment of silence and Jongdae nodded.  
  
  
“I do, but more than me, you should be asking Yixing-hyung... I mean, Lay,” he found himself answering and pointed up the stairs next to the stage.  
  
  
“You mean...?”  
  
  
“Ah yeah. I mean, I don't know the details, but Lay followed Jisung's offer.”  
  
  
“Isn't that quite illegal?” Kyungsoo asked, making Chen giggle. He was talking about Jisung's murder as if it was an heroic act of justice but doomed illegal sex to be bad?  
  
  
“Well, maybe, since it's something we have no license for, but it's not like Kris forces them to. They can decide on their own if they want to indulge themselves in pleasure with others. That's fair enough, I guess,” Jongdae explained, emptying the glass of water before lifting his head to look at Kyungsoo, who was still looking at him.  
  
  
“And then there's you who doesn't give in to anyone?” Jongdae blinked in surprise, but nodded anyway. That was him.  
  
  
“To be desired, that's nice... but it's not anymore once you've been used, right?” Kyungsoo's eyes widened and Jongdae didn't know if he should identify this as shock or surprise. Perhaps something in the middle. Perhaps more of the first since no answer followed up.  
  
  
“Exclusive and unattainable-”  
  
  
“If you're not hurrying Lay will leave,” Luhan cut in sharply, shutting Jongdae up quite successfully while wondering if the boy hit his head. What good was it to discuss his strategies with his target? What good was it to actually let him look past the giggle and cheerful surface?  
  
  
“Oh, then I should definitely go and interview him, if he has time?” Kyungsoo asked and Luhan nodded, gesturing for the journalist to simply slip past the curtain and into the practice rooms. Jongdae remained behind for a minute, eyes inspecting the ground, the ever so bright smile faltering when he locked eyes with his hyung.  
  
  
“It's not about being used. The exclusive and unattainable image. It's not just for your mission, you're limiting yourself down to these two adjectives. It's not Kris who is setting up the rules... of us not getting too close and intimate with you. It's just you, Jongdae. I don't like to say this but... maybe you should leave this to someone else. I've always thought you were unsuited for these kinds of missions. The sniping, too, wasn't that over the top?”  
  
  
Jongdae clenched his fist, teeth showing as he answered. “I won't be sitting idly by while my family dies. Not... not again. He was a threat to us. He came here knowing who we are. He knew Kris and he knew me! That guy.... he knew how to hit my weak points!” Chen hissed, trying not to be too loud because Kyungsoo wasn't far away and he wasn't stupid enough to blow their cover. Despite the teasing he was very thankful towards everyone. What Luhan made him out to be, what he wasn't capable off, it really hurt deep inside.  
  
  
“I will show you I can succeed. He's already charmed.”  
  
  
“Hate to break it to you, Chen... He has never really looked at you. He's never come to appreciate anything of you. You're acting like a little flirt but he's never realised any of that. Just give it up and turn the mission over to me,” Luhan offered, hand extending towards the other.  
  
  
Jongdae's hand reached down, fidgeting with something in his pocket before he drew his box cutter, holding the sharp side out to Luhan's neck. “Must be difficult on you to never really have a good time with other guys only to be constantly reminded of your past.” Luhan's face turned grim, eyes focusing on the knife. He was not flinching, not moving an inch, but there was clear evidence of fear in the man's eyes, something that Jongdae couldn't possibly miss out on.  
  
  
“It would be very kind of you to take this thing out of my face. You can't always go and kill people when it's not to your liking.”  
  
  
Jongdae started laughing, pushing the knife back before letting it slip into the front pocket of his trousers. “Ah you've find out who I am. Kind of you to be such an analyser.”  
  
  
“You know nothing about me.”  
  
  
Jongdae stepped forward, face approaching the other's, but Luhan still made no move. He had always been a plaything, the toy in other people's hands. While Jongdae was raised to be a heir, only to be kidnapped and raised into a murderer, a machine without feelings but a thirst to hunt and indulge himself in bursting human's guts out of their bodies. Luhan was sure that he was anxious even after spending 9 years together.  
  
  
“I watched guys like you. Thought they're something, unlike me. I got never taken care of. Not in one way or another. Sometimes I felt like envying them. Seeing you, however, makes me think other-”  
  
  
“Jongdae,” a stern voice said, the tips of the called man's ears turning red before he muttered an apology, half-heartedly and with less remorse than Luhan could have hoped for, retreating into the practice rooms to find Kyungsoo and Lay.  
  
  
“You've raised him like a fine dog,” Luhan said, eyes locking onto Kris and the anger was so evident in expression and voice that Kris almost found himself flinching.  
  
  
“Anything else was impossible. While I could free you without stains, without loss of blood and sweat. It wasn't like that with him. They had turned an innocent young boy of... around 5 years into a monster who only knew how to kill and despise people. It was by accident that Tao and I stumbled over an abandoned truck in Seoul on our very first mission. I can speak of luck that they didn't know me-”  
  
  
“They?”  
  
  
“14k. A triad group in Hong Kong. Second largest triad group in the world. I am still wondering how they got their hands on a boy this small and unknown, it was not like Seoul's underground activities demanded attention. Honestly, Sun Yee On, biggest rival and apparently the boss to my family - although I've never met any of the higher ups personally - had never set their eyes on Korea. It's all a bit... weird.”  
  
  
Luhan fixed his gaze on Kris, approaching him because he was entirely curious. “You never talk about your past.”  
  
  
“It's not just mine. It is his, too. It's thanks to my former triad group that I do even know a bit about him,” Kris sighed loudly, head hanging low, “after all he never talks about it. I doubt he really knows what has happened to him and all that he is going through. You, above all, Luhan, should understand though. You know what being used feels like.”  
  
  
Luhan shook his head, punching the bar desk in frustration. “I know. I didn't have a choice. They just kept on coming and coming.”  
  
  
“14k kept their pets like we kept ours, like we kept you. He's been on the other side of the glass. He's watched them getting disowned. Clearly, he was very young back then. Probably mistook that to be some kind of irrational love, that he never received, because... honestly, Luhan. There's no forgiveness, no love in the land of the dragons. You succeed or you die, if you're not kept for pleasure. That is what happened to him.”  
  
  
“You're all thinking I am being mean to him, but I just want him to be safe, just like you. This mission isn't going to bring a fairytale to him. I've got a bad feeling.”  
  
  
Kris chuckled which made Luhan look at the elder, raising an eyebrow at the odd behaviour. Nothing was even remotely funny right now.  
  
  
“Just how you felt about me faking his school diploma.”  
  
  
“No, no, about you letting him enrol into a university before even choosing his major. Education? How would you feel if your kid was in the custody of a killer? A cold-blooded psychopath?”  
  
  
Kris pushed Luhan back, palm flat against the younger's forehead.  
  
  
“You know he isn't that.”  
  
  
Luhan pushed Kris back as well, hands coming up to ruffle his hair before he spoke up angrily. “He's not your normal student, Kris. He threatened someone with a box cutter after that guy told him to play the princess in that school musical. I had to come and pick Jongdae up, because the police didn't want to let him go. I had to tell them it was a bad joke and that his patience is just not as big as an elephant's.”  
  
  
“That was my fault. While I did teach him how to converse like a normal human without jumping at them or crushing their skulls together, I never fixed his outbursts. I let him go a little too early. I understand that. He knew he could be like that with us, because we can all defend ourselves – except for you maybe – but he didn't know that there are other restrictions in public,” Kris defended Jongdae, caring and protective as always, robbing Luhan of his self-control.  
  
  
“He's socially incapable. When we were at that martial arts club for fun and enjoyment, he thought it was a fucking competition. He almost cracked that poor guy's neck!”  
  
  
“Losing always meant dying for him! DYING! He doesn't want to die! Besides that is more than 7 years ago by now. He has learned a lot in that time. You're not giving him enough credit. His grades are good, he's got a friend who at least helps him with homework and for 2 years there hasn't been a single problem. Jongdae's a better person.”  
  
  
“One does not change easily,” Luhan argued, taking a step forward, “or did you tell him to shoot that Jisung guy? He's still acting on his own, just like back at his first mission. It almost cost Lay's head, just because he had to act up and crash into that mafia building like a bulldozer.”  
  
  
“I didn't, but he saved us,” Kris started to talk back, voice clearly showing the annoyance he felt surging through his body. “He's not doing entirely bad at this mission either, but you're neither giving him the time nor the chance. Jongdae won't spoil this. Why don't you believe in him once?”  
  
  
“And wait for a miracle to happen? Before he has even made a move, Kyungsoo will disguise us and heck – this club won't exist much longer,” Luhan said, passing by Kris to slam the door behind him shut. The glasses in the shelve clanked in a bitter sweet melody, covering the audible sigh that left Kris' lips.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
“Oh you guys are already done?” Jongdae asked upon entering the room Lay and Kyungsoo were sitting in, chatting away happily. The man couldn't help wondering why he wasn't like Lay. It would be easier then. He wouldn't be where he was now; still stuck at the starting line.  
  
  
“I asked everything I wanted, although the information is still not complete. I didn't expect for everything to be available and make sense anyway,” Kyungsoo said, still taking notes before letting them disappear in the bag next to his chair.  
  
  
Lay was resting an arm on the backrest of the chair besides him while looking at Jongdae with a soft smile, ushering him over with the use of his hand. Chen made his way over to the elder, squealing in surprise when Yixing suddenly poked his butt and rubbed his belly with the other. The younger pushed him away before sighing, eyes locking onto Kyungsoo's who - for some reason Jongdae didn't like thinking about - actually watched them quite curiously. Maybe that wasn't curiosity though, because once Kyungsoo noticed Jongdae's gaze, he stopped, focusing his attention on his bag, closing it properly.  
  
  
Lay had a confident grin on his face before gesturing for Jongdae to follow Kyungsoo outside. So he did, awkwardly following the slightly smaller man. He kept the distance between them, not invading personal space like he always did, because he knew Kyungsoo did not appreciate that. People seemed to love his obnoxious nature, welcoming the proximity between their bodies. Kyungsoo wasn't – and maybe the best kind of seduction was to value the other's preferences. That wasn't much like him though, Jongdae feared.  
  
  
Deep in thoughts, Jongdae didn't even realise that the journalist had stopped walking and promptly crashed into his back. The touch of their bodies didn't linger for long, mostly because Jongdae took a step back to apologize. Something he never did, because the people would laugh at him or pull him close, perhaps even ruffle his hair – some had such fetishes – but Kyungsoo didn't do anything.  
  
  
“Do you... like helping out?” Kyungsoo suddenly asked, turning around to look at Jongdae who ran a hand through his hair, taken aback by the question but still welcoming the curiosity. Perhaps he wasn't a lost case just because he made a few mistakes. Perhaps he had it in him to turn straight men gay. Perhaps he should stop doubting the signs he couldn't understand or the loss of them.  
  
  
“Yeah, normally I am just dancing a little, using the pole and such. I've never taken any clothes off. I am more or less just a prop on stage. Get to touch 'em and the crowd goes wild. It's kind of funny actually,” Jongdae answered, a soft smile playing around his lips, dimples showing ever so effortlessly.  
  
  
Kyungsoo remained quiet, eyes locked onto Jongdae's – and he felt so weirdly giddy inside, goosebumps slowly starting to cover the naked skin of his arms while his heart skipped a beat – or two. Good thing Jongdae was into music and took it as his side major. While his heartbeat usually played mid tempo, it suddenly went accelerando. Jongdae blinked in surprise, the warmth of his body slowly reaching up to his face. It felt strangely hot and it was a bother, so he simply walked past Kyungsoo.  
  
  
“You never took on an offer? Lay told me Jisung was more often than not here, only for you actually. He also told me how... luxurious his offers were,” Kyungsoo started speaking up again, walking quickly to catch up with Jongdae.  
  
  
The younger male turned to his left, grabbing Kyungsoo's wrist as his fingers felt something cold; a watch. He examined the simple design, black numbers on a white background while a dark blue little hand clicked towards 10. A name was engraved on the outer rim, spelling Soyoung.  
  
  
“They think they can make me theirs with a show of their money, but I am not a slave.” He could feel Kyungsoo's eyes burning on the retina of his eye, displaying a a look of concern. A sudden shiver went up his spine, causing Jongdae to push the younger male forward, capturing Kyungsoo between him and the wall. “Pity... is that all?”  
  
  
“No, no. Dominating,” Kyungsoo spoke up, still looking into Jongdae's eyes and the intensity made Jongdae tremble with glee, “Lay said that pretty boys like to be on top. So... you're strong, I think. I don't feel pity... It's partially admiration for something I cannot quite understand because all of this is... well, not easy to get.”  
  
  
Jongdae let go, flicking his wrist once before turning towards the exit, after all he wanted to grab a taxi for the other male.  
  
  
Lay talked about him? They talked about him? Did he just call him pretty? Lay probably didn't say that, Jongdae deduced because Kyungsoo would have said that as well. He seemed to like to repeat Yixing's words. That aside... what was Lay telling Kyungsoo? Dominating had no direct connection to being on top...  
  
  
Jongdae looked over at Kyungsoo, who was as oblivious as Mary Sue in her teenage years. A small laugh escaped the man's lips before he turned towards the journalist. “Being on top... that doesn't mean for us – pretty boys you said? - to be dominating.” Kyungsoo blinked, tilting his head as Jongdae's face approached his. “Simply means we like to ride cocks.”  
  
  
He could see the twitch of Kyungsoo eyebrows, the slight step back against the wall, but Jongdae just leaned in closer, cheeks touching as he blew hot air against the other male's ear.”I think I'd like for this one,” hand reached down to cup Kyungsoo's crotch quite shamelessly, “to spread me-”  
  
  
He was cut off sharp when the obnoxious loud sound of _Billionaire_ rang through his ears and Kyungsoo disappeared like thin air in front of him to take the call.  
  
  
His only chance just jumped off a cliff like all the little lemmings.  
  
  
A sigh slipped past his lips and before his pride jumped past the invisible boundary, he walked forward, opening the door for Kyungsoo so he could quickly get a taxi for him.  
  
  
“I'll be right there, honey, don't worry, okay?” He heard Kyungsoo talking. The name engraved in Kyungsoo's watch came back to mind; Soyoung. Maybe he should have known that the other male had already given his heart away. Not that Kyungsoo's heart mattered to him.  
  
  
He tapped his hand against his hips repeatedly.  
  
  
It didn't.  
  
  
Jongdae took a deep breath, felt like suffocating although they were out in the open, the cold breeze taking the man by surprise.  
  
  
The student held out his thumb, waiting for a yellow car to drive by and save himself the embarrassment.  
  
  
Even though Kyungsoo was already taken, it was still his mission. Knowing this however, made him feel a little filthy, like he was doing something he shouldn't. He often did things he shouldn't. He killed persons, which was against the law, too, and definitely considered wrong, but he never felt actually bad about it. In a way he didn't even know how to.  
  
  
“Jongdae?” His head spun around before he could even stop himself from reacting, a smile lightening up his features.  
  
  
“Got you a taxi,” he answered, pointing towards the car that just stopped in front of them.  
  
  
Kyungsoo's gaze lingered on Jongdae's eyes a moment longer before he pulled the door of the car open. “It was nice seeing you again. For the inconvenience I apologise,” Jongdae suddenly found himself saying and he bowed to the other once more before the door was closed.  
  
  
Before the car started driving however, Kyungsoo leaned out of the window, shooting the elder a dazzling smile. “I'll see you around, right?” he asked and Jongdae blinked in surprise. Was that a wish? Maybe just some stupid phrase?  
  
  
“Sure, sure,” Jongdae answered before the car pulled away, the back lights fading into the neon scenery of the city called Seoul.  
  
  
“Get your ass in, seriously,” a voice called out and Jongdae turned to see Luhan standing in the door frame. Well, there were a lot of people he would have liked to see, but right now Luhan wasn't any of them.  
  
  
“It's cold and seriously, we don't want to see you get sick.” Fake concern? Jongdae couldn't put a finger on it, but he was not in the mood to argue, so he simply followed the older male's orders.  
  
  
Luhan's eyes looked Chen over curiously, noticing the change in demeanour but he couldn't find himself caring beneath the thick surface of anger, which was still pumping through his veins. His gaze remained stuck on the white metallic object in Jongdae's hands.  
  
  
“Just why do you have that guy's watch?”  
  
  
He received nothing but an innocent smile as an answer.  
  
  


 

 

◆

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
“You should seriously talk more about your investigations. We're all dying of curiousness.”  
  
  
“There are a lot of causes for sudden death, but unsatisfied curiosity is none of them, I believe,” Kyungsoo argued and Baekhyun sighed. Apparently it had been a week since the other visited the club but he didn't want to reveal any of the information he acquired. No, instead he said that it was for Baekhyun's own personal good not to know anything. It was apparently very dangerous. What a joke.  
  
  
“Kyungsoo uncle, look!” a voice chirped which was as clear as the blue sky which was currently covering the sky of Seoul. A bright clear day in summer, hot and humid. Kyungsoo didn't like how damp his clothes felt and how they somehow stuck to his skin.  
  
  
He looked down at the girl besides his work desk and smiled. The girl was holding up a picture which she more than likely had drawn herself. It displayed a happy family that consisted of three persons. He could make out all three, one of them was his colleague Jongin, sitting right across of him and although he couldn't see the young male because of the computer in front of them, he knew that the other was beaming with happiness.  
  
  
“That's really pretty,” Kyungsoo commented, but was cut short by Baekhyun, who pushed the male closer against his desk by pushing the backrest of Kyungsoo's office chair.  
  
  
“Why does your daddy only have four fingers?” Baekhyun asked and Kyungsoo groaned loudly. Leave it to some obnoxious old man to destroy the most glorious family picture.  
  
  
“Maybe you're just incapable of seeing the fifth,” a voice said and a man approached the girl, bright grin stretching across cat lips, “which is by the way at the right place.” Kyungsoo was taken aback by seeing the male here at his work place but didn't make a sound. Who let him in?  
  
  
Jongdae put his finger on the drawing, explaining to Baekhyun that that vertical line indicated another finger. The other didn't seem to be satisfied but intrigued by the new presence at their office.  
  
  
“Oh, I see you found Kyungsoo,” another raspy voice said and said male started to glare daggers at Chanyeol who just entered the room and apparently gave Jongdae enough advice to find him.  
  
  
“So who are you?” Baekhyun spoke up again, checking the man out quite obviously, the ends of his lips twitching upwards in what Kyungsoo would probably call appreciation. Chanyeol was already moving a finger in and out of his mouth, showing Sehun how obvious Baekhyun was and how goddamn awful it was.  
  
  
“Jongdae. I am... a friend of Kyungsoo's.” Jongdae found himself being greeted by a long silence and weird stares before that guy called Baekhyun put a hand on his shoulder, patting it in what seemed to be sympathy.  
  
  
“We all know he's a hard nut. Thanks for being with him.” Jongdae didn't know what to say and maybe that man was just making fun of his colleague, not like Jongdae understood their relationship when all he wanted was to return the watch. So he turned to his left, his arm reaching out towards the male he had been itching to see again – although he could hardly accept it himself. Then again he made sure not to think about it and oh, he was good at pushing unnecessary thoughts away.  
  
  
The male held out the object and once Kyungsoo realized what Jongdae was doing, he snatched the watch from him, puzzled but also quietly happy, beaming brightly at the object that was now back in his possession. He wasted no time putting on the wrist watch again, that neatly hugged his skin before a finger brushed over the engraving. Jongdae's eyes cast downwards before he found himself face to face with Baekhyun.  
  
  
“Nice, you found his watch. He's been bitching around all week. Gosh, how something this silly can mean so much to him,” Baekhyun said, lips pursed before a sigh escaped his lips, pure frustration written all over the other's face and all Jongdae could make out was how expressive this man was. By far he had never met someone who could be this dramatic.  
  
  
“Don't listen to him, Jongdae. Baekhyun has just some damn serious psychological shortcomings,” Kyungsoo suddenly said and Baekhyun made the most impressive shocked expression, mouth wide open in a silent scream before he tugged at his own shirt, whispering how much that had just hurt him.  
  
  
Jongdae couldn't stop himself from laughing, the bright noise echoed through the room and everyone joined in for one reason or another. It didn't last long because there was suddenly a tug on his left pant leg. When he looked down, Jongdae spotted the little girl again and knelt down to match her level.  
  
  
“Kyungsoo-oppa has a very handsome friend!” she exclaimed, shocking Jongdae a little because she was just as expressive and honest as that obnoxious man called Baekhyun. Perhaps he was a very bad influence. A smile formed on his face nevertheless and he pat the girl gently, fingers carding through her soft hair with ease. If there was someone he could get along with, then that was definitely a child.  
  
  
“Oh I am so sorry,” a man slightly taller than Kyungsoo apologised, swooping the girl of her feet before grinning at Jongdae. The student could easily make him out to be the father and it wasn't simply because he was carrying her around like a treasure. No, the girl latched onto him like a second skin and giggled happily when he handed her the banana milk.  
  
  
“Don't spoil her so much, seriously,” someone else spoke up and the father shot him a glare before leaning forward to kiss the man's lips. Easy and shortly, like nothing really had happened. Jongdae looked around, seeing different facial expressions; Baekhyun sighed before rolling his eyes. Kyungsoo was nonchalant as always, fingers typing away as he had seemingly started to work again, something that made Jongdae slightly upset. He didn't let it get to him though and simply turned on his heels to leave again. This visit wasn't the best idea in the first place.  
  
  
“You're good with kids,” the red head commented, smiling sweetly at Jongdae, who only rubbed the back of his head with his hand, not exactly knowing what to say because this was primarily his major, something he had been studying for almost three years now. If he couldn't even do that, then perhaps he should be giving this up as well, much like he was currently suffering from the seducing blues, if that was even possible.  
  
  
“Where did you meet Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun suddenly asked and his co-worker's head spun around like a cat that has heard a dog barking. Jongdae noticed but didn't even try to understand it, because he was contemplating about whether to tell the truth or not. There was no time for him to think about though, when Kyungsoo got up to throw an arm around Jongdae's shoulder, something that caught the other off guard, eyes widening as he stared at the man besides him.  
  
  
They had been this close before but now Jongdae easily found himself appreciating the other's heavenly features. Big doe eyes, plump, luscious lips and thick expressive eyebrows. A perfect nose topped it all and Jongdae's hands started fidgeting, skin feeling hot beneath the touch. Kyungsoo definitely had a unique appearance but it was so perfect that Jongdae checked on himself, only wearing worn out muddy sneakers, a black and blue striped pullover plus the slim black jeans he loved so much.  
  
  
He was not even half a match for Kyungsoo in his office clothes; white clean shirt, black blazer and trousers that hugged his body in all the right places. Not too mention those quite expensive looking trainers. A sigh slipped past his lips before he could stop himself but at least the others interpreted something different into his actions.  
  
  
“He's already tired of you... But we can all understand you well, Jongdae.”  
  
  
“Shut up, Baek,” Kyungsoo hissed and Jongdae looked up again to meet the other's eyes. He didn't think that Kyungsoo could actually curse or tell people to be silent with such force, especially not when the man was this tiny.  
  
  
“So where did you meet?” the red head named Chanyeol spoke up, still smiling this dazzling and bright smile of his. Making Jongdae think that perhaps the man didn't even know how to be sad. Then again, he was maybe just having a good day.  
  
  
“We've gone to the same high school.” Well, that was a blatant lie and Jongdae didn't even need to remind himself of keeping his mouth shut. He didn't know about Kyungsoo's goal, but he knew better than to scream out the truth. Nobody of them seemed like they were used to lowlifes that came from the street, without a home and ended up working at strip clubs. Yeah, maybe it was just perfect to be a normal civilian.  
  
  
“Ah, I see. Old school mates. So how did he get his hands on your wrist watch?” Baekhyun inquired and something about the other's curiosity really pissed Jongdae off. He had stolen it, obviously. He needed a new chance to meet his target, although nothing has been running exactly smoothly. Jongdae by now could barely point out his charms, but somehow he had this unsatisfactory thirst of wanting to see Kyungsoo again, even if his approach was kind of childish.  
  
  
“We met at the reunion a week ago,” Kyungsoo explained but turned quiet when Baekhyun raised an eyebrow, not exactly convinced by that statement.  
  
  
“I thought Jongdae could talk as well,” Baekhyun said, the tip of his foot tipping eagerly against the ground, again and again.  
  
  
“We ended up at my flat, talking a lot because we hadn't seen each other in so long, although we were besties at school. Clumsy me then spilled some juice all over his clothes. He had to take them off and left his wrist watch in my bathroom,” Jongdae explained and before Baekhyun could voice another one of his suspicious remarks the student started talking again, “I know he probably wouldn't forget his wrist watch but there was suddenly a very important call from Soyoung and he left in a hurry.” Girlfriends always were a good excuse, right?  
  
  
“Oh Kyungsoo forgets about everything when it comes to Soyoung.” Jongdae looked at Chanyeol, who nodded away with a bright grin much to Kyungsoo's annoyance. “Love must be so wonderful.”  
  
  
“Indeed, she's my treasure. Nobody of you will ever get to touch her,” Kyungsoo threatened and Jongdae smiled slightly. Love really was all kinds of wonderful. It was just that Jongdae never got much of it and somehow stopped believing in it. Praise and acknowledgement instead filled the space of his heart. Receiving it was like chocolate on a Sunday when you decided to go on diet – Jongdae had tried, he hated every moment of it.  
  
  
“Well, whatever. Jongdae?” Baekhyun looked straight at Jongdae, who nodded in response, wondering about what Kyungsoo's co-worker wanted from him this time around. He was grateful for Baekhyun buying the other story any way. Jongdae could see this as his benefit, because no one of them would probably talk to him knowing he was grinding his crotch against a pole every second night, much less if they were to know that he shoots out eyes while feeling nothing but pure satisfaction.  
  
  
Kyungsoo's reason for hiding their relationship was a mystery to Jongdae though, because honestly, they all knew about his investigations, were probably even supportive of gay tendencies. So what was it, Do Kyungsoo?  
  
  
“Oh, I was just wondering if perhaps... you'd like to be at our karaoke party?” Jongdae's eyes widened, blinking in distress. He had often heard about it. People at university were talking about that thing every day. Some perhaps went there every day. That would explain how awful they looked the next day, how some even fell asleep within the lecture. Jongdae could never do that, never missed a lecture. He knew how precious this turn of life was, how freedom felt for the first time and how he wanted to be good for Kris, how he wanted to make his hyungs proud.  
  
  
“W-When?” Jongdae asked without another thought, stepping forward to be closer to Baekhyun. The only one who seemingly wanted to give him another chance at seducing Kyungsoo, even if he didn't know about Jongdae's mission. Then again, what if Kyungsoo wasn't even attending?  
  
  
“Thursday next week. To celebrate the beginning of fall,” his target answered from behind and Jongdae thought about it for a minute or two, he didn't know because contemplating with himself was somewhat exhausting. If it were to run late, he'd miss the first lecture or he could attend and fall asleep. Either way, no good grade, no good impression and especially, next week was the start of his preparations for kindergarten, his voluntary project.  
  
  
Fuck it all.  
  
  
“Hmm, sure,” Jongdae answered, locking eyes with Kyungsoo who was once again just a cover without context. How was he ever going to read that guy? “If you'll have me,” he added after a moment of thought. Kyungsoo blinked, giving Jongdae quite the stern gaze, eyebrows furrowed.  
  
  
“Why wouldn't I?” he asked back and Jongdae nodded his head, skipping forward into the other's personal space.  
  
  
“Right, after all we're... good friends.” Jongdae tried smiling genuinely, but it didn't come out right, he could feel that. It was stuck, just like his feelings, somewhere in the light of day, searching for the stars.  
  
  
Kyungsoo looked at him for a moment longer and Jongdae was stunned as the other's hand came up to push his hair down. He had styled it today, unlike the other days were he was way too lazy and now Kyungsoo ruined it. To think he had tried so hard for the man. To think he had tried to change something in order to be appealing. Just his luck.  
  
  
“I think girls would like it down.”  
  
  
“Trying to shroud your own preferences?” Kyungsoo's hand disappeared as quickly as it managed to tug at Jongdae's heart and the student looked over to a male wearing a fancy white button down shirt along with even whiter shorts. It was so shiny, it sparkled in the reflection of the window next to him.  
  
  
“I didn-”  
  
  
“Nice to meet you, Jongdae,” the man cut him short, approaching Jongdae before leaning over with a very gentle and beautiful smile, “my name is Joonmyeon, Kyungsoo's superior and apparently the owner of this magazine he writes articles for. I am so glad to meet one of Kyungsoo's friends. All we know is Soyoung and no matter how precious she is, it's nice to know Kyungsoo has someone besides her.” Jongdae tried to process the other's words, not knowing what the other male was exactly hinting at. Kyungsoo being an outsider or someone who only needed his girlfriend, that he perhaps was too narrow minded? This was too much for Jongdae.  
  
  
He bowed nonetheless and turned to Kyungsoo. “You would really like me to come?” he asked again, because above all, he wanted to respect Kyungsoo's decision. Not as the friend he made him out to be, but as Jongdae, who was hopelessly riding himself into the deepest chaos.  
  
  
“I'll be waiting for you,” Kyungsoo answered and Jongdae liked the imagination of having someone wait for him, of having someone expecting him to come, that someone was looking forward to seeing him. It felt so good.  
  
  
“I'll be seeing you, text me the details,” Jongdae said and he fished his cellphone out of his pockets. He wanted to turn around, give it to Baekhyun, but Kyungsoo snatched it away before Jongdae could even turn on his heels. Surely, he had never specified for whom to take it, but wasn't it more than obvious after Baekhyun had invited him in the first place?  
  
  
Jongdae watched Kyungsoo punch in his own number, before calling his cellphone using Jongdae's. “I will,” he answered after a small moment and handed the other his cellphone back. Jongdae was astonished, eyes scanning the display in front of him.  
  
  
_Don't feel burdened because that idiot invited you. You decide, Jongdae_.  
  
  
He closed the message, drafting it before searching for Kyungsoo's number. It was there. Labelled with his own name. Not like he had expected the other to make up a nickname or even try to be funny. Dark chocolate brown orbs searched for Kyungsoo's, nodding in a thanks before making his way out of the building, bidding everyone goodbye.  
  
  
  
  
“Heck, he's beautiful, Kyungsoo. Like sculptured art, like... like you know, when god gave away beauty and grace, he had definitely dropped that powder shit all over him. Those sharp features, those cheekbones and those long eyelashes. Oh my god, Kyungsoo. How can you not think of fu-” Joonmyeon's hand stopped Baekhyun from going on and he glanced over at Kyungsoo who was still kinda occupied looking after Jongdae before turning his attention towards Baekhyun.  
  
  
“He's into guys, you might try your luck.” Baekhyun beamed happily, jumping away giddily while Joonmyeon kept his eyes a little longer on his employee. How painfully oblivious. Joonmyeon looked over his reflection in the window before grinning. He was not one to talk.  
  
  
“I want us all to look through our achieve after that party. We need to support Kyungsoo and his investigations in our own ways.” Kyungsoo merely smiled at his boss, while the others nodded furiously. They were interested in the case, too, although they handed any kind of responsibility over to Kyungsoo. They were ready to dig out whatever they could find and Jongin was quite sure that there had been mafia articles in the past, because he had studied all of them upon entering the magazine. It was some damn good practice back then.  
  
  
“Thanks, guys. I only have this month left to work at it. Time's running out and if I can't get my hands on something exclusive, I have to return to writing about boring politics and they really piss me off nowadays!”  
  
  


 

 

◆

  
  
  
  
  
Jongdae was dreading Thursday, the day of their meet up. He hadn't told anyone and the preparations for his volunteering project weren't going exactly smoothly either. For some reason he didn't think that they would visit the kindergarten without further warning and while he had spend some time at a kindergarten that only took care of disabled children, he had never known how exhausting these brats could be. One jumped into a puddle on the street, promptly wetting Jongdae's trousers, not too mention the mud.  
  
  
The next time he took one eye of the girls, they had drawn weird stuff on the walls using the make up, the female nursery teacher had stored in the bathroom. It was of course him who had to clean the fucking walls and heck, it was kind of hard to rub a rag along lines that didn't want to disappear.  
  
  
He wanted to serve dinner for the kids and the teacher to make up for his loss – which was apparently only his, since the other two students didn't even spend him a gaze and instead focused on one or two kids. Jongdae could write a manual by now on how to piss himself off. It wasn't long before the next mistake came along. He noticed that one of the kids had gone missing and of course he started searching for the boy, only to find him gnawing at the wooden stairs. Wow, talk about weird. Jongdae then asked the kid why he did it. “My dog does it too.”  
  
  
He spend like an hour telling the boy that he was not a dog. That he wouldn't become a dog and that he also probably wasn't a dog in his past life. Little did he know in what kind of shit he rode himself when the boy asked him innocently about what a past life is supposed to be. Jongdae certainly didn't want to touch the subject of death, but how was he going to get himself out of this precarious situation?  
  
  
Right, he used Rilakkuma as an example. That teddy was after all the motive of his underwear. Jongdae figured the boy liked it. He didn't question the boy's preferences. That was not his place and maybe, maybe he did like teddies, that wouldn't be too weird. Kids like that stuff. Once he said those magic words, the boy was all over him, asking if perhaps he could be Rilakkuma in his next life. _“Of course, you can be anything you want.”_  
  
  
Another lie. Jongdae could put that on his list of stupid useless lies. He did have one, but he stopped counting in between and picked it up a year later again. He didn't like lying, but there was no way of a next or past life. There was death. Death was the end. Eternal sleep, some put it while Jongdae was not sure about how peaceful sleeping could be. What was it worth sleeping only to be plagued by regrets and sins? Jongdae didn't want to die. Jongdae didn't want to relive his life.  
  
  
The cold, the dark, the pain.  
  
  
None of that.  
  
  
He was still debating about his answer and if perhaps that was the right thing to tell the boy, when his cellphone vibrated in the pocket of his jeans. He managed to pull it out, thumb running over the scanner before the message opened up automatically.  
  
  
_Black or blue?_  
  
  
Kyungsoo's name blinked up on the screen and Jongdae stared at it coldly for a minute. What the fuck? Black or blue what?  
  
  
_Any colour suits you, man._  
  
  
Jongdae shook his head and ran a hand over his clothes in his wardrobe. He had nothing really formal, no suits or anything. The choice was not grand, so Jongdae put on a simple black shirt, blue jeans which were ripped at his knees – courtesy to Tao playing around with scissors – and his black gym shoes. He felt underdressed.  
  
  
He picked up his phone again.  
  
  
_Do you have snapchat?_  
  
  
_Sure._  
  
  
He didn't know how he felt about giving Kyungsoo his snapchat account. It wasn't long before said person added him. Jongdae stared at the profile for a good whole minute until a picture popped up.  
  
  
Jongdae started coughing, legs kicking the chair in front of him violently before he started howling like a wolf. Before he could even comprehend anything, the picture was gone. The man stared at his screen a little longer, brain vaguely remembering how Kyungsoo's skin seemed to be illuminated by the lighting of the cellphone camera. Why the hell would Kyungsoo send him a half-naked picture of himself only clad in black trousers? Jongdae could still vividly see that chest covered by Kyungsoo's arms. He was buff and hell, Jongdae liked that.  
  
  
_What do you think?_  
  
  
Oh, was this going to be a counselling on how to dress himself perfectly to get laid tonight? If so, Jongdae had none of that, because holy fuck, he was missing out on something if it was not him getting Kyungsoo's dick-  
  
  
Jongdae shook his head aggressively, grabbing the little koala shaped lamp on his bed side cabinet to hit himself on the forehead. Okay, so it had been a while since he had someone and maybe he was missing it, but this was too much hormones and less brain than he could muster up. He was acting like a virgin school girl who was crushing on a senior.  
  
  
For a moment he stared up at the ceiling, playing the game where he didn't exist, but his phone soon lightened up again.  
  
  
_Is it that bad?_  
  
  
So bad Jongdae was scared of getting a boner.  
  
  
_Why? You already have a girlfriend. There's no need to dress fancily._  
  
  
Maybe he was playing with Jongdae. That wasn't possible though. Kyungsoo knew how gay Jongdae was, heck, he had touched him most inappropriately, but he didn't seem to be the guy for teasing and playing around. This was more of a silent scream for help. He probably didn't even realise what he was doing.  
  
  
_Who told you that? I'm single. Single and maybe a bit desperate for someone to join me tonight._  
  
  
Then who was Soyoung? No, wait, why was Kyungsoo saying all that jizz?  
  
  
_As my new best friend you should help me._  
  
  
Jongdae wanted to scream at these words.  
  
  
_I am sorry._  
  
  
The mafia boy's lips twitched up into a grin. Wow, Kyungsoo was letting him play the role of his new gay best friend? That was so weird.  
  
  
_I thought you could help me. I mean, I see you and you're dressed so well. Fashion for you seems easy and here I am standing in front of my wardrobe like a loser. I've never been good at choosing clothes. I don't even know why I am telling you, but it's so easy. Baekhyun would bicker and tease me. Chanyeol never had a sense for fashion. Jongin is so gay for Sehun that I'd never even consider texting them. So how weird would it be to ask my boss? I can't. You're my only option._  
  
  
_Are you still there?_  
  
  
_If I hurt your feelings, Jongdae, I am sorry._  
  
  
_I am such a fool, it's a pain._  
  
  
The messages popped up one after another, never stopping and Jongdae simply read one after another. He felt hurt, in one way. He wanted Kyungsoo to notice him and he did, he did notice his sense of fashion. That was not what Jongdae wanted, not nearly and how could he give Kyungsoo advice on how to dress? He wanted to get laid. He didn't want Kyungsoo to get it on with someone else. Was he never an option? Jongdae bit down on his bottom lip, the grasp around his cellphone tightening until he let it fall to the ground.  
  
  
His mission was shit.  
  
  
Everything was utter shit.  
  
  
Shit, shit, shit.  
  
  
Jongdae collected himself soon after, picking up the cellphone once again.  
  
  
_You look good in those trousers. Choose black whenever you can, it looks really hot on you, believe me._  
  
  
He turned his head, looking at the mirror next to his bed. All he could see was a sad and exhausted reflection of himself.  
  
  
He opened up his last chat with Yixing and started typing away.  
  
  
_Tell me I am hot._  
  
  
He waited a few more minutes.  
  
  
_You're ethereal, Jongdae._  
  
  


 

 

◆

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
For more than just one reason, he hoped that Yixing was at least being honest with him. He could be friends with Kyungsoo. He could stop the man from going on his investigations and any stupid article. Maybe this was going to work, too. He was not good either. He had approached Kyungsoo with the wrong thing in mind.  
  
  
Jongdae swallowed hard, heart pumping blood through his body at a rate the man found hard to cope with. It was like he was ready to explode. Ready to scream at Kyungsoo. He was sure it was going to be some incoherent mess though. He felt like it. He still did, even after drowning the third glass of wine. Expensive wine.  
  
  
It was Joonmyeon's treat apparently and Baekhyun poured him a glass once his was empty. It had gone on for more than an hour now. Chanyeol and Jongin were busy rapping the night away while Sehun simply sat in the corner, watching his boyfriend with interest. Jongdae looked over to him, but his gaze only led to Jongin's ass and thus Jongdae thought it was inappropriate to continue staring.  
  
  
He had managed to grab the spot besides Kyungsoo which was supposed to be an achievement but the student felt none of that. The alcohol was making it better though. It felt less frustrating, less infuriating. He felt better when the waitress came over to serve them or more especially Kyungsoo. She was flirting with him openly and hey, Kyungsoo was kind of flirting back, wearing that lovely black pullover and those tight jeans which she was practically cooing over.  
  
  
Jongdae wanted to spit into the drink, she put down in front of Kyungsoo. That was not an option though and while his chance was slipping through his grasp like the wind, Jongdae could only keep drinking. The boy knew why he didn't drink at the bar. His tolerance level was somewhere... non-existent.  
  
  
His body already started heating up at the 4th glass and he saved himself further embarrassment when he leaned over, hand coming up to tug at Kyungsoo's collar before he whispered into the man's ear. “You want her?”  
  
  
Kyungsoo turned to look at Jongdae, who only backed away, scared by the proximity, how his lips had almost touched Kyungsoo's. Scared at how much he actually wanted to feel the other's lips against his own. Not just Kyungsoo's lips. All of Kyungsoo. For Kyungsoo Jongdae could give himself away. For Kyungsoo it didn't feel utterly wrong. Kyungsoo, very dear Kyungsoo.  
  
  
Jongdae could feel the skin burning beneath his fingertips where he was still tugging at the other's collar. “Am I being obvious?” he only asked and Jongdae wanted to use his hair to clean the ground. Anything to get his ass away from here, anything to actually pretend that he did not care and that this was not getting to his head – while it was, quite hard. Might be the alcohol though.  
  
  
“You say that....” Jongdae's voice faded into nothingness before his hand reached a little lower. The mafia boy fixed Kyungsoo's tie before leaning over once more. “But you don't even know how to tie your tie really,” he hiccuped once, breaking into a fit of giggles and unnecessary smiles, because seriously, the world felt so easy on his shoulders. Jongdae managed to stay that close silently, eyes locked onto Kyungsoo's a while longer – big big doe hazelnut brown eyes, very beautiful brown eyes. His eyes scanned Kyungsoo's lips next, big thick plump and all kinds of wonderful. He wasn't even freaked out by himself and heck, he was staring for a minute or two, maybe even longer. He had lost his feeling for the time moments ago or maybe it was longer than that – he hadn't the slightest idea.  
  
  
  
  
When he could pick up Baekhyun's bright obnoxious laugh, he turned his head, hands resting on Kyungsoo's broad shoulders by now. Yeah, he wasn't build up with abs or pecs, but it felt sturdy, buff to an extent that was perfect for his size. His hands however disappeared beneath the desk when the waitress came again, serving Jongdae the sushi he ordered hours ago – but he doubted it had actually been that long, it just felt like an eternity. He was starving.  
  
  
“You like it raw?” Baekhyun asked and for some reason that Jongdae couldn't comprehend, he started laughing, cracking at the worst joke he had heard in years. Alcohol made everything seem a little funnier. Even Baekhyun was funny. Not his obnoxious loud self that had declared to be the king of karaoke when they entered the place. No, he was quite the awkward mess of chuckles and bad bad gay jokes.  
  
  
“Hell yes,” Jongdae spluttered without another thought and Baekhyun kept on laughing like it was the most funny conversation he had led in a long long long time. Jongdae joined in his laughter only a second later, hand clapping away at Kyungsoo's thigh. He had no time to spare him a glance though, because Baekhyun's hand was suddenly grabbing his face from across the table.  
  
  
“You've got a great friend, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun commented and Joonmyeon turned his head away, not wanting to spend one minute longer in this room. “You should fuck him well before someone else does.” Jongdae blinked, noticing everyone's stares once Baekhyun had finished slurring, hiccuping and blinking away the tiredness that managed to actually find its way into the other's system.  
  
  
It felt awkward and heck, he might be a little tipsy, but he was not a complete goner. That was too much. The waitress came in once more and Jongdae's mood jumped aboard. It was so sour, he could feel his skin crawl. When she bowed over the table to ask Kyungsoo about his order, Jongdae couldn't find it in him anymore to keep sitting, to keep bearing this awful situation. So he got up, mentally cursing at himself for cheering Kyungsoo on in the first place.  
  
  
He asked for Chanyeol's microphone, who draped his arms around Chen's neck. It was easy because of his height and Jongdae didn't mind it at all. In fact it felt slightly comforting and Chanyeol was softly telling him things like 'it's alright, that's only Baek being stupid', 'you're really cute, don't worry', 'Kyungsoo isn't mad at you at all, believe me'. All those things and it felt caring, like Chanyeol was slightly tipsy but still managed to be exactly himself.  
  
  
Jongin patted his neck, chuckling softly when he made recommendations on songs. “Blow us all away,” he said and Jongdae nodded, singing away when _7 years of love_ started playing on the screen.  
  
  
“Ah fuck,” Baekhyun murmured, eyes searching for Kyungsoo's. “Sorry, but... oh.” The man turned around to look at Jongdae, watching him sing in awe. Joonmyeon tilted his head with a smile because that man knew how to sing and his voice was pleasant. It was so clear and intensive that he soon found goosebumps all over his skin.  
  
  
The waitress seized her chance, finally managing to sit down next to Kyungsoo but the attention that was on her just moments ago was lost in space. She followed Kyungsoo's eyes to the boy singing his heart out. At least he looked a like a very young man, although she supposed the man was just as old as Kyungsoo besides her.  
  
  
For the rest of the song, she remained sitting next to Kyungsoo only to be ignored and robbed of her chance to ask him out. How could she do it when his utter attention was focused on that man? She couldn't, so she got up again to disappear, ready to serve the other guests. There were more to ask out, it was not like she could limit herself down to one single man.  
  
  
Jongdae sat down next to Kyungsoo again, face feeling hot and he didn't even manage to look up at his target. He didn't like that word anymore, had lost its touch, its meaning. If Kyungsoo managed to wreck him with a gaze, then perhaps, perhaps it was time to give up and let it slip, turn the mission over to Luhan and dig a hole for himself to hide in.  
  
  
He didn't even notice how Kyungsoo shifted to sit closer, arm encircling his waist. “You okay?” He saw a hand waving in front of his face and shook his head. He was not alright. He was having this weird sickness Lay told him about before. The one... where... Jongdae was having a hard time not to let his eyes simply fall close and leaned into the body next to him. Soft. Squishy.  
  
  
“I'll take Jongdae home, okay guys?” Kyungsoo asked, dragging the limp body of Jongdae upwards. Joonmyeon got up to help his co-worker, one arm supporting Jongdae's waist while Kyungsoo simply opened up the doors for them.  
  
  
“Kyungsoo, yah,” Joonmyeon spoke up again when he managed to push Jongdae into the seat next to the driver's, closing the door quietly for Jongdae to keep sleeping, “I think it's safe to say that Jongdae is not your best friend from high school.”  
  
  
Kyungsoo merely blinked, opening the door of his car to get in, only to be stopped by Joonmyeon, who slipped his arm between the body of Kyungsoo and the door. “I am telling you to watch out and be careful. I am not as oblivious as the others. I know that this is one of the guys you met at the club. They probably know about you already and want to get rid of you-”  
  
  
“Using him?” Kyungsoo looked at the image of Jongdae snoring away quietly, face pressed against the backrest of the seat as he tried to make himself comfortable by tugging his legs closer to himself. “He's just cute, right?” Kyungsoo turned his head to look at Joonmyeon who looked at him with the most bewildered gaze his co-worker had ever seen.  
  
  
“The cutest are the ones you should stay away from... Uhm, Kyungsoo?” Said man tore his eyes away from Jongdae easily and looked back at his superior. “Stay safe and take the boy home.”  
  
  
“He's actually older than me, but he looks like a teenager,” Kyungsoo chuckled and Joonmyeon only shook his head, confusing the younger male completely. It wasn't long before Joonmyeon left the parking lot anyway and Kyungsoo entered his car, starting the engine before letting his eyes wander over Jongdae's features.  
  
  
There was one thing he understood. Jongdae was extremely handsome, as if god had sculptured him into the perfect human being.  
  
  


 

 

◆

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Jongdae's eyes slowly fluttered open again, the neon lights crashing down on him, blinding. It happened a few more times until everything went pitch black in front of him again. Only then he realised that he was in a car and that it was Seoul flying past him in pretty lights. Eyes darted at the apple air freshener at the ceiling of the car, which was actually clad in nice leather seats. He felt a bit wrong about placing his shoes on the soft surface. The man hadn't even realised and yet he could make out the faintest imprint. The student quickly reached down to clean the seat, rubbing the dirt away by using his fingers. Worked perfectly.  
  
  
“Good morning, Jongdae.” The student turned to his left, fidgeting when he saw Kyungsoo, eyes focused on the street in front of them. He didn't know what to say, didn't know what to make of these situations anymore. Had he done something stupid or did he simply fall asleep? Either way, it was quite embarrassing. “You're working at that strip club but you still manage to fall asleep after 4 glasses of wine? Isn't that a bit too much?”  
  
  
Was he.. nagging? “I am sorry,” Jongdae said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. Pictures of the karaoke party flashed in front of him. Particularly Baekhyun's words and the lack of Kyungsoo's expression. Why didn't he look at him back then and observe his expression? He knew he had stared at Kyungsoo just moments prior. Why was it so hard when it came to himself and how Kyungsoo viewed him? He didn't sign up for this shit.  
  
  
“So where's your home?” Kyungsoo asked and Jongdae could make out a smile in the dim light, but he wasn't sure. It was too dark, he could only see the street in front of them. Did Kyungsoo drive around while Jongdae was asleep, waiting for the boy to wake up? That would be pretty stupid. The student looked over to Kyungsoo, who was still focusing his attention on the street in front of them.  
  
  
Probably not. “Not gonna tell,” Jongdae said, lips pushed together in a thin line. His chance... was not going to slip away this time around. Honestly, he didn't know why he kept trying. A look at the driver was enough to make himself throw all doubts aside. “I...I am sorry about that girl. I fucked it up,” Jongdae suddenly apologised, but Kyungsoo never looked away from the street. He didn't need to worry about Kyungsoo seeing him then.  
  
  
“I want to take you home, Jongdae,” Kyungsoo offered once more, shaking his head a few times, “it's fine. I had company I enjoyed... Your singing is very nice, Jongdae, as soft as an angel and as bright as the sun.”  
  
  
Jongdae thanked the other quietly, only vaguely remembering what he had sung. He knew he did and that he was feeling giddy all over again, a slight grin playing around his lips. There was something he was good at!  
  
  
“You don't want to go home?” Jongdae turned his head, looking straight at Kyungsoo before shaking his head. He didn't want to waste this time without Kyungsoo. It was enough to even consider that his time before meeting the other was a waste. It hadn't been exactly that, not when Kris cared so much for him, but he couldn't stop feeling like that. As if he had been waiting for Kyungsoo for he didn't even know how long. Didn't make much sense but then again Kris had told him that some feelings are beyond logic and what a human is able to comprehend.  
  
  
Right now he had hit that point. A night with Kyungsoo, perhaps it would be a success. Perhaps not. He himself didn't have big hopes, but everything was better than his home. He had made sure to decorate it nicely, paint the walls in lively bright colours, let the feelings of happiness overrun him whenever Yuri – his roommate and best friend of Kris – came home, but lately she hadn't been there that much and it felt empty. The only thing his flat was missing were bars in front of his windows, to remind him of his past and the cage he had called his shelter for years.  
  
  
Jongdae pulled his upper lip in between his teeth, momentarily spacing out before Kyungsoo pulled over into a parking lot. The mafia boy looked around curiously, recognizing the neighbourhood before chuckling quietly. “You actually live in Apgujeong? Huh, fancy.” He let go of the handle, he had grabbed unconsciously and wanted to turn back to Kyungsoo, but once he turned his head, he promptly bumped against the other's forehead. “Ah fuck, sorry,” Jongdae murmured, but Kyungsoo only cracked a laugh.  
  
  
The student blinked in surprise, wondering what was going on.  
  
  
“You looked so in thought and ready to fall asleep again, I just wanted to make sure you wouldn't.” Jongdae pouted hard, giving Kyungsoo one long look of anger before pushing the car door open, smiling when he felt the fresh air hit his face.  
  
  
“How did you want to make sure?”  
  
  
“Firstly I had to check out, but then you already spoke up and turned around quickly. You caught me a little off guard, honestly,” Kyungsoo admitted and Jongdae could feel the heat pooling in his cheeks, “Didn't mean to scare you, sorry.”  
  
  
That wasn't it.  
  
  
“Let's go inside.” Jongdae followed Kyungsoo out of the car before walking over to the door of what Jongdae would call a very fancy and quite big house. It was nothing short of beautiful, especially since it gave off a similar vibe to all the houses you saw in the tv whenever they showed a documentary about America. Then again, this house was smaller than the other ones, the roof didn't look as shiny and the door looked quite... muddy near the ground.  
  
  
“Courtesy to my parents. I can barely pay them for their kindness,” Kyungsoo explained to him without another word and the two of them made their way inside. The rooms were fairly large; at least the bathroom was twice as big as his own. The kitchen and living room were combined and heck, the kitchen looked all kinds of expensive. It was a mix of white and red, which was beautiful, but when Jongdae brushed his hands over the electric kitchen stove, he felt a little bit outdated. Not that he was living in medieval times but something expensive as this was out of his reach. Eyes ran along the nicely sorted kitchen utensils which were right above the stove. He had a lot of them, few Jongdae had never ever seen in his life. So he deduced that perhaps, perhaps Kyungsoo really liked to cook.  
  
  
Or to eat, judging the mega sized fridge. Jongdae blinked twice before making his way over to the living room. There was a black long sofa where the student supposed he’d sleep tonight. It was big enough for the two of them though. The living room was simple, shelves were at the far end, filled with books that probably contained no pictures, stuff Jongdae was used to due to university, but it was tiring.  
  
  
There were few articles behind glass, which looked extremely important. They were stuck to the walls and Jongdae made his way over, studying the words. Apparently they were critics or letters directed at Kyungsoo (the editor) or about the journalist. He seemed to value his job and Jongdae did think that being able to investigate different things was kind of awesome. Not the kind of awesome which makes your jaw drop to the floor but which was a nice change to the boring university life he led.  
  
  
On the right side of the room was a big lamp with floral ornaments on it. Jongdae supposed it was as expensive as the fridge Yuri and him owned and that it had been the most expensive item the two of them ever owned. They already had to repair it twice, courtesy to Tao who had come over for late night dinner. Both didn’t know how he managed to wreck their fridge but didn’t ask him further questions, because they knew there was no talking with Tao when the latter remained in a defensive stance.  
  
  
A soft sigh escaped his lips before he stormed into the next room; the bathroom. Jongdae was in awe at the big shower and the cute figures of dolphins and wales which were resting on a shelve next to it. The room was easily as big as Yuri’s and his space combined. Kyungsoo must have never had a hard life, Jongdae thought and felt slightly irritated. Nevertheless he studied the rest of Kyungsoo’s bathroom, which was kept in light blue with few white accents, like the toilet or shower.  
  
  
“What a life,” he commented, noting that Kyungsoo was suddenly standing besides him, only clad in joggers and a shirt that was a little bit too tight for Jongdae’s liking. Not that he minded it, but heck, it was not good for the elder.  
  
  
“This actually belongs to my parents, I am simply living here, paying the expenses while they travel around,” Kyungsoo explained and for some reason it didn’t sound as fond as it probably should for owning such massive space in a district of Seoul that was unapproachable by simple yet hard-working individuals.  
  
  
“I see, a rich brat,” Jongdae said and Kyungsoo chuckled softly. The student didn’t know what to make of that response and simply continued exploring, hands finding their way to the last door knob. He pulled the door open and his eyes widened at the huge bed, two nightstands and the full hd television – oh, he had seen that model in a store – at the corner of the room. It was coloured in red and white again, matching the kitchen.  
  
  
“This is grand. You’ll be sleeping like a baby,” Jongdae said, fingers running along the edge of the table next to the bed before he threw himself onto the fluffy mattress, chuckling at the resistance of the material. It was perfect and Kyungsoo didn’t even know what for. Although he kind of thought that Kyungsoo might have already tested everything out in such a huge bed.  
  
  
Then again, he did say he didn’t have a girlfriend. It was confusing and Jongdae didn’t find it in himself to ask about the name which was engraved on his watch which he did wear day in day out.  
  
  
“You’ll be sleeping there. I’ll take the sofa,” Kyungsoo explained and the older male shook his head.  
  
  
“But I am the guest!” he protested but it died down when Kyungsoo ruffled his hair.  
  
  
“Exactly.” Was he treating him like a child now? If so, Jongdae didn’t like it. It might have only been a friendly gesture though and for a moment it felt right – before wrong all over again.  
  
  
“Why am I even here?” he found himself asking the question out loud, confusing Kyungsoo who only raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
  
“I... touched you there, Kyungsoo. As the straight individual you are, maybe you should reconsider my company.” He was destroying everything by himself and still it felt light and right of him to say. The alcohol was still there, easing his tongue to ask the questions that have been on his mind every day.  
  
  
Kyungsoo remained quiet, probably not knowing the answer either. “I wanted to touch you there, you know. I still want to. I want to do so much more, Kyungsoo. All the things I want to do with you, putting them into words would be embarrassing—“ he thought about the times where he tried dirty talk with guys and found it so extremely exciting, he nearly orgasmed right there and then – but he didn’t because few of them were so ugly he wanted to vomit.  
  
  
Telling Kyungsoo all those things was highly embarrassing and not a tad exciting, not when the other was playing with him, unknowingly or not. “But you do know what I mean, because you know where I am helping out. Oh, Kyungsoo. Are you trying that hard not to see it or am I the only one feeling like complete shit?” His stomach did a weird turn and Jongdae got up, feeling like he wasn’t even allowed to lie there. Although Kyungsoo hadn’t uttered a word.  
  
  
He still wasn’t and although Jongdae felt chipper a moment ago, he was fucking furious. His hands balled into fists and before he knew it, he flung himself at Kyungsoo, lips crashing hard against the other’s. For a split second he could feel the journalist’s hands on his hips, grabbing them with force before they were gone – just like Kyungsoo’s body when the man pushed Jongdae away.  
  
  
He looked bewildered, Jongdae noted but seriously, this feeling was getting worse. “I hate you,” he barked and before Kyungsoo could say something, Jongdae passed by him running over to where the bathroom was located. So he quickly followed him, finding Jongdae bowing over the toilet. A sigh escaped his lips, hands rushing forward to push Jongdae’s bangs away.  
  
  
“You’re an idiot,” Kyungsoo said and Jongdae shot him glare, but he couldn’t do it for long before it came up once again. He hadn’t vomited in a while, almost forgotten how awful it was, how disgusting everything felt and how weak his limbs were. The older male remained in place, face above the cubicle before he felt Kyungsoo’s hands on his cheeks, turning his head to make Jongdae look at him, but the elder could barely keep his eyes open, feeling spend and wasted. So he only tiredly blinked at the journalist, who looked at him with a somewhat worried expression.  
  
  
“Seriously, you shouldn’t drink, Jongdae,” Kyungsoo seemed to scold him and although Jongdae felt angered, he couldn’t make a move and simply glared. Who was he to tell him anyway? “Vomiting after kissing me, that’s quite rude, you know,” he kept on speaking and although Jongdae was still feeling furious, he couldn’t stop the smile from creeping up his lips.  
  
  
Why was he being funny now? Why was he still smiling? There was nothing remotely sexy about honking into another man’s toilet bowl. He had lost every chance he ever had and deduced that perhaps, perhaps it might be for the best. The very best. Maybe he could start being the other’s friend, although he doubted it. Doubted his desire not to get into Kyungsoo’s pants or at least dream about it.  
  
  
“Let’s get you into bed,” Kyungsoo suddenly said, arms swooping Jongdae off the floor, gently carrying the older male into his bed. He put him down seconds later, straightening the sheets before placing Jongdae’s head on the pillow. Kyungsoo moved to cover the elder in a blanket, smiling in what the student considered to be satisfaction of some sort. “Have a good night’s rest, Jongdae.”  
  
  


 

 

◆

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Bright warm sunrays shined onto his face, feeling warm and kind, although a bit disturbing considering how tight Jongdae had slept just seconds ago. The man opened his eyes to the sun which barely managed to make its way through the curtains which were a soft dark red, but somehow a gap in between them existed for the sun to stir Jongdae awake.  
  
  
The man turned around in the comfortable bed, which was pretty amazing, absolutely fluffy and comforting. Jongdae couldn’t exactly wrap his head around it but he was more than just envious of Kyungsoo who slept in this bed every fucking night. This was absolutely marvellous, even just for one night. He didn’t remember much of the night, but the fact that he had been sound asleep for more than just 5 hours was magnificent. No dream, no nightmare, nothing.  
  
  
He hadn’t been sleeping this well in months.  
  
  
Although he felt kind of dizzy, head hurting in all the wrong places. He sighed in defeat, pushing the blanket away before getting up. Jongdae opened the door quietly, looking around to see Kyungsoo’s figure lying on the sofa. So he walked over to the bathroom silently, slipping in without any loud noise. He owed Kyungsoo. He was feeling apologetic because most of all he remembered throwing up in front of the other and how goddamn embarrassing it was.  
  
  
He could only shake his head, not exactly remembering why he had drunk in the first place although he supposed it was because of himself and his feelings for Kyungsoo. He was not being oblivious and he had known for a while, but he didn’t like being this dependent, feeling all kinds of emotions in a span of a day while never being able to stop.  
  
  
Minutes later Jongdae had undressed, climbing into the shower before letting the water rinse through his hair and clean him of all the frustration he had felt just a day ago. It felt incredibly good. Not to mention how fucking gigantic everything was. He couldn’t even take step in his own shower, much less a second one before bumping against glass. This was all kinds of luxurious, even if a millionaire considered this to be absolutely nothing.  
  
  
He stepped out of it soon after, taking a deep breath before quickly turning his head towards the door, spotting Kyungsoo standing there. Jongdae could only look at him for a second before drops of water robbed him of his sight, regretting it for a moment because he was standing there naked, just like god had created him – not that he exactly believed in deities and other supernatural beings.  
  
  
A hand came up, wiping the water away before looking over to Kyungsoo again, who was still looking at him. When Jongdae moved forward to say something, the other suddenly threw something at him. The material hit him in the face and no sooner had Kyungsoo left him alone all over again. The student looked at the clothes in his hands, clothes Kyungsoo had chosen for him and it didn’t matter if it was nothing important to the other.  
  
  
Jongdae put on the sleeveless shirt, way too big for himself. It was so long that it almost hid all of the boxers Kyungsoo had handed him. When he was completely dressed and dried off, Jongdae happily searched for the journalist, finding the other busy in the kitchen. Chen approached the man quietly, peering over the cook’s shoulder with a smile. Well, he definitely knew how to cook and handle a pan. At least it did look professional when he flipped the pancakes, only realising a moment later that Jongdae had joined him.  
  
  
“Feeling better?” he asked, a little bit of worry and concern laced within the low tone emitted by his throat.  
  
  
Jongdae merely nodded his head, because he indeed felt better although his head felt somewhat heavy.  
  
  
Kyungsoo’s hand came up to rest on his forehead, surprising Jongdae slightly, much more when his hand grabbed his chin, eyes intensely scanning the older male’s face. Not a second too soon, Jongdae could feel Kyungsoo’s hand brushing over his cheek and he tried to lock eyes with the man he had considered a threat weeks ago. To no avail, he noticed, because Kyungsoo’s eyes were focusing on something entirely different, before he could think further about it however, Kyungsoo stepped forward, pushing Jongdae onto a chair.  
  
  
He wanted to protest but Kyungsoo already served him the pancake he had prepared seconds ago. Jongdae was puzzled. A smile tugging at the edges of his cat lips as he simply stared at the food. “You don’t like it, I can make-“ Jongdae stopped Kyungsoo immediately, a hand coming up to silence the younger male.  
  
  
“It’s so nice… Thank you,” Jongdae muttered, still smiling and the warmth of Kyungsoo’s caring soul seeped through his body. It had been years since someone had offered him food that they prepared themselves. It was nice, so very nice. Jongdae immediately started to eat, casting further thoughts away, smiling brightly at Kyungsoo before turning his head away, feeling somewhat satisfied and extremely happy.  
  
  
It didn’t take him long to finish the pancake, mouth still full when he got up, looking at the kitchen utensils before turning back to Kyungsoo again, lips twitching in delight. “Can we like bake something…? If you’d like to!”  
  
  
Kyungsoo nodded without any sort of hesitance and Jongdae’s smile spread up to his ears, which in return made Kyungsoo smile gleefully before inquiring what the student would like to bake. That was something Jongdae had not even thought about, but when Kyungsoo offered a few types of different cakes and muffins, Jongdae chose the chocolate muffins. Something he was quite good at, definitely.  
  
  
It didn’t take him long to mess up though when all of flour made its way into his bowl. Few particles now stuck to his shirt – or better Kyungsoo’s. So he lifted it up, trying to dust it off only to feel the other’s eyes on him. It wasn’t much more than a second though when Jongdae let it fall down again, feeling slightly embarrassed about that act, something he did out of habit without a second thought.  
  
  
“They’re all craving a piece and you…” Jongdae’s eyes widened, because for once it was Kyungsoo invading his personal space and it didn’t make any sense. Yesterday he had pushed him away and now he was being this friendly. Jongdae had fucking filled up the other’s toilet and yet Kyungsoo certainly showed no sign of disgust or anger. It just… didn’t make sense.  
  
  
Suddenly there were two hands grabbing his shirt – although Jongdae had to remind himself that it was Kyungsoo’s and that he had every right to rip it off of him. He didn’t however, instead he simply lifted it up again, the heat rushing up to his cheeks. “You’re hiding these abs—“ Jongdae’s right hand reached for the bowl where he had accidentally managed to push in 500g of flour. “Are there matching pecs?” Before Kyungsoo could lift his shirt up further, Jongdae’s hand reached forward, gently slapping Kyungsoo across the face.  
  
  
“What are you doing?” he asked, entirely confused because if this wasn’t flirting, then he might as well try and be a koala, only eating bamboo while sticking to a tree like glue. Not the most exciting life, but at least this would make the embarrassment stop.  
  
  
Jongdae retracted his hand, looking at Kyungsoo’s white cheek before laughing. It looked so ridiculous, he could not simply stop himself. When the student had finally stopped laughing, he noticed Kyungsoo’s quiet demeanour and while he certainly was not an outspoken person, Jongdae knew that silence was not the exact best turn of events.  
  
  
It was though.  
  
  
Jongdae tilted his head before Kyungsoo leaned over without any type of warning, lips pressed against one another. It was sweet this time around, not all clash of tongue and teeth, but slow and gentle, Jongdae’s lips sliding along Kyungsoo’s plump ones which felt all kinds of good and soft, delicious.  
  
  
The journalist’s hands were on his hips again, holding them in place although Jongdae could barely resist the urge to simply roll them against Kyungsoo’s. He managed to hold himself back though, tongue darting out to run along the other’s lips, begging for entrance as Kyungsoo pressed Jongdae’s body flush against his own.  
  
  
Just when Jongdae thought they could take their time, Kyungsoo broke their kiss, body vanishing into thin air before he heard the door open and close. He blinked in surprise, wondering what kind of response this was. Was he… rejected? Partially accepted? Like was that even possible? He looked around nervously and without wasting another second he ran out, ready to grab Kyungsoo but the man was gone, scattered by the wind. “What did I do wrong now?” Jongdae asked out loud but this time around there was no answer, just nothing and it hurt, hurt so fucking bad.  
  
  
How could Kyungsoo just disappear like that? Hadn’t he just kissed him passionately? So okay, like he had vomited yesterday and maybe they were some kind of friends, so like Kyungsoo might have felt worried but… shit, friends didn’t kiss one another. If it were so, he would be draping himself all over Yixing by now.  
  
  
He didn’t and it was all so very confusing.  
  
  
Jongdae slipped inside again, continuing the baking session all by himself. He was definitely not professional, spilling things or covering half of the kitchen desk in sugar, but he managed to make decent chocolate muffins which didn’t look too bad. Neither did they taste bad – he had waited for 25 fucking minutes until they weren’t obnoxiously hot anymore, still Kyungsoo didn’t come back home.  
  
  
Jongdae shook his head, pulling on his old clothes before making his way over to a bus stop. At least his home wasn’t far from here. It was just that perhaps he left his heart at Kyungsoo’s for the other to pick up again.  
  
  


 

 

◆

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Weeks passed by where Jongdae hadn’t visited the club once. He texted Yifan once in a while, telling the older male about how fucking great he was and how fucking smooth his volunteer project went. It really did. They put him in charge of 6 kids which were at the age of 4 or 5, the oldest in the kindergarten. So he didn’t have to change diapers and all that baby stuff, like his best friend. Sometimes they met up in lunch break, sharing experiences while laughing their ass off. Myungsoo seriously was the only kind of guy who still managed to get his spirits up – besides the kids.  
  
  
The first boy he was in charge of was called Sunggyu, who had very small eyes but a lovely stable voice. He loved singing even at this age and it was kind of obnoxious, loud and clumsy much that boy. He loved to spill all of his drinks over Jongdae and when the 5th glass managed to wet his 5th pair of trousers wet, he scolded the boy. Sunggyu never again spilled a drink on him, neither did he ever pounce at him again like a bulldozer. For some weird reason instead, Sunggyu asked to hold hands and the like soon after that. Sometimes he was sticking to Jongdae like glue, wanting more and more attention.  
  
  
The 2nd and 3rd boys went by Woohyun and Hoya. They were less obnoxious and Jongdae didn’t need to care much about them, because they did everything themselves, mature much for their age. Sometimes they would even lecture him on how to tie shoe laces correctly or how brushing their teeth was more effective if they did it in a very special way – courtesy to their parents taking them to the dentist for special lessons. Needlessly to say, Jongdae never had his hands full when it came to those two.  
  
  
The 4th boy was a little younger, called Sungjong with a very pretty face. Myungsoo had once called him a girl, which made the boy furious. Since then Myungsoo had not come to visit him again, scared Sungjong might act up again, calling him ugly and all those kinds of mean insults. They were ridiculous though, because seriously, there was no one as handsome as his best friend Myungsoo… At least he did think like that before a certain Kyungsoo entered his life.  
  
  
Jongdae had to squeeze that man out of his brain or he was going to lose this fight.  
  
  
The 5th child was a girl named Nicole, a foreigner and yet her Korean was excellent. She was born in America and whenever Jongdae had a tad free time, he moved to hold Nicole, asking her to teach him proper English. She was delighted whenever Jongdae pronounced something correctly and giggled all day when he would try to speak to her in English. She was a ball of sunshine.  
  
  
The most important and sweetest kid was a girl named Soyoung – striking coincidence, he thought – who had a much more striking resemblance with the man who had kissed him weeks ago before vanishing like a ghost. He tried to push every thought of Kyungsoo away though. He didn’t need the pressure or the bubble of emotions that came with it.  
  
  
Soyoung always stuck to him like a koala, asking him to pick her up and carry her around. Jongdae did and he was scolded a day later by the nursery teacher for being a little bit too nice. _“She can walk on her own and she should.”_ That was not the point for Jongdae. He was assured that Soyoung could walk on her own, but when she looked up at him with those big doe eyes, he simply couldn’t say no.  
  
  
Much less when she showed him that gummy smile. She would always put her hand on his shoulders or cling to him, chuckling softly or giggling away. Somehow she liked him very much and Jongdae appreciated that. She was easy to convince as well – only cost him a few cents and a lollipop. Soyoung would always follow his orders if he promised her either a lollipop or chocolate. She was brushing her teeth properly, could tie her shoe laces on her own – in the way Jongdae had taught her – and most of all she could brighten up his day by walking alongside him on every trip outside.  
  
  
Sometimes when they were out to play in the garden, she showed him different type of flowers, naming them correctly before explaining their meaning to him. She seemed to take great pride in that and in a way it was adorable. It made her ten times more lovely than she already was, especially if she suddenly kissed him. For sure she was not shy.  
  
  
Soyoung was lively, reminding the man of how much he wanted her to be happy when he could not. He didn’t remember the faces of his parents, could barely remember the face of the man he had called master years ago, the one who taught him how to fight using knives and bare fists. He also discovered Jongdae’s incredible talent for sniping and schooled him into someone who could still shoot their target with a distance of 2000 meters. It was a matter of patience and precision, something the male was not even good at, when it came to other humans.  
  
  
There was no freedom though, even when he had acquired a certain level of respect from those around him. Jongdae could still remember the last mission he carried out as a member of 14k, where everything went wrong with a massive load of false information before he found himself lying in an abandoned truck for he didn’t know how long. He didn’t think anyone would find him, but Kris did and he could only remember how anxious he felt, how strange everything was and how he treated his new family like massive threats.  
  
  
Being cast away once again was not something he could get used to. Just like how his parents had.  
  
  
This time around he was not going to fuck everything up. Jongdae was assured that it was partly his fault for jumping out of their hiding place when it was not his time yet. Since then he stopped being a field agent and asked Kris to put him in a spot where could not mess everything up. More often than not, Kris opted to not send him out at all which made Jongdae a tiny bit angry. He was not incapable. He just was short tempered. Perhaps why he did things on his own when no one asked him to.  
  
  
“Can you hold this?” Soyoung’s voice ripped him out of his thoughts and he acted before thinking about it, hands reaching out to hold onto the ring she always wore when Soyoung washed her hands. She normally put it aside, but this time around Soyoung actually seemed to have deemed Jongdae trust worthy enough.  
  
  
The male only smiled at the gesture holding onto it with his dear life before sliding the ring back onto her finger. “It’s pretty,” he told her, smiling widely when she traced the material with her finger, nodding eagerly.  
  
  
“Belonged to my mom,” she explained, looking up into his eyes with a grin. “She was a lot like you! She always gave me what I wanted.” There was a glint of mischievousness in her voice and perhaps, perhaps Jongdae really was too nice. He only recently made a mental note to himself not to act on her orders, when she wanted to ride on his back. Something she really was too old for. _“One can never be too old for that!”_  
  
  
“Ah… Am I like that?” Jongdae closed his eyes for a moment, recalling that the nursery teacher told him something about Soyoung. Something along the lines of ‘never talk about her mom! And when I say never, I mean never’. He opened his eyes again, gulping because apparently he was doing just that, but Soyoung didn’t seem upset or disappointed or anything of that sort.  
  
  
She seemed very calm. “Yes,” her eyes cast downwards, her long dark hair falling down, over her face before she smiled up at him again, “Daddy’s always strict. I know he means no ill, he often tells me, but… my mom has always been a ‘free spirit’ – at least Daddy said so more often than not. You’re like that, too, oppa!” Jongdae rubbed the back of his head with one hand before nodding. He valued his freedom nowadays. It was… everything he had wanted back then.  
  
  
Jongdae had never felt slightly comfortable whenever he saw the bars in front of him and the cage that kept him from harm. Acquiring a certain level of respect within the underground was great – assuring in a way – but it wasn’t safe. While the weaker ones seemed to acknowledge his existence, the superiors beat him down, grinning and laughing whenever Chen writhed on the ground, holding his dear limbs close to his body.  
  
  
“You never scold me. You never tell me to do something differently. You listen to me all the time. You even wiped away my tears when Sunggyu pushed me into the puddle on the street… You slept besides me, too, when I was feeling scared the other day.” Jongdae pulled the girl into her arms as she seemed to be having a nightmare during her nap. He had never thought much about it.  
  
  
“I miss mom, but dad told me she will never come back again. He told me it’s not my fault though and that mom still watches over me in her heart… but I miss her. She was just gone, didn’t even… say goodbye.” Oh shit, this wasn’t good. He watched the tears drop down on the ground before pulling Soyoung into a tight embrace, wiping her tears away with his shirt. “I’ll be strong though, because you know, mom always told me to be strong even while feeling sad. She always told me that it’s not wrong to fall down, but one must always get up again.”  
  
  
Not much later she beamed brightly at him again and Jongdae was assured that this girl’s mom was not alive.  
  
  
“Jongdae, can you stay a bit longer today? Soyoung’s dad and Sunggyu’s mom will come pick them up later. There was something at work keeping them from leaving but… I don’t know really.” The male nodded and the nursery teacher left again.  
  
  
So he watched over Sunggyu and Soyoung, both nagging at each other because of reasons that were way too petty for his liking. Jongdae was on the girl’s side though and after a while Sunggyu started boxing him, until his mom came along to pick him up.  
  
  
Soyoung then made herself comfortable on Jongdae’s lap, arms wrapped around his neck as they both waited for her dad to come and pick her up, but he didn’t. “Maybe he won’t come, maybe he will-“  
  
  
“He’ll come, honey,” Jongdae said, hands rubbing along her sides before he started tickling her and she writhed beneath his touch, slowly getting up from his lap to lie on the ground where Jongdae could attack her even better. Soyoung laughed out loud, hands and legs coming up to push Jongdae away, but he dodged them all easily.  
  
  
“Stop it, stop it! Ah don’t!” she screamed, still laughing away until he swooped her off the ground, carrying the girl around who only grinned at him. “I hate you,” she joked and for some reason it sounded damn serious, much like someone else he had come to know quite well.  
  
  
“You know you love me,” Jongdae said, eyes glancing over to the clock that red 19:22. He had never stayed longer than 4pm. This was a first. Soyoung suddenly kissed him and all Jongdae could do was grin.  
  
  
“Swaying my princess, hmm?”  
  
  
He didn’t need to look up to know who was standing in the door frame and who had come to pick up his daughter. Voice way too familiar. The pressure was hard on him, lips trembling as Soyoung escaped beneath him, probably running off to her father. It made sense now, sense he tried to deny, but Soyoung had told him much in these 2 weeks, information about her father which was all too familiar.  
  
  
About him working late and researching things, making up stories for which he was praised. How he would sit in his room until late night to finish an article – she knew and Jongdae didn’t like her waking up at night to watch over her father. She told him about his colleagues. A giant red head who had big ears and a very contagious laugh with weird gestures (“tends to exaggerate a lot!”) and then there was a very obnoxious loud man, who always stuck his nose into business that wasn’t his (“I swear, he tried to steal my Pikachu plush figure!”), two young males who loved each other dearly (“they’re so sweet together, I tell you!”) plus a mature but very handsome man, who was deeply in love with the bulbasaur plushy she had (“he kissed it, gross.”)  
  
  
It all made sense and he tried to push it off his mind because the pain was real.  
  
  
“If I were a princess then you would be my servant, but you’re never on time.”  
  
  
Jongdae made his way over to the both of them but he never looked up at all, not wanting to meet Kyungsoo’s eyes, the ones that could make everything feel fine when it wasn’t. He had run away, fucking run away. Left him alone, gave him hope before bursting the bubble of happiness within seconds. Sick.  
  
  
“I am sorry, Soyoung, but-“  
  
  
“You were working. You always work,” she said and clung to Jongdae’s legs, arms asking once again to be picked up. He followed her wish, lifting Soyoung up into his arms before finally meeting Kyungsoo’s gaze, who was staring at him and maybe even had for the last few minutes.  
  
  
“I am sorry, but-“  
  
  
“I only have Jongdae-oppa. He’s always nice and he never disappoints me!” Well, it was effective. Kyungsoo looked sad, scratching the back of his neck with his fingers. He never looked this lost to Jongdae and he often had a somewhat puzzled expression on his face.  
  
  
“Make it up to her,” Jongdae said and Kyungsoo met his gaze once more, nodding bitterly.  
  
  
“Ideas?”  
  
  
“The zoo. You wanted to go there, right?” Jongdae asked and Soyoung nodded, smiling brightly because that was exactly what she wanted.  
  
  
“He always remembers! Although I said that-“  
  
  
“Last Thursday after lunch, before you were picked up to go to preschool.” Soyoung blinked, confused about how detailed he seemed to remember things. That was very impressive.  
  
  
Kyungsoo smiled softly, hand coming up to pat his girl’s hair before leaning towards Jongdae. “Well, aren’t you perfect?” The older male blinked in surprise, backing away because Kyungsoo was invading his personal space again and we all knew by now how that could end again. Jongdae was absolutely afraid of that, hands trembling as he slowly handed Kyungsoo his child.  
  
  
“We can visit the zoo this weekend.”  
  
  
“One condition,” she said, making business like usual, “Jongdae-oppa has to come along.”  
  
  
Kyungsoo looked up at the other helplessly. It was amusing and all kinds of adorable. Just like how Jongdae pictured a single father to be, but there were more questions in mind. How did it come to his?  
  
  
“I’ll be there.”  
  
  


 

 

◆

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Weekend came along a lot faster than Jongdae had expected, when he was in front of the zoo, wearing his outworn black sneakers, tight, ripped jeans and a black hoody where “you make me harder than the water temple” was written on in big bold blue letters – thanks to his late night zelda sessions with Myungsoo the last weeks. He could not not buy it when the two of them spend legit two hours in the fucking water temple because both rejected the idea of looking it up in a guide. Turned out they had missed one passage right near the beginning. Jongdae called himself fucking lucky before Myungsoo pushed him onto his bed, telling him that he was fucking better.  
  
  
Jongdae didn’t get the pun at first but only pushed the younger male off of him. Few months ago he would have let Myungsoo have his way with him, but right now he couldn’t get it on with anyone. Anyone was a fucking loser in comparison to Kyungsoo. Maddening. Glad Myungsoo figured the cause out without mopping around. _“Who’s the fucking lucky one?”_  
  
  
Jongdae explained part of his situation to him, about meeting Kyungsoo at the club he was working at. He didn’t miss out on the last kiss where Myungsoo looked at him with big eyes, questioning the other guy’s sanity for not getting into Jongdae’s pants when it was the absolute best opportunity. The male felt better after telling his best friend, feeling like there was still hope for him, especially when Myungsoo told him that he’d be waiting for the result, that he’d still be there for Jongdae if it didn’t work out.  
  
  
Jongdae didn’t know what to hope for anymore and told Myungsoo that it was pointless, but the other was deadly serious on waiting, waiting for Jongdae to smile brightly again. _“I hope he starts to value your feelings very quickly.”_  
  
  
The male stared down at his feet when two arms enclosed his legs from behind. Jongdae turned around to look at Soyoung, a bright smile lighting up her pretty features. The male tried to smile back just as strongly, but it went wrong when he laid eyes on Kyungsoo who for once was clad in a dark black cap which matched his dark trousers and pullover. It was so very casual Jongdae forgot how to breathe for a second. The urge for air kicked in very soon though and he started laughing, kneeling down to hug Soyoung.  
  
  
“Huh.” He played with the price tag which was sewed to the front of her pullover. There was something terribly wrong about this. He also noticed that her skirt wasn’t nearly as far pulled up as it should have been. “Did you dress yourself on your own?”  
  
  
“I did… She didn’t know what she wanted, so I tried-“ Before Kyungsoo could even finish talking, Jongdae started laughing, shielding her from views as he took off her pullover, putting it on the right way before pulling up her skirt, smoothing it down with the use of his hands.  
  
  
“Dad’s terrible at it,” Soyoung told him, smiling a little when Jongdae picked her up, hands on her bum while the other motioned for Kyungsoo to come closer. The father did, big eyes looking at Chen quite sheepishly.  
  
  
“It’s good that she has me,” Jongdae said, surprised when Kyungsoo nodded right away.  
  
  
“She loves you, easily.” The older male chuckled softly, rubbing his forehead against hers before finally starting to walk into the zoo, making sure she visits every animal that was living within this zone of Korea. Jongdae didn’t know what to respond although there was a line burning on his tongue. At least one of you does.  
  
  
They firstly visited the bigger and taller animals, like giraffes and elephants. Soyoung was absolutely astonished, cooing at the sight before reaching forward, wanting to pat the giraffe, but Jongdae made an effort to pull her away when the head of the giraffe came a tad too close for his liking. The zookeeper laughed at them, saying that Soyoung had one overprotective dad. Oh well, at least his effort was being recognized, not even noticing the fond smile Kyungsoo was spotting behind him.  
  
  
They worked their way through lions, tigers and cougars before Jongdae reached the lynx’ compound. “They have weird ears.”  
  
  
Jongdae read the sign for a moment before putting her down, squatting down behind her while Kyungsoo remained standing behind them, one hand on Soyung’s back. “It’s a Turkestan lynx. It lives in China and Mongolia. As you can see it looks much like a cat.” Soyoung nodded right away, pressing her nose against the glass which made Jongdae and Kyungsoo chuckle.  
  
  
“They’re very good hunters, can hear and see ten times better than we do. They can sense a mouse from 250 feet away, amazing,” Jongdae kept on telling, garnering Kyungsoo’s attention as well, “they don’t chase their prey though, but use the element of surprise and ambush them. They’re pretty amazing.” Soyoung beamed brightly at him, walking back to her father to be picked up and put into the handcart they borrowed near the elephants.  
  
  
“You like them, right?” Oh, he didn’t. Working like that had become a strategy, it was better to say he felt inspired.  
  
  
“Hmm, they’re great.”  
  
  
They moved onto the smaller animals in the zoo; mouses, rats, guinea pigs, rabbits… and much much more. Soyoung was flailing over them like crazy, wanting to pet them for hours while Jongdae and Kyungsoo sat beside her. Jongdae tried to ignore the looks Kyungsoo gave him from time to time not wanting to feel the heat in his cheeks. Not wanting to falter beneath his eyes again.  
  
  
After what felt like an eternity they finally got a move on, finally making their way over to the water animals; dolphins, seals, sea lions and penguins. They could easily be Jongdae’s favourite animals by far and thus he felt slightly happy, pulling Soyoung’s cart behind him. They first visited the dolphin’s show, where Soyoung was allowed to be pulled around by dolphins on a boat while Jongdae ended up wet like he had been hit by a waterfall when the dolphin shot its ball over the crowd. Good thing he sat in the first row.  
  
  
Soon later – after discovering the cute sea lions and penguins – they reached the seals, which were tiny and cute. Soyoung really liked them, smiling brightly when Kyungsoo pulled her up into his arms. The zoo keeper explained a lot about their food to them, how they liked herrings the best and how old one of them already was. The seal was called grandma, befitting her age of 50 years. The animal was already blind and Soyoung unconsciously shed a tear which Jongdae wiped away.  
  
  
“She will die,” Soyoung said and Kyungsoo nodded.  
  
  
“She will watch over her children as well, from up there,” he explained, pointing up at the sky and Jongdae smiled sadly, wondering if it was alright to explain the concept of death to a kid that was barely 5 years old. Then again, he wouldn’t know how to handle things if he were to be in Kyungsoo’s position. Soyoung was mature for her age, that much was clear, but death was complicated.  
  
  
“Look, she loves her children.” Grandma was keeping two smaller seals besides her, almost as if they were snuggling and he had to smile, thinking that maybe it was alright to explain bits of it to her while keeping the complexity of it away from her. Jongdae himself wouldn’t even know, since no one knew anything really about death, just that it was out to get them all.  
  
  
Not much later they had left the zoo, spend and exhausted.  
  
  
“Thanks Jongdae, that was very kind of you but it is time to say goodbye.” Soyoung smiled sadly but bid Jongdae farewell nevertheless, hoping to see him very soon in the kindergarten again. Kyungsoo on the other hand leaned in close, hand patting Jongdae’s waist repeatedly. “Sorry, Jongdae.”  
  
  
The older male wanted to ask why but there was no chance with Kyungsoo already gone. The fuck. What was he sorry for? Hopefully not kissing him, that would be the most awful sorry he had ever come across.  
  
  


 

 

◆

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
“I’ve looked through our archive, there are few articles about mafia activities,” Joonmyeon started their meeting, Kai and Sehun taking notes because they were still interns, almost ready to start writing their own articles, although Joonmyeon was still a little doubtful about how the two of them would handle things. They were so gay that Joonmyeon wanted to hit himself with the very magazine he created.  
  
  
“I’ve looked up a few things on the internet, but most of them were about the Chinese triads which seemed to be in contact with the Korean mafia, our underground, I guess,” Baekhyun spoke up, pushing out handouts he had created himself. He was not exactly into researching but few information sparked his curiosity, something he would have liked to be taken care of. If there was something he liked, then it was useful information.  
  
  
“14k and Sun Yee On? They’re based in Hong Kong, aren’t they? Heard they do much bad stuff; drug trafficking, loan sharking, illegal gamble, human trafficking, extortion-“  
  
  
“Prostitution and much more, yes yes, Chanyeol, but you see drug trafficking is the primary goal of the two of them, though I haven’t found much on Sun Yee On. It’s the bigger triad though.”  
  
  
“Triad?” Jongin inquired, looking curiously at Baekhyun.  
  
  
“Groups of organized crime which links us back to mafia groups. China has always been a bit different from the rest,” Baekhyun explained, sitting down again to scroll through his handout. “There’s a report on a massive mafia case in 2007, but I couldn’t find any details, not even on tv archives and heck, I tried to get through all of Chinese news websites… not that I’ve probably gotten through all of them, but they do try to keep things private.”  
  
  
“Of course they do, people get shot and killed officially for trying to find things out and spread information,” Joonmyeon chimed in, sighing, because that was not how modern journalism was supposed to be working.  
  
  
“Guess so, but here’s a bit about it. It was an attack on a rival gang, probably Sun Yee On. Perhaps more a branch of Sun Yee On which was establishing new roots within Hong Kong. Anyways, 14k send out few of their agents to kill a leader of their rival group, but they never managed to get far or much less invade Sun Yee On’s territory, because there was suddenly an attack in front of The Langham, a hotel in Tsim Sha Tsui, a district of Hong Kong. They found out that the Wo Shing Wo gang – another rival of 14k – attacked them, few dead bodies, one of them was apparently Lee Tai Lung, a leader of 14k,” Baekhyun recited the facts he had found out, proudly, although Jongin was more than just scared off by everything.  
  
  
“The big mission ended in a failure, scattered trucks and loads of agents that were led into capture of their rival group. Perhaps they had worked together with Wo Shing Wo-“  
  
  
“You mean that Sun Yee On and Wo Shing Wo were allies?” Joonmyeon asked and Baekhyun nodded.  
  
  
“Nothing confirmed though. Lots of agents ended up in SYO’s hands, while some… ended up on the street. Don’t ask me more, I didn’t find anything on that. It’s been a hassle to find out this much, believe me guys, I literally had to watch news in Chinese and I don’t know one Chinese word, so I had to call up a friend, who studied-“  
  
  
“Let’s get back to topic,” Kyungsoo cut Baekhyun off and motioned for Joonmyeon to actually present his part of his researches, because he knew that the other had been looking through their old volumes and also those that they could afford to buy or those that were given to them on request.  
  
  
“Oh, thank you, Kyungsoo. Whatever, we have only a few articles of mafia activity in Korea. How they collect taxes and distributions from companies which are located within their territories. That was all though, except for Baekhyun’s lovely reviews on dramas and movies which have been romanticising mafia activity.”  
  
  
Baekhyun smiled proudly, but tilted his head when he caught Kyungsoo’s gaze. Not much later he stuck his tongue out at the younger male, who only shook his head.  
  
  
“Other than that we’ve got a few responses of people who claimed to have been part of 14k, who wrote us anonymously after Baekhyun’s publicised review on A Bittersweet Life from 2005-“  
  
  
“Oh that was a throwback review on movies which are ten years or older-“  
  
  
“Baekhyun, shut the fuck up,” Kyungsoo screamed, barely able to hold himself back because no one was interested in these comments. Much less Kyungsoo, who had to deal with other problems. Hands gripping the small sheet of paper a little tighter.  
  
  
“They all talked about how they were trained in 14k. Some talked about the physical aspects, how to fight with bare hands or how to use knives accurately – one of them delivered a very detailed explanation which makes me think that perhaps, perhaps they’re real. Most of them claimed to be escapists, who saw their chance of fleeing the country when 14k lost that battle in 2007. The timeline wasn’t explained further though, so I’ve got no concrete information,” Joonmyeon kept on explaining, pushing his sheet of paper over to Chanyeol.  
  
  
“I read through them all and compiled the necessary information we acquired. Some claim to have been sold to the Triad group. There haven’t been reports on child abductions which were out of the ordinary within 1997 to perhaps 2000 here in Korea. So maybe, this is correct as well. They also talk about practising combat like Joonmyeon told you. Others on the other hand talked about how they were used for prostitution, to make money, while others claimed to have been used by the higher ups. They also claim to have escaped when that chaotic mission of 14k happened in 2007. Many told us about their friends which are still active within 14k or Sun Yee On, while many managed to come back home, live ordinary lives although many of them are plagued by nightmares or behaviour that no one like us can wrap their heads around, because we… have never lived a life in a cage,” Chanyeol finished the report, smiling slightly, because some of them also spoke about freedom like it was the most valuable treasure.  
  
  
“This sounds sad,” Sehun suddenly said and Jongin nodded.  
  
  
“But few of them are free now.”  
  
  
“They will never be quite free of who they were taught to be,” Kyungsoo spoke up again and Chanyeol raised an eyebrow, questioning the other’s worried expression.  
  
  
“Something the matter? Are your investigations not going well?”  
  
  
“O-Oh, no. It’s not like they spit out information just because I ask them to,” Kyungsoo answered, pushing the yellow little sticky note he had been gripping tightly for an hour now into the pocket of his jeans.  
  
  
“Let’s be honest, Kyungsoo. Jongdae is not his old high school friend. He’s part of that club, perhaps part of the mafia which killed Jisung,” Joonmyeon suddenly revealed and Kyungsoo sighed out loudly, because that really wasn’t necessary. He would have broken it down to them in due time.  
  
  
“He’s a stripper???” was the only thing Baekhyun wanted to know and although all of them sighed, he didn’t seem fazed.  
  
  
“No, he’s only helping out at times. He never stripped. Sometimes Chen’s jumping in to be a waiter.”  
  
  
Chanyeol’s eyes widened, slowly taking in Kyungsoo’s words. “Oh, oh, he’s that guy we read about, Baekhyun.”  
  
  
The other nodded, knowing exactly what Chanyeol was talking about because his memory was great when it came to unnecessary things, which he deemed to be quite important.  
  
  
“How’s he?” Baekhyun asked and Kyungsoo merely stared at his colleague, wondering what the other was asking. He knew Jongdae, so how should he be? That didn’t make much sense. Judging Kyungsoo’s deadpanned face, Baekhyun turned his head towards Jongin, laughing quietly. “He’s much more clueless than you two, incredible.”  
  
  
It clicked and Kyungsoo got up. “We never… if you mean-“  
  
  
“Why not? He’s fucking gorgeous. You think so, too, don’t even try to deny it. Besides, I’ve got something for you.” Baekhyun tossed a flyer over to Kyungsoo, who picked it up carefully, scanning through the pages quickly.  
  
  
“An auction at Lotto?” Kyungsoo asked and Baekhyun nodded.  
  
  
“All strippers take part. You can spend one long day with any of them, if you’re the highest bidder. Sex has to be consensual though, you gotta sign a few petty papers apparently… Anyway, look who’s taking part.”  
  
  
Kyungsoo’s eyes looked through the list of participants. He recognized a few like Xiumin or Lay but was more than just taken aback when he spotted Jongdae’s alias. “What…”  
  
  
Joonmyeon got up, peering over his co-worker’s shoulder. “So he’s… like the others, a prostitute?”  
  
  
“He’s not,” Kyungsoo said, getting up to smack his superior across the face using the flyer Baekhyun had handed him, “this is not about selling their body. The money is going to be donated to a good cause. Just… check it out. Stop calling them bad.” Joonmyeon felt a firm hand pressed up against his chest and grabbed the flyer, scanning through it as Kyungsoo slowly left their conference room. He had one week left. It was crazy.  
  
  
“Don’t simply trust them because they’re nice! They’re murderers! Just like Jisung who killed Soyoung’s mother!”  
  
  
Kyungsoo turned back, glaring at Joonmyeon before walking out of the door without another word.  
  
  
Once he had reached his desk, he pulled out the paper again, scrutinising the black letters which were written on it with what he presumed to be a permanent marker.  
  
  
_Do not trust Chen. He’s the sniper you’re searching for. He’s a murderer, Do Kyungsoo._  
  
  


 

 

◆

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
“So why did you cut your hair? You can’t tell me that a new part of your life has just begun because what kind of phase of life would it be if you haven’t even finished university?”  
  
  
Chen simply looked at Kris who tilted his head, shoulders shrugging in defeat. He didn’t like it. It was way too short. It was an undercut, way too short, made him look a few years younger than he actually was and Chen had always looked younger than his actual age. Maybe that was why so many were into him. He was like the free spirit they never could have been, although Kris bought none of that. Jongdae had never been exactly free. Then again, no one was. A certain level of security always contained the loss of freedom. Not completely, but bits of it.  
  
  
“I just thought of starting anew?”  
  
  
“After you’ve mailed me that you gave up on your mission? You never give up. You also do know what that email is missing, right?”  
  
  
Jongdae tilted his head, wondering if this kind of interrogation was really necessary. Shortly after meeting Kyungsoo in the zoo, Jongdae decided to write Kris, telling him about his wish to quit this chaos altogether. He firstly had feelings for Kyungsoo which he didn’t like to elaborate on. He didn’t even like thinking about them, wished to make them disappear. Secondly, it was not safe as long as he was on the case. He couldn’t protect his family while maintaining a relationship with Kyungsoo which would endanger the people working at the club.  
  
  
“Safety reasons for all of you.”  
  
  
“He’s writing about us?” Kris asked, his eyes wide open as he got up to stand in front of Jongdae, eyeing the other’s questionable choice of clothes. “This mesh shirt is not all you’re going to wear tonight, right?”  
  
  
Only shortly confused, Jongdae got up, not even nearly matching the other’s height before shaking his head. The man pulled on a black jacket and Kris read the text at the back only shortly before snorting. “Your name is your credit card? You don’t even have enough money to buy yourself a proper fridge and Yuri said she’d take over half the price.”  
  
  
Chen only rolled his eyes, pushing the man away before huffing. “No, he ain’t writing about us, but… He’s just not into me. He likes… likes men… who are manly.”  
  
  
Kris raised an eyebrow before pointing over to the stage where Lay was dancing. “You want me to send Lay?”  
  
  
“Anyone who isn’t me to be exact,” Jongdae answered, smiling brightly but Kris only shook his head, unconvinced.  
  
  
“You’ve been training every second day at a gym and you want to tell me you’re not manly?”  
  
  
“Look at me, Kris, I am not the epitome of manliness.” Jongdae gestured downwards, sighing as if he really regretted not being bulkier and all of that stuff. Not that he cared, while he couldn’t say the truth. The truth of him being madly in love with his former target. “It’s just that he’s not into me. I am… too feminine.” With that Chen left and Kris stomped his feet, throwing his arms up in a tantrum.  
  
  
“That’s not going to help.”  
  
  
“Tao… He’s lying to me, obviously. I don’t understand why.”  
  
  
“Most parents don’t understand their kids,” Tao spoke up, pushing Kris back into his leather chair, “So just don’t. Besides I’ve seen a very familiar face in the crowd today.”  
  
  
Kris cocked an eyebrow but then he suddenly started laughing. “Kyungsoo?”  
  
  
Tao nodded in an affirmative.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
“Kris didn’t like you taking part,” Xiumin said once Jongdae had settled down behind the stage, only to shrug his shoulders, putting his feet on top of the small desk in front of him.  
  
  
“Nobody did. We didn’t-“  
  
  
“Get off your high horse, I am not gonna steal your men away,” Jongdae intervened before Luhan could even finish talking and both glared at each other for a minute. Xiumin only shrugged his shoulders, way too old for this immature shit while Lay looked at the two of them, certainly confused.  
  
  
“It’s good when more take part because all of that money is going to be donated to the kindergarten a few blocks from here. They take care of-“  
  
  
“Disabled kids, we all know that!” Luhan cut the younger male off and Jongdae got up.  
  
  
“Just what is your problem?”  
  
  
Luhan shot him a look, grinning a little. “Why do you even take part? To feel wanted when Kyungsoo obviously doesn’t want you?” Jongdae raised his eyebrows, wondering how Luhan knew, but then again, maybe he didn’t, because nobody did. Not even he himself knew Kyungsoo that well.  
  
  
“I’ve never told anyone about it, so how would you know?!”  
  
  
“Oh, Kris told me you want to quit. Why is that? Because it ain’t working out?” Luhan pressed two fingers to his lips, chuckling in a mocking tone while Jongdae only shook his head. He told Kris not to tell anyone and he couldn’t believe Kris broke his promise. This was not going as smooth as he had thought in the beginning.  
  
  
“Maybe he’s going to buy me tonight,” Luhan kept on blabbering and although Jongdae swore to himself seconds ago not to listen, he couldn’t exactly pretend not to hear that man’s name.  
  
  
“What?”  
  
  
“He’s here,” Lay said, arm reaching forward to pull Jongdae away, not being able to stand anymore of that senseless argument. They were both behaving very weirdly, although Lay didn’t know any of their reasons.  
  
  
When the two of them had finally left, moving to stand behind the curtain of the stage, Lay hugged Jongdae tightly, surprising the younger male but he returned the hug nonetheless. He really could use a bit of comfort, comfort that felt differently from Myungsoo’s. Comfort that felt like family.  
  
  
He never dared to use that word in the beginning, but he slowly came to appreciate the word and what it meant. Unity, staying together through the worst times, managing to get everything done together. It was so nice to know that loneliness was just a feeling and not a phase of life that never ended.  
  
  
“Quitting? Why?” Lay asked and for the first time Jongdae felt like telling the truth.  
  
  
“I like him. I know it’s not safe because I know nothing about his work and nothing I did worked out. We could be in great danger and I can only partially care because my head is full of Kyungsoo! We kissed and I really have to say that it was magical.” Jongdae smiled at the memory, although it did send a pang through his heart but the smile faded away when he saw Lay’s blank expression.  
  
  
Perhaps he shouldn’t have said that.  
  
  
“All my money on you.”  
  
  
Chen blinked, mildly confused before muttering a what?  
  
  
“He’s going to bet on you. Let’s see how far he goes?”  
  
  
The younger male watched the stripper enter the stage, since he was the first one to go out and well, fall under the hammer.  
  
  
Minseok went as the second person and Chen could still hear the screams of the crowd, not even wondering for how much money Lay was sold. He was better off not hearing it and thus he blocked his ears using his fingers. Only a few seconds later, someone’s hands enclosed around his wrists, pulling them away from his head.  
  
  
“Don’t worry us. This family is all I have. How important it is, you can’t even imagine.” Jongdae stared up into Luhan’s eyes, remaining mostly quiet although he was burning on the inside, like someone had ignited his fire. If Luhan thought he knew Jongdae well, then he was totally wrong.  
  
  
“Kris, Yixing, Minseok, Zitao and you are all important to me. You don’t even understand that. I’ve been trying hard to change because… I committed horrible mistakes but I didn’t even know. Life was just so different after I’ve been abandoned… although this time around I knew what happened and that everything was gradually getting better, Kris had promised and for once… for once it felt right to actually feel something akin to hope. I’ve read about it in books, you know – although I taught reading to myself, it still felt foreign to actually feel what others described. That not everything was for naught, although they always looked at me differently. Still do – when I don’t get jokes or get extremely riled up over something tiny like putting on girl’s clothes… Luhan, this is important to me! I fuck up, does that never happen to you?”  
  
  
Luhan didn’t meet Jongdae’s eyes for a moment but when they locked eyes again, Jongdae could see something like sympathy within the other’s eyes. “I am… I am sorry. Quitting now is wrong though.”  
  
  
“What?” Jongdae’s eyes widened, hands balling into fists but Luhan only covered his hands, smiling slightly.  
  
  
“At the end of this night you’ll see.” Jongdae watched Luhan leave him before turning his head away from the curtain. Nothing they said made much sense to him. Kyungsoo was here, he had understood but for what purpose? To push even more information out of them? Hilarious, nobody would even admit stealing Easter eggs from the neighbour’s garden. Jongdae had to admit that the idea was appealing though.  
  
  
“Well, our star of the evening.” Jongdae’s head turned to his right, watching Tao standing in the door frame before wondering about how long the other had been there, how long the male had watched over him without even muttering a word. Couldn’t have been long though, Tao was not one to keep quiet for a long time.  
  
  
“Your turn. The other three were auctioned for money we didn’t even dream off. You better top them.” Jongdae only stared at Tao, who disappeared with a Cheshire grin on his lips. The male really didn’t have much hope but went out nevertheless, putting a brave smile before leaning against the pole. He hadn’t anything prepared, neither was he going to put on a fancy show. There was only one thing he was good at – as he had recently discovered. Jongdae’s hand reached forward, grabbing the microphone Kris offered him before the latter exited the stage again, hiding in the crowd.  
  
  
“I have nothing to offer against the three men you’ve just seen, so… don’t pay too much, okay?” he asked cutely and he could see Tao rolling his eyes in his head, although the male was probably somewhere behind the bar.  
  
  
Some of the people laughed, some remained quiet and honestly, why was it so embarrassing to stand on the stage alone? As if a silent scream of help had been uttered, Lay rushed to his help, promptly pulling off the black jacket before throwing them far into the audience. “Are you mad?” Jongdae asked loudly, covering himself with his hands.  
  
  
“Lots to offer actually, that most of us haven’t even seen.” When Lay tried to lift up Jongdae’s shirt, the younger male kicked him in the stomach but to his utter surprise Lay didn’t even jump away and instead fell down flat on his butt, which managed to get them a few laughs.  
  
  
“Oh sorry,” Chen apologized, but Lay only laughed before patting his back in reassurance and leaving soon after, which only confused the younger male even more.  
  
  
When the first bet came in however, Chen smiled, wondering if that was much or not. Then again 70$ did sound much to him. He wasn’t sure if he would spend that much money – ah, strike that out, Chen had no money to spend. Every penny was sacrificed for food and other living expenses. Part of it was paying his study fees… Everything was spent in really anti-luxurious ways.  
  
  
The male sat down in front of the pole when the bidding began and really, why would people spend more than 200$ on him? That was beyond him. He had nothing to offer really. He wasn’t as sexy as Lay or Minseok and not even as cute as Luhan. He was kind of funny, if he could say so himself but that was not going to bring home money. Much more, that wasn’t even half as appealing as the others.  
  
  
When the bids went up to 400$, Chen had his head in his hands, wondering when he had this much money left actually. Probably shortly before he bought his new laptop, which was on sale with a 40% discount. Along with Myungsoo’s coupon, he could buy it for 380$, but he felt so bad, because he was not a laptop and he wouldn’t even be able to do anything for them really.  
  
  
Chen hoped that it would stop when they reached 600$ but somehow it didn’t. Perhaps he didn’t need a fancy show. They all knew him, which wasn’t much of a surprise, since he had been working here every second night for 3 years and he still frequently came in to serve the customers. He managed to reach a title and people made weird definitions of his name; Chen.  
  
  
He was fairly popular, yes. Still sex was not an obligation. There was absolutely nothing in it for them. How could he pay that money back in one day? No way, but he was happy for the kids. They could use that money much better… better than the government.  
  
  
“789$!” The numbers in front of his eyes had disappeared by now and he wanted to get up, walk over to his new master and tell him thanks, but god was seemingly against that.  
  
  
“800$.” Chen was about to pass out on stage, the amount of money making him see stars, but the familiar voice shook him awake with force. This couldn’t be. He wanted to hide behind the curtain but when Tao’s hand grabbed his shoulders, he knew there was no escape. He wasn’t dreaming either.  
  
  
Seconds later, he found himself standing in front of Kyungsoo, eyes searching for something on the ground that didn’t exist. “I am not worth that much money, funny Kyungsoo,” he spat out before puffing his cheeks out, not knowing whether to be happy or frustrated. What was this game they were playing?  
  
  
“You know, you can just call me up and we can meet… I mean, if you want to, but clearly you do want to… You’re confusing me and it’s frustrating me. Obviously,” Jongdae kept on blabbering, hands running through his hair as they were standing outside. Kyungsoo had to go back home early, feeling bad for leaving Soyoung alone for a few hours, although the girl was asleep and he had left her a note. Jongdae could understand that. Why they were here talking, he couldn’t.  
  
  
“Chen.” Jongdae lifted his head, looking into Kyungsoo’s eyes for the first time this night. He felt trapped.  
  
  
“Let me get to know you, too.”  
  
  
  
  


 

 

◆

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Jongdae didn’t ask himself about what Kyungsoo meant, when he had called him Captivating, Haughty, Enticing, Nervous? That morning, their day together. In fact, Jongdae stopped asking himself entirely. Things didn’t make much sense, so he just let it all flow. Whatever was going to happen would happen and he wouldn’t be able to help it.  
  
  
Kyungsoo wanted to get to know Chen, too, but that seriously was not necessary in Jongdae’s eyes. They were one and the same person. It was just Chen lived a tad longer than Jongdae had. He had worked under that alias for years and he wasn’t proud of that. Anything he did in connection to the mafia had been carried out as Chen.  
  
  
Jongdae was just a simple person living in South Korea. Still, he didn’t make a difference. Jongdae was shaped by Chen and his experiences, made him who he was but Jongdae was not sure anymore. Did Kyungsoo know more than he pretended to? If so, why wasn’t he asking him anything in that direction?  
  
  
They somehow spend half of their day in the kitchen. Kyungsoo explained that he wanted to make things up to Jongdae and that his muffins had been very tasty. Soyoung loved them to death and thus he wanted to know how Jongdae had managed to make them this tasty. “I added brittle, you might have noticed.”  
  
  
Kyungsoo nodded to himself. “I had thought that much,” he answered and showed Jongdae a small package of muffin décor that included brittle. Jongdae laughed softly, but started to explain things to Kyungsoo nevertheless. He was glad that muffins were this easy to make, he would never be able to prepare a grand cake.  
  
  
“Chen?”  
  
  
“You say that all the time but Chen is me. Jongdae is Chen. I am me and you know me,” Jongdae said, swallowing hard because that was not entirely the truth. He couldn’t tell Kyungsoo about his past though, hands trembling slightly as he tried to put the chocolate half fluid mass into the paper muffin liners. Of course something dropped right beside the case and Jongdae sighed loudly.  
  
  
“Everything alright?”  
  
  
“No, it’s hot,” Jongdae joked, gesturing over to Kyungsoo before making a small whoo sound. He had not even thought about feeling bad when he approached the other male with killing in his mind, but now he felt entirely bad about keeping vital information away from him.  
  
  
“Funny, when you’re not even looking at me.”  
  
  
Jongdae lifted his head, looking Kyungsoo over obviously before concentrating on the muffins again. It was better this way, because it was not okay how the other’s thighs looked so magnificent and touchable. Like really really attractive.  
  
  
“That mesh shirt, your idea?”  
  
  
“Oh a friend recommended it. I thought that… that it wouldn’t hurt to be sexy for a minute or two,” Jongdae explained, not even wondering why Kyungsoo’s only request was for him to wear this ridiculous net which was called a shirt. “It’s a tad too revealing though. My friend talked me into buying it more or less.”  
  
  
“He saw you in that?”  
  
  
“Obviously,” Jongdae answered and pushed the tray into the oven before closing it again.  
  
  
“What did he say?”  
  
  
“That it suits me, like… uhm.” The male looked over to Kyungsoo, who looked at him expectantly, waiting for the answer. “He told me it would be better without clothes… completely, like… naked.” He laughed it off, but when Kyungsoo didn’t join in, he stopped and turned away, wondering why he had said the truth anyway.  
  
  
“Maybe it’s true.” Jongdae turned back to Kyungsoo, tilting his head a little.  
  
  
“What… Oh, it’s 19:30, shouldn’t we have like fetched Soyoung hours ago?” Jongdae asked, pointing at the clock above Kyungsoo, before smiling innocently. He was embarrassingly bad at changing topics, because what the fuck was that supposed to mean?  
  
  
“I left her at her aunt’s for tonight.”  
  
  
Was that an indication? A broad hint? Jongdae’s cheeks started to feel hot and the male turned away, nodding a few times to himself.  
  
  
“I’d like to know if it’s true, though I doubt something,” Kyungsoo spoke up, hands reaching forward to grab Jongdae’s wrist, pulling him back into the kitchen and even closer than before. Was he hallucinating? Being delusional?  
  
  
Jongdae looked up to meet Kyungsoo’s big eyes, wondering about what the other was even talking about. “What?” he simply inquired, pulling his bottom lip in between his teeth before meeting Kyungsoo’s strong gaze again. Intense.  
  
  
“If you can be even more gorgeous naked.”  
  
  
“Oh, wow, I remember something,” Jongdae started, cheeks heating up for a reason Jongdae liked to deny, “you pushed me away the other day! You… left me! I mean, that would have been okay if it had been me who kissed you, which… I know can be kind of gross for you-“  
  
  
“No, that’s not-“  
  
  
“Jesus Christ, I told you all that and then you go and kiss me only to leave me. You know, I’ve been nice and all but… it hurt,” Jongdae kept on rambling, not even letting Kyungsoo interrupt him, because that simply wasn’t fair.  
  
  
“Pushing and running away, I am sorry for that,” Kyungsoo apologised, bowing to Jongdae while a soft smile played around the younger male’s lips. “I wanted to make it up to you, but I am not… good at that.” A chuckle left his lips before he pointed over to the sofa. “Let’s watch a movie, okay? I am really sorry; I don’t know what to say. I’ve considered myself to be so goddamn straight and then you just – you just come and make me turn my head, make me question everything I’ve believed in, I mean… I’ve got a daughter. This is… so funny.”  
  
  
Jongdae merely stared at Kyungsoo before pushing the man into the living room. Watching a movie sounded good, great even. He could spend this night with Kyungsoo – the Kyungsoo who had just confessed, right? That was an indirect declaration of fondness, right? The older male scratched the back of his head but pushed Kyungsoo onto the soft leather anyway. He was feeling so very giddy; he could barely hold back his happiness.  
  
  
“I really don’t like that shirt on you,” Kyungsoo suddenly said, ears perking up before he faced the younger again, wondering where that came from. “Take it off.” Jongdae’s eyes widened, tilting his head as if he didn’t get that just now. Kyungsoo had not just ordered him to strip? “I signed that contract, you know. There’s nothing going to happen without your permission but I spent legit 800$ on you and I’ve come to the conclusion that I deserve more of you.”  
  
  
Jongdae didn’t waste another second and simply took it off, stretching his arm muscles as he pulled the piece of clothing over his head, throwing it away coolly. Not even a second later, he felt way too naked, pictures flashing in front of his eyes which he’d rather forget.  
  
  
He had been an agent of 14k. Since he was no legit assassin (he had managed to fail that test with flying colours due to his height, quite literally he couldn’t reach the top of the fence no matter how fucking hard he tried and no matter how hard they laughed) he took on easier jobs, mostly seduction or sniper work. The first was occurring way more often though.  
  
  
So Jongdae would put on his best act as a woman, which was easy. He had the figure of a woman and with a bit of help, he could seriously be very attractive. Jongdae turned seduction mission into games and sometimes it was quite funny, because there were two kind of reactions when realisation dawned upon his targets. The first ones were scared off and then it was easy to put them to death then. They never even came up with the idea of him gunning them down. Sometimes though he felt compelled to stab them. Other times around he liked to make their bones crack. Now when he thought of it, however, it wasn’t good. Kris had made sure to lecture him on death as well. Back then he was praised, because it was a necessity, but now it wasn’t. Now it was a decision, a choice to make.  
  
  
The other kind of reaction was excitement and he’d let them do anything they wanted with him. His teachers (as funny as it sounded now) had taught him to not act up and simply take it up the ass – quite literally. He had resisted the first time, but it went smoother after that and he’d come to appreciate the feeling of someone filling him up to the brim. This was the only kind of attention he had been receiving for years. It was like praise itself.  
  
  
Once they were done Jongdae finished business like usual.  
  
  
“You alright?” The student’s head perked up, looking at Kyungsoo again before covering himself with his hands although he was sure that the other had seen him; many had before and it was nothing special; it really wasn’t. Yet, he couldn’t help but feel nervous and somehow it was ridiculous.  
  
  
When a hand came up to rest on his side, Jongdae looked down, hands leaving their positions on his chest in defeat. He was acting like a girl, really. “Kyung-“ The words remained stuck in his throat when a finger traced along a scar right above the waistband of his trousers. It led much further down, thanks to the guy who liked bloodplay more than fucking Jongdae all over.  
  
  
“I-I’ll take a shower!” The older male declared and left, hiding in the bathroom before putting his forehead against the glass of the shower. He couldn’t believe how his body showed more of himself and who Chen was, then he had first considered. He didn’t like the vulnerable feeling which was currently driving him insane.  
  
  
Moreover, he felt stupid for leaving Kyungsoo who had just been spitting out the truth. The man hammered his head against the shower wall a few times more before undressing. He told Kyungsoo he would take a shower, so he should. Everything was quiet and calm, making Jongdae feel a bit better and lighter, but his breathing stopped when the shower opened up. “What-“ He was about to complain and scream like a girl when two plump lips stopped him.  
  
  
“Thought you needed company.”  
  
  
“Kyungsoo.”  
  
  
“Sounds good,” the younger male giggled and Jongdae couldn’t help feeling like the small spoon, both of the other’s hands cupping his cheeks gently. It was only a moment later when the student realised something very vital.  
  
  
“You’re naked,” he blurted out.  
  
  
“Obviously.” Jongdae could feel the heat starting to reach his head again and instead of contemplating further or feeling utterly embarrassed, he leaned forward to kiss Kyungsoo, hard. Teeth clashed together for a brief moment until the younger male took a step back, giving Jongdae enough room to press himself flush against the not-so-straight-individual anymore.  
  
  
Kyungsoo seemed hesitant at first, hands touching Jongdae’s skin only briefly before he started to be quite daring. Fingers trailing along the outlines of muscles, leaving a trail of fire which only seemed to make Jongdae feel even more needy.  
  
  
The elder’s hands on the other hand rested on Kyungsoo’s upper back, arms draped over the other’s shoulders while his tongue darted out to run along the journalist’s lips, liking how plump they felt and how kissable they were, soft and delicious. Kyungsoo opened up willingly, but Jongdae was not the one to take the initiative, tongue exploring his cavern slowly, almost shyly before he started sucking at Jongdae’s tongue, drawing a few soft muffled sounds which could barely leave the older male’s mouth.  
  
  
Jongdae was still overwhelmed by the feeling of Kyungsoo’s tongue playing with his own, that he barely noticed how the younger’s hands made a deal of exploring every bit of skin he could get his hands on. A gasp escaped Jongdae’s lips however when Kyungsoo squeezed the other’s bum and Jongdae swore he could hear the other’s amused chuckle, but that might have been his ears playing tricks on him.  
  
  
Smooth soft fingers pulled his butt cheeks apart and Jongdae could only wonder about Kyungsoo’s shy nature which seemed to have disappeared. “You’re-“ Words were stuck in his throat when the younger man caught his bottom lip in between his teeth, letting it swell before withdrawing briefly.  
  
  
“800$.” Jongdae could hear himself groan but was cut off once more when Kyungsoo captured his lips, fingers trailing along the outer rim, which really made Jongdae forget about how to breathe for a second. Now that they had gotten this far, Jongdae came to painfully realise how much he wanted Kyungsoo, how much he really wanted Kyungsoo to spread him apart, make him forget about everyone that had sullied him.  
  
  
“I am easily worth 1000-“  
  
  
“You brat,” Kyungsoo whispered against his lips, making Jongdae chuckle, hands trembling in excitement at the other’s back, nails digging into the younger male’s skin. Kyungsoo somehow did not seem to mind and heck, Jongdae felt like he could get used to the feeling of being in someone’s arms.  
  
  
Fingers left way too soon – leaving Jongdae aching for so much more – before a hand suddenly wrapped around his half-hard cock. Eyes searched for Kyungsoo’s, who had his forehead pressed against his own. Jongdae gazed into them for a while, feeling himself twitch in the other’s hand. It was a sight to behold, really. Kyungsoo’s lips were slightly swollen, eyes blown with lust and desire, dark as they night as he held Jongdae’s gaze easily.  
  
  
“Don’t just hold it like a trophy,” Jongdae whispered and not much later did Kyungsoo start to pump his arousal, up and down, slowly but with a very firm grip and Jongdae deduced that maybe Kyungsoo liked it like that. Obviously, because he had never tried this with someone else. “Fuck-“ Jongdae cried out, eyes falling close when he felt the other thumbing his slit, nail only softly pressing into it, again and again. The elder had to bite back a groan, legs slightly shaking.  
  
  
“Don’t go quiet on me.” Jongdae could only feel Kyungsoo’s hot breath against his ear and those hands which worked him to full hardness. He felt so warm that a hand reached forward, switching on cold water which poured down on them. “Let me hear you, Jongdae.” He felt more than just complied to, when both of Kyungsoo’s hands were closing around his shaft, pulling the skin rather gently into two different directions.  
  
  
“Oh yes.” Jongdae looked up again to Kyungsoo’s eyes, noticing the subtle hint of hesitation within the other’s gaze. “You’ve got me hard, don’t give me that,” he babbled without any reason to really, but he felt like telling anyway. A small smile played along Kyungsoo’s lips and yes, it was gorgeous.  
  
  
The warmth around his cock was gone when Kyungsoo pushed it up against Jongdae’s abdomen, the other hand reaching further, massaging his balls before rolling them in his palm, adding pressure whenever he deemed necessary. A loud moan slipped past Jongdae’s lips at the feeling and he didn’t need to think of how his weak point had just been revealed. He could barely stop the moans from flowing when Kyungsoo let go of him. Soft whining from Jongdae’s side filled the silence in between them however – apart from the steady flow of water.  
  
  
“Not okay,” he said to no one in particular, his own hands enclosing his dick, stroking it lazily before looking over at Kyungsoo, who seemed to be focusing on his hands. He couldn’t just not make a show out of it, when the tips of his fingers started playing with the precum, dragging it along his shaft before lifting one hand up, tasting himself almost experimentally before starting to jerk himself off speedily, grip tight and mercilessly.  
  
  
Eyes dotted downwards, taking in the sight of all of Kyungsoo for the first time and really, he had never seen a creature this beautiful – although that was so fucking cliché. He gulped visibly upon taking in Kyungsoo’s dick, thicker than this own, twitching in delight whenever a sound escaped Jongdae’s lips. A slight smirk settled on his features when Jongdae stopped abruptly, shortly before reaching his climax.  
  
  
The elder felt slightly wasted, hands holding onto Kyungsoo’s waist, who easily pulled the man into his embrace. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered into Jongdae’s ear before biting down on the outer shell, dragging at it just slightly until he could hear Jongdae’s soft whimpering. The elder didn’t hear however, he was merely a bit surprised at the action, enjoying the other’s sweet nothings, besides the slight pain in between his legs.  
  
  
It was more than just a pain to stop at the right moment.  
  
  
“Kyungsoo,” Jongdae whined quietly, rolling his hips forward against the other’s impatiently. The motion earned him a low groan which was much like music to the older male’s ears. He repeated the motion again and again, feeling Kyungsoo’s own arousal pressing against his hard-on before he wrapped his hands around both of them. He started to pump them, cooing against Kyungsoo’s neck about how good it felt to have the other’s cock rub against his own, again and again and again.  
  
  
“800$...” Kyungsoo muttered and Jongdae didn’t know what to make of that statement until he felt the other’s hands on his back, further and further down until his fingers started teasing him again.  
  
  
“Push them in, please… pretty please.”  
  
  
“Having you beg for that is such a sin, really,” Kyungsoo said and Jongdae leaned back, catching the other’s lust blown pupils as a small smirk played around plump swollen lips. “How can I not, tell me?” Jongdae shook his head, gaping in a silent scream when a finger pushed in, muscles contracting around the invader. It had been such a long time, making it feel strange all over again.  
  
  
“Fingerfuck me, Kyungsoo,” Jongdae could hear himself say things in a rather high pitched voice, wondering how far gone he already was. If wanting someone this much was actually possible. He had to answer this positively.  
  
  
“Tight,” Kyungsoo commented, hands pushing the younger male closer against him, hands still wrapped around their aching hard-ons before letting go again, feeling his cock pressed up against Kyungsoo’s firm stomach when the other pressed himself hard against Jongdae. “Holy fuck.” Jongdae groaned in delight when the other’s finger finally started to move, pushing in and out slowly before the pace picked up quite a bit. It wasn’t much longer before a second digit entered him, scissoring him open before Kyungsoo started to thrust them in and out quickly, mercilessly, deeply until they brushed along Jongdae’s prostrate, making the older jump, almost screaming into the younger male’s ear.  
  
  
“It’s a shame you can’t see,” Jongdae muttered, catching Kyungsoo’s attention, who stopped, withdrawing his hand before leaning back against the shower wall, catching his breath. Jongdae on the other hand didn’t like feeling this empty, still aching for Kyungsoo to fill him up entirely, to connect.  
  
  
The student’s desire moved downward, eyeing Kyungsoo’s erection before letting himself fall against the other’s chest. Despite his small size, Kyungsoo was actually fit and slightly bulky, much more than Jongdae’s straight feminine lines. “800$,” the older male suddenly said, garnering Kyungsoo’s attention and really, it was a good excuse for everything.  
  
  
“Yes?” Kyungsoo’s voice seemed shaken, almost breaking at the vowels when he turned his head to look at Jongdae but the elder was quick enough to blow hot ear against his ear, giggling quietly before voicing his wish. “Let me suck you off, please?”  
  
  
“Oh fuck…” He looked at Kyungsoo whose mouth was slightly agape still before two hands gestured for him to do anything he wanted. Jongdae easily dropped down on his knees, wincing at the rather cold surface pressing up against his cock, before he wrapped his fingers around it gently, eyes taking in the glorious sight of Kyungsoo’s hard swollen cock. It really was thick and heavy.  
  
  
Jongdae dragged his tongue over the shaft, from the base up to the tip. He caught Kyungsoo’s long shaky breaths, adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he repeated the motion again, not wanting to leave a spot dry before closing his lips around the head, softly sucking while dipping the tip of his tongue into the slit, tasting the precum before swallowing it eagerly although it did taste bitter and slick.  
  
  
Tongue dragged along the underside of the head soon after, feeling the skin pulse beneath. It felt heavy against his tongue, eyes blinking up lazily at the other who had his eyes closed, mouth open in long almost silent groans. So Jongdae concentrated at the task at hand, lips dragging along the shaft as he took Kyungsoo deeper, feeling the tip hit the back of his throat. He didn’t stop there however when the other’s cock went down his throat. It felt good, delighting when Jongdae started to gag, losing control of his saliva which dropped down his chin.  
  
  
He pulled back soon after, coughing a little when Kyungsoo’s cock was freed. He watched his own saliva dropping down the other’s hard-on, eyes half open as he lifted his head upon feeling Kyungsoo’s hand carding through his hair. “Don’t force it.” Jongdae shook his head eagerly, hand pumping his cock lazily, watching the tip turn slightly purple before groaning.  
  
  
“I love it,” he ensured Kyungsoo before taking the other into his mouth again, starting to deep throat the journalist, head bobbing back and forth as he looked up at Kyungsoo, catching the other’s gaze, dark eyes locked onto his as he dragged his lips along Kyungsoo’s cock, again and again, feeling more than just spend. The younger male rolled his hips forward when Jongdae pulled back, filling him up again until he withdrew, leaving Jongdae empty, mouth wide agape as he simply stared up at Kyungsoo.  
  
  
“Well,” Kyungsoo said, voice laced with lust as he ran his thumb along Jongdae’s swollen lips, “keep it open, okay?” The older male nodded his head, mouth open wide for Kyungsoo’s cock, who started to thrust into the wet cavern. He started out slow before thrusting in deep, feeling his cock enclosed by tight walls whenever Jongdae gagged around him and there really was nothing this enticing.  
  
  
Jongdae stared up into Kyungsoo’s eyes, voice growing louder under the pressure of Jongdae’s tongue around him, taking him in needily, again and again. The movement of his hips became erratic, teeth biting down on his bottom lip as he pulled out. His hand reached down, fingers wrapping around his dick as he started pumping it, stroking it quickly until white thick spurts of cum covered Jongdae’s face.  
  
  
In the most crucial moment the elder closed his eyes, before running his tongue over his bottom lip, swiping a bit of the slick translucent liquid, tasting it on his tongue. A grin played around his lips once Jongdae got up, legs feeling wobbly as he fell against Kyungsoo’s chest. The younger male’s hands grasped his hips, holding him close.  
  
  
Still, Jongdae was aching for more. Something only Kyungsoo could give him, now and forever.  
  
  
So he pulled the journalist out of the shower, kissing him harshly as he pushed the younger to the bedroom. Kyungsoo turned them around after a while, letting go when Jongdae walked backwards, falling flat on his fluffy bed.  
  
  
“Kyungsoo,” he begged, raising his legs up in the air before spreading them, “I need you.” Kyungsoo seemed to be debating with himself, still standing in the door frame as Jongdae’s hand made its way south, fingers circling over his hole, again and again as he teased himself. He didn’t feel ashamed, not at all. Kyungsoo had seen all of him by now, there was absolutely nothing to hide. He wanted the other so badly, he would do everything.  
  
  
“Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me.” The words were high pitched, strained as Jongdae arched himself of the bed when he started to push his finger inside, feeling the tip entering before someone pushed it away with force. The feeling for more was overwhelming, threatening to eat him up alive if the journalist was not going to fuck him right there and then.  
  
  
“Don’t do that,” Kyungsoo said, rubbing the tip of his cock over Jongdae’s hole repeatedly and the student started moaning the other’s name like a prayer, over and over again. Eyes casted downwards, watching Kyungsoo grow to full hardness again before swallowing hard. The anticipation was killing him. Lips twitched into a thin line when Kyungsoo leaned down, spitting onto Jongdae’s hole before finally guiding the tip of his cock inside.  
  
  
The stretch was a burn, much more than two of Kyungsoo’s finger, much thicker, but it was smoother with the use of Jongdae’s saliva and the water from the shower. The student could feel his walls tightening around the other, muscles cramping hard, drawing a hiss from Kyungsoo’s lips. The younger male gave him enough time to adjust though before pushing in further, spreading the man open beneath him.  
  
  
Jongdae’s hand reached upward, running through Kyungsoo’s hair before holding onto the other’s shoulder, nails digging into the smooth flesh once again when Kyungsoo started rolling his hips. He stopped when only the tip was left inside before pushing all the way back in, filling Jongdae up to the brim within seconds. The elder’s back arched off the bed, lips pushed into a thin line before a long loud moan left his lips, feeling the burn, the stretch and Kyungsoo’s eyes on him.  
  
  
Nothing was this good, he could swear on everything he owned.  
  
  
Kyungsoo leaned down to kiss Jongdae, hips working on a steady pace, spreading the older male open on his dick, walls slowly loosening around him until it worked smoothly. Very smoothly and it only dawned upon him now that they weren’t using a condom, but he trusted Kyungsoo a little too much to stop everything now. He himself had tested himself just a month ago, courtesy to Kris high security standards.  
  
  
Besides, Jongdae was assured that the feel of a condom rubbing along his walls would never be able to match the feeling of Kyungsoo raw within him. He was quite sure though of the after affects, but thinking about them now was absolutely no fun.  
  
  
Half lidded eyes looked up at the younger, meeting Kyungsoo halfway when Jongdae started pushing back, wanting to feel the other deeper and harder, crying out loud when Kyungsoo hit his weak spot again. This time around however he didn’t stop, cock abusing his prostrate over and over again quickly until Jongdae was reduced to a moaning mess beneath him, all screams and cries until he started sobbing, tears threatening to fall from his eyes at the feeling of pure pleasure.  
  
  
“Will you ride me, pretty boy?” Kyungsoo whispered into his ear and all Jongdae could do was nod eagerly. The younger male pulled out of him and the student sighed at the feeling of emptiness. He didn’t like it one bit and instead straddled Kyungsoo’s hips, sighing contently when he lifted his hips up a bit, hand enclosing around the other’s shaft before slowly sitting down on it, feeling Kyungsoo’s dick spread him open again, further and further, until Jongdae was seated comfortably on top of the other.  
  
  
“Fuck, yes,” he groaned loudly, lifting his hips up again before dropping down again. The stretch was no burn anymore, it felt simply good and so Jongdae repeated the motion, soon starting to ride Kyungsoo passionately before the younger male started to thrust upwards, meeting Jongdae’s hips halfway.  
  
  
“Lay was right?”  
  
  
Jongdae only nodded, almost laughing but was cut off harshly when Kyungsoo thrust upward hard and quick, not even trying to match Jongdae’s pace. His gaze dropped down to his hard-on in mid-air, rock hard and aching for attention, which Kyungsoo offered after one quick look. Soft smooth slim fingers wrapped around his cock, stroking him quickly, not wanting for Jongdae to suffer any longer. It was so very sensitive that the older male started keening, one hand rushing over his chest, tweaking his nipples before he lifted his hips up while pushing Kyungsoo’s hips down with the other.  
  
  
He smirked viciously, only the tip of the other’s cock left inside of him as he rolled his hips forward and backwards, motions soon morphing into the shape of an 8. Kyungsoo growled loudly, in protest, arms reaching forward as he pulled his upper body of the bed. Jongdae moved forward into the other’s arms, hips moving up and down again as he felt Kyungsoo’s cock brushing against his weak spot all over again.  
  
  
“Good, so very good,” Kyungsoo whispered into Jongdae’s ear, the movement of his hips back to being erratic, body trembling hard under the pleasure. Something he hadn’t felt in years.  
  
  
Jongdae was draped all over the younger male, hips not moving anymore as he let Kyungsoo thrust up into himself. “I-I…” Jongdae’s words drifted into nothingness, heat pooling in his stomach as he was gradually arching closer to release. His balls pulling tight at the feeling of pleasure, wondering why something this sinful could feel so good. Just a few more strokes and Jongdae shot his load in between their bodies, back arching beautifully as he could feel the orgasm within every nerve off his body. Kyungsoo’s name leaving his lips in a mantra continuously.  
  
  
Only a few moments later Kyungsoo climaxed inside of Jongdae, who milked him dry with the use of his hips, clamping down hard on the man who had once been his target. The journalist groaned loudly, almost sounding annoyed before he fell back onto his bed. Jongdae remained on top of Kyungsoo, before slowly lifting his hips up, feeling rather empty – but satisfied – when the other’s cock slipped out of him.  
  
  
A look at Kyungsoo made him feel almost embarrassed as he felt a few drops of cum running down his thigh. “Fuck,” he muttered quietly before dropping down next to the younger man. He was feeling giddy and extremely pleased, wanting to hug the world – although that was kind of ridiculous.  
  
  
“I… I really like you,” he muttered, hand placed on top of Kyungsoo’s chest. The younger male grabbed Jongdae’s hand, slicing their fingers through one another’s with a soft smile on his face.  
  
  
“Funny, you’ve already conquered my treasure’s heart, the only one I needed to accept you.” Kyungsoo’s hand cupped Jongdae’s cheek gently as he turned to lie on his side. “Will you accept us, too?”  
  
  
“Of course.”  
  
  


 

 

◆

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The next morning came way too fast and Jongdae was still draped over the other’s body, before opening up his eyes, still disturbed by the fucking sun shining through the gap of the curtains in the very middle. Brown eyes wandered over the masterpiece in front of him. Kyungsoo’s eyes were closed, quietly snoring away in a sound that was barely audible, lips plump and so very kissable that Jongdae could barely hold himself back as he looked over Kyungsoo’s hair, short and pressed into the pillow.  
  
  
Bedhair.  
  
  
The man shook his head, smacking his lips together before quietly making his way out of the room, sighing contently when he let himself fall against the door of Kyungsoo’s bathroom. The student slipped inside quickly, pulling on the wrong pair of boxers before chuckling at himself. He really was behaving like an idiot.  
  
  
So he made his way over to the kitchen, preparing a few sandwiches for breakfast before he heard the telephone ring. He wasn’t sure if he should go and accept the call, if Kyungsoo would even want him to. He decided not to, since the other had not officially allowed him to.  
  
  
When a voice spoke up, probably leaving a message for Kyungsoo, Jongdae walked into the living room, paying attention to something he was not supposed to meddle with. He somehow had a bad feeling about it. “Sorry Kyungsoo for calling so early, but… I just wanted to tell you again, that you don’t have to feel bad for quitting the article about the mafia activities. We have found out a lot of interesting things and that’s really good… Despite that I am somehow sure you haven’t stopped meeting that guy and although I have warned you already, I will again. Keep your distance. What if someone of them really killed Jisung? I know you feel good for someone carrying out revenge, but you shouldn’t be thankful. They’re still murderers, just like Jisung and you know how awful it was when that guy murdered Soyoung’s mother, leaving that damn x sign on her forehead… Anyway, don’t, Kyungsoo, keep away. I gotta go now though. See you very soon, okay? Please call me.”  
  
  
_Beep beep beep beep._  
  
  
Jongdae didn’t dare thinking while Joonmyeon was still talking – and it really was easy to recognize that soft and gentle voice. When the other hung up, Jongdae swallowed hard, still processing the information which was just given to him. Everything made a lot more sense now. That was why Kyungsoo was so very happy about that guy’s death, obviously, but it was also scary because until now he hadn’t thought about Soyoung’s mother and the woman Kyungsoo had loved before him. If Jongdae could already call himself the other’s lover. He wasn’t sure, but yesterday was more than just beautiful.  
  
  
“I never loved her,” a voice spoke up, raspy and low before two gentle arms wrapped around his waist from behind.  
  
  
“What?” Jongdae inquired, eyes wide, but not even moving in any way. Instead he put his hands on top of Kyungsoo’s, enjoying the simple action much more than he should. What Kyungsoo said shouldn’t make him happy, but it still did.  
  
  
“It happened in high school. We were both very drunk and partially frustrated. We both didn’t remember anything though. She wanted to keep the baby and I had no say in it, so I simply supported her in every way I could.” Jongdae wanted to look at Kyungsoo, but there was no opportunity when the other pressed his forehead into the crook of his neck, simply resting there.  
  
  
“I mean, Soyoung is almost 5 and I was not even 18 back then. She said abducting it could be considered murder and we had done it, so it was our fault to begin with. The child didn’t deserve such a fate.” Jongdae optioned to just listen, hands softly massaging the other’s, as if Kyungsoo might need that comfort or the knowledge about Jongdae still being there and listening.  
  
  
“She carried it out as we planned and I really couldn’t help loving my daughter. You know Soyoung and how mature and lovely she is, that is really just thanks to her mum.”  
  
  
“She’s got your smarts and perhaps also your savage genes. She can be awkward at times, but I think she is very well behaved and she talks a lot about you, Kyungsoo. She’s really proud to have you. Don’t make it sound that negative.” Kyungsoo only chuckled but when he entangled their fingers, it made Jongdae think that the other had accepted his words and felt grateful.  
  
  
“I’ve tried to follow in her mother’s steps, trying to fill up the space she left. It’s not working. It’s already been 2 years since her death. I tried to busy myself, taking care of Soyoung and trying to fulfil every wish or whim. It was so hard and we were more than awkward. I remember one time I tried to feed her noodles and she spit them in my face. 2 seconds later she told me I am awful. Even now we clash and heck, I hate it when she glares at me. I know I’ve done wrong then, but I can’t change it anymore… You make me so jealous, Jongdae.” The older male’s head perked up at the sound of his name before managing to break free, hands grabbing onto Kyungsoo’s hips, who only looked at him weakly. He was contemplating on whether to elaborate on that or not, Jongdae knew this gaze.  
  
  
“Your first day… at the kindergarten, I still know. She came home, beaming like Christmas had just arrived – I know she loves Christmas. Anyway, I asked her about it and she answered that group 7 – your group as I have come to understand – received a new teacher, only temporary and due to a project from school – which I have figured now is actually your university. Soyoung told me that that man reminded her of mommy, her bright and clear smile, all laughs and giggles.”  
  
  
Jongdae raised an eyebrow, feeling thankful but this was not about him being a great teacher because he was scolded at least ten times a day. Some things were so petty, he didn’t even like thinking about them.  
  
  
“I remembered you. The man who had draped himself over me so casually, that I thought it was your business, but apparently not. You were only helping out. In this dark club, you were still shining the brightest – not even trying to sound cliché, but that laugh of yours is mesmerizing. Soyoung told me the next day, that she loved it. I remembered your laugh, loud, nasal, hands clapping. On Wednesday she told me about how funny their new teacher is, how he laughs so openly, loudly while being so carefree, hands clapping when something was even slightly hilarious. You know what I did on Thursday, the following day, when she praised her teacher’s cheekbones?” He made a point by running his thumbs over Jongdae’s high and defined cheekbones.  
  
  
The student shook his head although he could take a guess.  
  
  
“I asked for the name and you know what she said?”  
  
  
“Kim Jongdae.” Kyungsoo smiled brightly before kicking his knee, not exactly hard but it still hurt. Jongdae had not considered himself a pussy, so he could clearly say that it was supposed to hurt.  
  
  
“You earned her heart in just 2 days. I think that’s unfair. Even now she still talks about you… Unfair,” Kyungsoo started but there was still something like a smile tugging at his lips.  
  
  
“I thought you were going to tell me a very sad story, but by now you have ended up complaining to me about me? Sassy much?” Jongdae asked but there was no moment to indulge in Kyungsoo’s glare when the journalist kissed him, gently and passionately, lips pressed against his in the most caring way. The younger man’s hands came to rest at Jongdae’s side.  
  
  
In a second and much smoother than yesterday, Jongdae felt himself pinned against the wall in the hallway – which he almost wanted to call theirs, but that was still far far in the future, he decided.  
  
  
The kiss ended after a minute or two – Jongdae really didn’t like counting – but he felt hot, heart swelling and fluttering when he looked into Kyungsoo’s eyes, the gaze electric, unrelenting and disarming. He really really wanted to just tell him the truth about himself, thinking that maybe it was the right time now, thinking that maybe Kyungsoo could forgive him. “I-“  
  
  
_Ding Dong._  
  
  
God was not feeling considerate today.  
  
  
Kyungsoo easily pressed one last kiss against his lips, finger dipping into the waistband of the boxers Jongdae was wearing. “They suit you well, my boxers.” The student scratched his cheek awkwardly, wondering why he had put them on the first place if they weren’t his own.  
  
  
The door was opened by Kyungsoo, smile bright and radiating when Soyoung bounced at him, very happy. Jongdae smiled softly, knowing that the journalist had brought out the slightly dramatic side of things, because Soyoung really loved him and felt bad whenever she saw her dad try so hard to make her happy before fucking it all up. She had told him and yes, Soyoung was extremely honest.  
  
  
When the girl spotted Jongdae however, she writhed in Kyungsoo’s grip, almost jumping out of it before running over to the student. “Jongdae-oppa! I’ve missed you!” Clearly so, after all he hadn’t been at the kindergarten for more than just a few days because of his part time job and the third year project, an essay about disabled children and how to take care of them. For Jongdae it was more complaining about the government and how much money they were wasting on inefficient things that had nothing to do with education.  
  
  
So he knelt down, wrapping his arms around the thin female body, hugging her tightly to his chest before looking up at the person standing in the door, staring at him like an insect that needed to be extinguished. Jongdae swallowed hard, knowing that the red head was called Chanyeol and was way more friendly before. “Soyoung would you go into your room?” Kyungsoo suddenly asked and Soyoung nodded, kissing Jongdae goodbye before leaving, entering the room at the far end. The door actually had a sign stuck to it where _broken – please stay outside_ was written on and the student had really considered not to look into it, not when he was here for the first time.  
  
  
“What is he doing here? HE?” Chanyeol took a closer look at Jongdae before turning towards his friend. “No--No, you didn’t. You let him fuck you… or why are you both naked, care to explain?” Kyungsoo was not looking at Chanyeol, sighing in defeat and for once Jongdae did not know why it was so bad when the other had encouraged him just weeks ago.  
  
  
“He fucked me,” Jongdae simply stated instead, realising that Kyungsoo was not going to answer that.  
  
  
“You fucking—“  
  
  
“This is my business, Chanyeol. You’ve been a fine guard puppy, but it’s time to stop now. Jongdae—“  
  
  
Chanyeol glared so hard that the student almost fainted upon meeting the other’s eyes.  
  
  
“I will kindly ask you to leave now,” the red head barked, Kyungsoo’s hands coming up to tear at his arms.  
  
  
“Stop this now. He is my guest-“  
  
  
“I DON’T FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOUR GUESTS, KYUNGSOO, BUT THIS ONE NEEDS TO LEAVE.”  
  
  
Jongdae simply stared at the two, feeling guilty, for always lying to Kyungsoo. Chanyeol was probably doing it for his sake as well, although the student had no idea about what was going on even. He also felt partially bad for making them argue, for threatening their friendship although the reason remained unbeknownst to him.  
  
  
“I’ll go,” Jongdae said quickly, running into the bathroom, jumping into his clothes – while still wearing Kyungsoo’s boxers as a remembrance – before gathering his seven things, pushing them into his bag. When he wanted to pass by them, Kyungsoo stepped forward, hands grabbing his hips tightly, pulling the student close to him.  
  
  
“I like you, Jongdae, I really do. I’ll text you.” The man nodded, receiving a short kiss on the lips before running out of the house, heart growing tiny and tight, making him suffocate once he left the premises once more.  
  
  


 

 

◆

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
No, Kyungsoo did not text him. No mail, text, call, simply nothing. Jongdae looked over to the calendar at his wall. 2 weeks ago. Time was sure passing fast, he thought for a moment before laughing to himself. No, it had not. Not at all, minutes felt like eternities. Every night he found himself staring at his cell phone, contemplating if maybe he should write firstly. He decided not to. Jongdae didn’t want to be the reason for the disharmony in between them, much less if he thought about who he really was and that he should keep his distance.  
  
  
Kris hadn’t talked to him for much longer and he hadn’t visited the club in weeks as well. Yuri was not at home either because she was promoting her own fashion line in Vietnam.  
  
  
A sigh escaped his lips. He was deprived and lonely. Everything that kept him alive were his shifts at the kindergarten, but Soyoung hadn’t been there in days. He got to know little later that Kyungsoo called in sick for her. So now he didn’t even have the chance to spend time with her when the other was obviously busy.  
  
  
And lied.  
  
  
He didn’t focus on that though, mostly because he himself was worse off as a liar.  
  
  
Jongdae was just about to call it a day – 8 hours of research with a 30-minute break, where he managed to make lunch + 3 hours of writing out the beginning of the essay, which was like walking on lit coal, when ultimately his screen lighted up, revealing Kyungsoo’s caller id.  
  
  
He didn’t know what to feel or think but anything would do, especially Kyungsoo’s voice.  
  
  
It was not the journalist’s voice who answered the phone though. He didn’t need to think about who it was. Tone loud, obnoxious, nearly screaming into his ear and Jongdae was quick enough to put a little distance between himself and his phone.  
  
  
“Hello Baekhyun,” Jongdae greeted, trying to sound friendly while the other was not. Not at all.  
  
  
“Come to our working place, now. We really need to talk with you. Kyungsoo is here, too.” Jongdae looked over at the clock, squinting his eyes close to read the time. 2.30am. Two fucking thirty am, he repeated in his head before saving the data on his laptop, closing it quietly while actually thinking that it would be better not to follow their orders, but by now he would do anything to see Kyungsoo’s face again. It was driving him insane and seriously masturbating was only for singles. Where was the fun when the journalist could screw him over with the use of his voice or eyes? Pathetic.  
  
  
“I’ll be over soon,” Jongdae said, only hearing the beep sound at the other side before locking his phone again. Baekhyun had already hung up and Jongdae really had a very bad feeling about this. First Chanyeol yelling at him, although he did not reveal the reason of his anger and now Baekhyun, who simply ordered him to come over quickly. Sounded more like a death threat though to Jongdae.  
  
  
The man put his shoes on, scrolling through the schedule for the busses, only to notice that perhaps he would need to take the subway. So he made his way over to the station near his home – 5 easy minutes by foot – before boarding the next train – god bless Seoul for trains every 5 minutes or so. Still, he felt uneasy about everything, almost like there was someone watching his every move and he didn’t like that.  
  
  
3 stations later he left the train to go upstairs again, eyes adjusting to the bright neon lights flashing down at him. Jongdae crossed the street when the traffic eventually stopped. Big eyes looked at the building of the magazine, big red letters glowing at the very top, which he couldn’t even read from down there. He was definitely right though.  
  
  
Jongdae walked up the stairs to the 18th floor, not even thinking of taking the lift because he hadn’t worked out these days and was way too inactive, only mopping around while waiting for a certain text or call to come in while it didn’t.  
  
  
The man walked along the hallway which was completely covered in windows. It felt like rushing through an open space. That was not Jongdae’s definition of enjoyment. He made his way over to the room Chanyeol had showed him months ago – he couldn’t believe it had been that long, but it sure had been a fun ride of emotions and experiences, before they seemed to have turned on him.  
  
  
Few pictures were fastened onto the walls, bad quotes to be exact.  
  
  
_Work is good, so always leave something to do for tomorrow._ That was the best, Jongdae could barely hold back a chuckle before the more serious quotes resurfaced. _Always go too far, because that’s where you’ll find the truth._ The man nodded. Sounded pretty legit, but no one walks into a room full of mafia agents to survive. Although there was nothing exactly threatening about Kris and his group. They had wanted to leave the mafia for years already but there were always obstacles to overcome. Kris’ former mafia group stalking them. Yunho’s threatening presence at big events in Seoul although he was actually only operating in Busan or a mass murderer who definitely belonged to the mafia – due to the very distinctive tattoo at the back which showed a dragon.  
  
  
He had only seen it by chance, because Jisung had his back turned to him only days prior in the city. Yes, Jongdae had followed the man around after he finally resurfaced, visiting Kris’ club like it was usual business. Stupid, Jongdae had thought by then but now it made more sense. He was trying to frame them from the very first second, but Jongdae still didn’t know who he belonged to. That kind of tattoo was very familiar though, he knew he had seen it somewhere before but he couldn’t put a finger on it.  
  
  
Only a moment later he opened the door, walking into the open-plane office, several heads turning to look at him. Look was not the right word though. Jongin’s and Sehun’s faces were blank, simply looking at him while Chanyeol and Baekhyun were still glaring at him, much like he had remembered. Joonmyeon was standing next to Kyungsoo, looking rather concerned and much less angry, although he could feel antipathy in the boss’s eyes.  
  
  
Kyungsoo was sitting on the top of his desk, expression sad and concerned, but still the edges of his lips twitched up into a brief smile when he lay eyes on Jongdae. The student noted how the younger wanted to get up, but was pushed back by Chanyeol.  
  
  
“Let’s talk.” Baekhyun pushed Jongdae aside, into the very next corner while the red head locked the door. The student took a deep breath, sitting down on the desk next to Baekhyun which was probably vacant. There was no personal stuff whatsoever which made Jongdae think that it was perhaps alright to sit there. “You’re not allowed, but who cares,” Baekhyun started talking again, leaning back while folding his arms in front of his chest.  
  
  
“About what exactly?”  
  
  
“Are you trying to take us for fools, really, mafia boy?” Jongdae raised an eyebrow wondering where they earned all this confidence to call him part of the mafia. He had made sure that nothing slipped, but somehow they still knew. Everyone in his family was concerned about that, so Jongdae easily ruled all of the out; they would have never shared vital information.  
  
  
Someone else must have given them a slip of info.  
  
  
“Your proof?”  
  
  
Chanyeol suddenly came up to him, throwing a million small sheets of papers at his head. “They all were send to Kyungsoo’s home. He never shared them with us though. No, he kept them to himself, I was lucky when one of them slipped through his fingers while he was playing with it in his hands.” Jongdae tried to remain calm, collecting the multi coloured sticky notes which weren’t exactly sticky anymore.  
  
  
“So that was when?”  
  
  
“It started 2 days after I met you for the first time. The last one reached me 5 days prior to this meeting-“  
  
  
“When you told the kindergarten that Soyoung was sick!” He had to finish the sentence quickly when Chanyeol lounged at him, pushing him off the desk and down onto the ground. Jongdae made no move to counter, not even to dodge, simply struggled beneath the man’s tight grip on his arms. There was no need to act even more suspicious, although he had considered telling Kyungsoo 2 weeks ago. The chance was gone.  
  
  
“Read them, come on.” Chanyeol snatched the sheets from him, displaying every single on in front of him. They had numbers on it, Kyungsoo’s handwriting. Separately none of them made sense, but together they did.  
  
  
_1\. How was meeting Kim Jongdae? Down to fuck him already?_  
  
  
He doubted Kyungsoo had considered that from the start.  
  
  
_2\. Hope you managed to find something out.  
  
  
3\. You’re taking a tad too long.  
  
  
4\. Meeting a murderer in your free time must be exciting._  
  
  
Someone had been trying to get these messages across very hard. The handwriting seemed quite familiar by now. Jongdae had seen it before, it didn’t dawn upon him though. To think that Kyungsoo had still met him, knowing all these… Why?  
  
  
_5\. Kim Jongdae. Chen. 24 years old, student majoring in education. You should be questioning him.  
  
  
6\. He killed him. Right through the eye. He could do the same to you.  
  
  
7\. These investigations take a tad too long. I hope you didn’t give up. I’d hate to take something very precious from you._  
  
  
Oh. No. No.  
  
  
_8\. Do not trust Chen. He’s the sniper you’re searching for. He’s a murderer, Do Kyungsoo.  
  
  
9\. So how exactly was your rendezvous with Chen? I am still watching.  
  
  
10\. I think punishment should teach you not to fuck pretty boys._  
  
  
Jongdae stared hard at Chanyeol, angry and disappointed, hand itching to just grab the knife beneath the waistband of his trousers at the back. It was tiny. Sharp. Anything to finally rip the tongue out of the guy who had taken Kyungsoo’s most precious treasure. He was not stupid, he could calculate. She was abducted, not sick.  
  
  
Why hadn’t he called the police?  
  
  
Chanyeol hauled Jongdae up to his feet and the man blinked, slightly surprised but still feeling a little better. “Do you understand?”  
  
  
“I do.”  
  
  
“Fuming! You should be fuming!” Baekhyun screamed and although Jongdae saw it coming, he didn’t move out of the way, didn’t dodge and perhaps it was because he thought he deserved the punch right in the face. It was not as hard as he had expected, but still stumbled over his own feet, falling against the desk beneath him before sitting on the ground, rubbing his face and back.  
  
  
“You dirty murderer. Just because of you, Soyoung is gone!” Jongdae got up again, supporting himself by grabbing the edge of his desk before looking over to Baekhyun and Chanyeol. He could feel something wet on his face, red drops falling to the ground. Jongdae’s hand reached up, wiping the blood away although he was briefly wondering if it was his split lip or the nose Baekhyun had just brushed.  
  
  
Well fuck.  
  
  
“Quiet guys. Do you know the person who wrote this? A colleague maybe?” Joonmyeon questioned, shoving the two angry persons away and instead taking their place. He already wanted to tell Joonmyeon that he did not consider anyone to be a colleague really. There was family and then there were enemies, nothing in between, because allies always turned into enemies. He decided not to say anything though.  
  
  
“How should I know? Besides… that’s no proof. That could be a psycho.” He doubted his own words, hand coming up to wipe the blood away once more. So it was not his split lip. His nose was bleeding and his eye started hurting.  
  
  
“You don’t want to tell us the truth? He seemed knowledgeable about you. Down to everything.” Jongdae looked up at Joonmyeon, who was holding up a series of sticky notes. Those weren’t numbered. They didn’t need one, Jongdae guessed, it was like a biography of himself, like a timeline.  
  
  
_1997 – “abducted” by 14k, sold by his parents for food. he was merely 5 years old then, perfect for training, perfect for being turned into a killer. a killer without a need for feelings._  
  
  
He squinted his eyes close. He had heard of that before, when he was being put in charge for the first time. There were those that were abducted, turned into slaves for sexual desires and then there were people like him, sold by their parents for a penny, turned into killing machines. Jongdae never had a feeling for that though. At first it was exciting, but it was gradually turning out to be dull. Sometimes he stayed behind in the shadows, watching the people cry, wail, commit suicide because of their loved ones, the ones he killed.  
  
  
People were sad about it and he had met a young boy named Donghae, who was there with him. He wasn’t sold, but still in the same cage as Chen. He had talked a lot to him, always supported him, always cheered him on. He had that stupid happy smile on his face even if it had blue and green marks all over. He could hear him giggling late at night, hands cupping his cheeks before he’d kiss him, shortly. It was wet, Chen didn’t know what to think of it. It was attention however, gentle and caring. It felt good, for once it felt warm and not empty inside.  
  
  
He tried to keep Donghae by his side, stay whenever his training started. He was good, like really good. Many kids admired him. Chen couldn’t. He was brooding. Heechul – the kid in his practice group – told him it was jealousy. A feeling. Chen was not a machine, he decided. He also decided that jealousy was for losers, not boys like him. He was strong.  
  
  
It started to become a more pressing problem when Donghae, one of the oldest, in his cage started to care for all of them. There were just 7 people in the beginning, those in Chen’s cage but once they let him out of there – because of good achievements Chen had heard – he started to care for everyone. Chen didn’t like it. He held Sungmin’s hands one day and Chen could feel himself explode. If it weren’t for Heechul turning everything Donghae did into a funny joke.  
  
  
Donghae was a good boy, Chen knew that. He had known. It was becoming however very serious when he saw Donghae kissing Siwon, the ace of his group. Chen knew by then that he had been discarded and that the kiss was a joke. He was fuming. Heechul told him to live it down, that everything was rather unimportant anyway. Surviving was the real deal. Chen had wished that he could see things like that, but there was a point of no return when he accidentally ran in on Donghae and Eunhyuk one night. One night where he had been exceptionally good, exceptionally brave and they had even complimented him, which never happened.  
  
  
His reward to go to whichever cage he wanted. He was not good at making decisions. Chen knew that. Knew it well when the knife went through Eunhyuk’s forehead like butter. Throwing knives was his talent, he had often been praised for it. That certain day he hadn’t. Donghae stared at him coldly, all affection gone as he cried for Eunhyuk. Chen was announced the winner. He was 7 and officially born.  
  
  
Killing had a thrill but it was sad. He would always remember Donghae’s face, remembered his feelings before deciding that it was not okay. Never okay.  
  
  
_1999 – won his first match, killed a boy slightly older than him who was sold to 14k as well. the knife was thrown in a fit of anger and jealousy, stabbing through the boy’s forehead. he learned of sadness and loss that day. Chen was born._  
  
  
The fact that his alias was writing in big bold letters made it seem maddening. No one was born, they just gave him that name. They just gave him a duty and a reason to live when nothing made sense anymore, when everyone had discarded him. Gladly he could move onto the next group. No attachments anymore, Chen knew it only hurt.  
  
  
_2001 – he finished his training as an agent with splendid results. teachers found out about his huge talent as a sniper and nurtured him, knowing there was always good use for people who knew how to handle sniper rifles. he was good at handling guns in general, never missed a shoot after his first kill. he was on a run. he wanted to live once more, after his heart seemingly stopped right after his first kill._  
  
  
Kill or be killed, were his master’s first words. He wanted to live, he knew that. Chen had told his master that he wanted to die at first, wanted to be buried ten miles beneath the ground. When he had found himself lying in a confined dark space with nowhere left to go and buried beneath the ground as he had wished, Chen decided that he did not want to, that he was scared, that he wanted to live, didn’t want to die. He fought himself free, looking down at the hole, the coffin and the sand. His master had actually followed his wish and for once Chen thought that wishes should be well considered.  
  
  
_2004 – he went on his first mission, to kill an agent of Sun Yee On, the very rival group of 14k to which he belonged to for 9 years. he was 12 years old by then. he was easily successful, saying that there was no reason to be afraid or to hesitate. there is no forgiveness in the land of dragon, he had learned that very soon. failure meant death. success was the only way to go. Chen received his very first reward: the next special training for the next big mission. in addition, he was given his real name._  
  
  
Jongdae still remembered his first mission. He knew how death felt. It was easy to pull the trigger, way too easy to watch a life pass on. He had never been proud of that, but there was a certain thrill to go hunting that he couldn’t put down as well, although he had to admit, after seeing Donghae cry for Eunhyuk, he never felt the same again on a hunt. Every move was a mirror to show him how awful his actions were. Then again, them or him. He chose himself. He had learned to be greedy.  
  
  
Jongdae also remembered the time he was given his real name, a brief mention of who he was. Son to couple that had no money, could barely live on. Father alcoholic, mother drug addicted. They sold him for their addiction. He felt better knowing. He’d rather know them dead.  
  
  
_2006 – the boy finished his special training. for the first time in his life, at the age of 14, he was fucked by a man 20 years older than him. he was wearing girl’s clothes at that time, seducing the man into telling him everything only to gain the knowledge that the man loved fucking little boys._  
  
  
Jongdae swallowed hard. What had he been telling Kyungsoo?  
  
  
_same year – he continued seducing men, it was working easily, he was perfect. sometimes as a girl, sometimes as a boy. it always depended on the target. at first he let them take him, but soon he finished his business before they could even take a closer look at him naked. he was successful, always, but eventually told me he grew bored, disgusted at humanity._  
  
  
He had only talked to one human about this, his master. _Your master has no name; you don’t have one either or do you want this murderer to be you?_  
  
  
_2007 – the end of his carrier, the start of his life. he was taken in by a young man named Kris, an agent who belonged to Sun Yee On but made his escape to korea, when his parents died. he had never been very popular in his own triad, nobody really searched for him because his interest in mafia affairs was not big to begin with. he raised Jongdae from the age of 15, gave him a purpose, a job, a position within his group, but never ever let him be the agent he was before. overprotective. this was the end of Chen, the original one. the one today is just fake, a goody two shoes who does pitiful missions. This was the start of Jongdae, a happy carefree young man studying education. honestly though, who would give their child to a psycho killer? I think none. I think you don’t._  
  
  
That was the last sticky note. Something told him that perhaps Kyungsoo knew this way before he had found out that Jongdae had taken care of his daughter. The man swallowed hard, strengthening his hold on the table before straightening up. Well, at least he knew about his enemy, his old master, probably mad at the loss of his position within 14k and how everyone had abandoned him. Gladly.  
  
  
“This is a bit too detailed to be made up.”  
  
  
“Fanfiction seems real too, but then you recall it’s fiction,” Jongdae barked, slapping the sticky notes out of Joonmyeon’s hands. He was glad that the other did not move, did not pick them up again. That was everything he did not want to relive. Part of him wanted to tell the truth now, scream at them, that yes, he had been a murderer, not just once. He had played with people before shooting a bullet through their head. The other side didn’t want to admit, because that meant to be vulnerable once again. Aside, they knew everything, there was no need to say anything really.  
  
  
“Well, whatever you say, it’s a lie. You’ve been lying to Kyungsoo but then again… That was your mission.” Jongdae’s eyes were stuck on the red sticky note in Joonmyeon’s hand, which he held up for him to read.  
  
  
_Kyungsoo, he’s not honest, he’s never been. saying he wants you, that’s a lie. you’re just his target. there is no love._  
  
  
His master had known him, but did not know who he was now. Kris was much like an older brother, kind and gentle. How would he not know fondness or love by now? How would he not know how to care if there was Minseok asking about his condition every day? How would he not know about praise and acknowledgment if there was Lay complimenting him every day? How would he not know about loving someone endlessly if there was Tao being sad every second day because he could not tell Kris, what has been in his heart all along? How would he not know about sadness and pain if there was Luhan – a part of his family – not accepting him?  
  
  
There were so many people. So much he was grateful for. So much he had to protect and treasure. He could not make them sad.  
  
  
Jongdae grabbed the sticky note, ripping it in two before smiling at Joonmyeon, friendly and brightly. “It’s nice when people think they know you, but they don’t.” He took a step forward, watching how they all tensed, thinking he could kill them if he wanted to. He could. If there was one thing he couldn’t let go of, then it was the knife attached to the back of his trousers, but he didn’t need to anymore. These were Kyungsoo’s friend, they were worried about him, worried about Soyoung and yes, Jongdae thought that everything was partially his fault. “For you, for all of you. I really really love Kyungsoo. Believe me or not, that’s your choice, what I do, that is mine.”  
  
  
Jongdae shook his head, ready to turn on his heels and leave but Kyungsoo suddenly approached him, holding up a black sticky note with words written in white ink.  
  
  
_Meet me at 9pm, tomorrow, at Jisung’s old hideout. His place of death._  
  
  
“I got this today—“ Baekhyun pulled Kyungsoo back, screaming at the poor father.  
  
  
“Don’t be so stupid to show him! He will turn up and Soyoung will die.”  
  
  
Kyungsoo merely looked at Jongdae, smiling slightly, mercifully. “She’s called you dad. I think it was more of a joke, but her affection is real. She loves you. I do, too. I can’t find it in myself to care anymore. Care about all that stuff the person has written for me.” Baekhyun grabbed Kyungsoo’s collar, looking extremely angry.  
  
  
“You’re loving a fake person-“  
  
  
“1995 metres, two points left, three points up. Five clicks. You’ll be next,” Jongdae said, big widened eyes looking at him before he smiled slightly. “Think you know me, but you don’t.”  
  
  


 

 

◆

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
It was only right of him to leave then and there. He still had about 17 hours left to prepare. Jongdae was unsure of approaching that building again, but he also knew this master would be informed by now. It was necessary for him to turn up. The man looked at his left hand, considering his options; going alone.  
  
  
It was like the time was running through his hands just like sands when he found himself standing at the exact same position where he had killed Jisung months ago. It was eerily quiet, he couldn’t see any guards, which was weird, but then again, he didn’t know how many former agents of 14k were waiting for Kyungsoo’s arrival.  
  
  
Jongdae put on his black mask before making his way down, sneaking over to the big hall before hiding behind black barrels. A sigh escaped his lips, footsteps echoing in the far distance. He turned his head to see Kyungsoo and Joonmyeon. There was no one else and Jongdae could only think of their boss sending them all home by using force, his position as a superior.  
  
  
“All alone, Jongdae?” His head jerked to the side, looking up at Kris and the rest of the group, only briefly wondering why they were here.  
  
  
“Who followed me?”  
  
  
“Kris, regretfully he never does that for me.” Jongdae shot Tao a glance, who sat down beside him, smiling slightly. “I wish you luck.” The student looked up at Kris, who didn’t even answer Tao’s stupid comment before heading forward.  
  
  
“We’ll help you. We can’t have you go alone.”  
  
  
“And rat us out,” Luhan added, earning a few glares but he only shrugged it off. “You always go alone although we tell you not to. Asshole.” Jongdae felt slightly apologetic, but now he felt a tad angry. Goddamit, Luhan and his ways to piss the younger male of.  
  
  
“What he means to say is, we’re on your side.”  
  
  
“Going to help you get her back… to her father,” Minseok chimed in, following Yixing’s positive nature, a smile gracing his features and Jongdae thought about how reassuring it felt to have someone back him up, although they knew far more than he had expected. Good thing they only trusted him that much.  
  
  
“Safety measures since you didn’t visit us in two weeks. You didn’t even text us,” Kris explained, probably knowing he had to do so upon seeing Jongdae’s suspicious expression. The man still felt kind of sour, but he couldn’t be mad at them really. They were his family. He would do the same for them.  
  
  
“It’s alright. I think I know where Soyoung is. The hall isn’t big, few rooms, two floors. She will be on the upper one, where Jisung was found dead-“  
  
  
“How’d you know? The police reported that he died because of blood loss, not because of your bullet. He could have gone very far.” Jongdae looked over at Luhan, who only gave him an eyebrow up before shrugging his shoulders, feeling like the question was legit enough to be asked out loud.  
  
  
“I didn’t just disappear. I watched him die.” He looked Kris in the eyes, pressing his lips together. “Made sure he was dead,” Jongdae mumbled sheepishly, tiptoeing over to Kris before kneeling down besides his big brother.  
  
  
“Then get us in, we will do the rest.” The student smiled a little, feeling a pat on his back before he moved over to the small window at the very end of the hall, on the opposite side of the building where Kyungsoo and Joonmyeon had entered. He kicked it in without further warning, jumping in before hiding again. It was dark, as if nobody was there. Quiet. Unusual. The man was just about to get up when he heard a gun firing. That wasn’t inside though.  
  
  
He swallowed hard before moving on, running rather slowly to remain quiet, knife in his hand as he took a look around, barely able to make out shapes in the dark. Jongdae hit his foot when he wanted to turn at the next corner, mouth open in a silent groan. This really couldn’t be it? There was no one, once again, all quiet and unused. There were few barrels and boxes at the end of the hall, right opposite of him. He could see the big doors from here, where Kyungsoo and Joonmyeon had gone through. They were nowhere to be seen though.  
  
  
He bit down on his bottom lips, slowly climbing the stairs left of him. He could hear a voice talking, muted and so quiet he couldn’t make out a word. Jongdae sneaked his way, noticing that parts of the room had been moved around. There was a big stack of tiles which he knew Jisung had used as a chair back when he shot him. Jongdae recognized them right away, because they were of a weird purple colour.  
  
  
The voice was gradually etching closer and he hid behind the giant blue metallic box, which was probably used for transporting goods on ships. He stopped at the edge, daring to take a look around, spotting Soyoung sitting on a chair, hands tied behind it with a rope. She had stopped struggling, only looking ahead. When her head suddenly turned to look at Jongdae, he took off his mask, smiling slightly to make her feel better.  
  
  
She beamed brightly and he put on his mask again, smoothing his pullover down before tying his shoe laces a little tighter. Jongdae had always been a good fighter, superior to others, quicker and way more responsive, almost like a wild cat, but he had never been able to beat his master. Had never tried, shied away from the possibility of being pitched up against him one day. Not good.  
  
  
Slowly, quietly and silently, he took a look around the metal case, spotting a man quite tall standing in front of two other figures. There was Kyungsoo, face nothing more than a frown while Joonmyeon was standing in front of him, arm extended as if he wanted to shield the younger male. Obviously they shared more than just a bond between employee and employer. Jongdae remained behind the big box, thinking of a way to move Soyoung without being noticed.  
  
  
“So how was fucking Jongdae?” He wanted to cough. Ignoring the red hot cheeks he was probably spotting by now. Why in the world did he want to talk about that? “Rather than taking over, he always submitted. It always went a little smoother in the mafia if you actually did what people told you.” Was that really necessary? They knew what he did by now, probably had imagined it all and no, Jongdae hadn’t tried his hardest to push the thoughts away just for them to come haunt him again. He felt filthy.  
  
  
“It was easy to have him bend over.”  
  
  
“For you?” Kyungsoo inquired, hushed by Joonmyeon seconds later. Someone didn’t want to talk about it.  
  
  
“No, of course not for me. I was merely training him. I was merely watching, giving advice on how to bend just a little more, how men liked it. How to use his tongue probably. How good riding actually suited him and those graceful cat lips, high cheekbones, deafening laugh.” The student rolled his eyes, drawing the knife before inspecting the sharp side. Killing had never been a better promise than to simply turn people quiet. Hell yes. Quiet forever.  
  
  
“You disgust me.” Jongdae looked over at Joonmyeon, who for the first time actually contributed to this conversation they were having. Kyungsoo remained silent behind him and Jongdae didn’t know how to feel about it. Good, bad, neither? Shit.  
  
  
“He should disgust you and your little friend even slept with him. Had the pretty boy bend for him.” When his master took another step, hiding behind a square big pole, Jongdae took the opportunity to tiptoe forward, quietly lifting the chair before disappearing behind the goods again. They seemed way too immersed in their conversation to notice a thing, but then again, his master wasn’t the youngest anymore.  
  
  
He hadn’t even untied Soyoung when a loud deafening noise echoed through the hall, surprising the man. He quickly moved the girl away, putting her on top of a big container at the end of the hall, promising to call her out, when the danger was taken care of. Promising he’d be there, protect her if necessary and that all she needed to do was keep quiet.  
  
  
“Oh, Jongdae darling you’re here,” he heard a voice speak and turned, noting that the other man’s position was well chosen. He couldn’t throw a knife through a pole even if he wanted to. Jongdae couldn’t even see the man standing there, although his angle was sharper and had changed drastically. Anyway, no need to get the frights.  
  
  
“I didn’t bend for him,” Jongdae spoke up, appearing next to the container which had been his hiding point seconds ago. He could clearly see Joonmyeon’s reaction, wide eyes, mouth agape as he simply stared at the man. “I don’t bend so easily anymore.” The mask muffled his voice as he analysed the pole, wondering briefly about why the other was even hiding if he was supposed to be superior. “Not like you’d know, asshole.”  
  
  
“Someone’s feisty.”  
  
  
“Wipe that grin off your face,” Jongdae spat, tying a knot around the handle of the knife with a very thin but robust thread. Well, no one said something about fighting fair and square, he never had. Eyes blinked in shock, the knife that came flying by was dodged easily before kicking the next one away in reflex. Someone was not even subtly trying to kill him. Eyes briefly met his master’s before he drew his weapon, showing it to the taller male.  
  
  
Not a second later, he threw it with all of his might, watching how it flew past his master’s head before stabbing the wall. Perfect. He lifted his hand, string attached to his middle finger as he sprinted towards the other, thinking he wasn’t exactly bad at hand to hand combat although the thread kept him from going all out. It was loose to the closer distance and he couldn’t let the other spot it, but it never dawned upon the other as he dodged his attacks, one kick after another.  
  
  
Jongdae seemed to have made his point. “Have you forgotten how to use your fists?”  
  
  
“I know everything you taught me.”  
  
  
“Is that why you shot, Jisung?” Jongdae backed down, shifting to make the distance grow bigger and partially to keep the other two safe right beside him, promising not to take a look at Kyungsoo. Not to let the disappointment seep into him, because that was probably how the single daddy must be feeling right now.  
  
  
“You… He approached me because you told him!”  
  
  
“Did he ask you to wear girl’s clothes? Told him they had suit you well.” Jongdae bit his bottom lip harshly, drawing blood before tasting it on his tongue; cold and metallic. He hated wearing those clothes. They only reminded him of his first target, the first one to strip him of his dignity.  
  
  
Still he rose like a phoenix from the ashes.  
  
  
“Kris turned you into a puppy. You were a lot more temperamental back then.” Jongdae took a few steps back when his master approached him, but instead the tall man stopped right in front of Joonmyeon, surprising Jongdae. He was not going to…  
  
  
“You shot him well though. I was immediately reminded of your talent which Kris doesn’t even know how to appreciate. Not the killer instinct beneath that cheerful appearance neither the glorious way you suck-“  
  
  
“Hands off,” Jongdae warned the man, gritting his teeth when an arm came up to rest on Joonmyeon’s shoulder, so casually one could mistake them to be old friends. The journalist on the other hand seemed acutely scared, Jongdae could hear his heart beating, or maybe it was his own. Distinguishing sounds and feelings was hard when he could feel the blood pumping through his veins, so closely to his ear.  
  
  
“Did he suck your cock, too?” This time around his master turned towards Kyungsoo and Jongdae really wanted to ram his knife into the man’s throat. For once he thought that spilling blood would be quite alright. _Bleed until you die._  
  
  
He could see Kyungsoo nod from his peripheral vision, wondering why he was even responding. Perhaps in order not to anger the unpredictable piece of shit in front of him. Why was it even so quiet? What were his partners doing? Finished by now? Maybe even… No, defeat was not an option.  
  
  
“He’s good at it, right? He can do so much more-“  
  
  
“Are we here to fucking talk?” Jongdae screamed, catching the taller man off guard. He had never spoken up or gone against the other’s words, had never screamed or cursed. Life turned around, he changed. Jongdae came to terms with himself. He had been tormented for 10 years. 9 years did it take for him to get past it, completely. Even now Jongdae was still fighting his inner demons from time to time. It was getting better, he was not going to let that man take everything away, even if his chances with Kyungsoo were beneath ground level, considering all he had done, everything he had kept secret from the other.  
  
  
“You don’t seem to remember everything I had taught-“  
  
  
“All the useless orders. Submit or die. Listen to me. I don’t need them anymore, you’re not gonna exist any longer, you’re gone by tomorrow, your existence will be non-existent to me by tomorrow,” Jongdae said, turning on his heels to gradually walk away from them, “I had looked up to you in the beginning, thought you were admirable. Turned out you’re not. I won’t forget about what you did.”  
  
  
“Oh, you mean, how I told you to kill Eunhyuk to feel better. Did you not?”  
  
  
Donghae was the only friend he really had, although the boy had never especially cared about Jongdae. Obviously. The subtle touches were meant to be encouraging, something he couldn’t have known at that time. Looking back on it, he was a fool, one who had no idea about feelings. Only felt furious and destroyed, who wanted be freed of these suffocating circumstances.  
  
  
“Never.”  
  
  
“Your first kill was admirable.”  
  
  
“Nothing ever was admirable!” Jongdae wanted to pull at the string, make that fucking thing fly back, stabbing the old man in the process. The thread was glistening in the moonlight which was suddenly flooding the hall through the small window at the roof. It seemed thicker now, exposable to be exact. He swallowed hard.  
  
  
“Not even that rescue mission?” He pointed at the place where Soyoung had been sitting on a chair moments ago. “I didn’t even notice.”  
  
  
“That’s the thing,” Jongdae said, leaning back against a container, calculating a little in his head to make the angle seem right, but unfortunately the other two heads were in the way. He hadn’t count them in.  
  
  
“Thing?”  
  
  
“Not noticing. Not then, not now. Kyungsoo and Joonmyeon? Can you touch your feet by bending down?” The two looked at him, worried he had lost it by now but still followed his words, bending down to touch their feet, which made Jongdae wonder if they had lost it by now.  
  
  
“What are you-“ Jongdae turned on his heels, running away before pulling hard at the string, the knot around his finger going loose as the knife came flying back, hitting his master on the back of his head, more accurately the weapon penetrated his skull, blood spilling onto Joonmyeon’s clothes who only screamed in horror, staring at the dead body in front of him, as a large pool of blood was built around the man’s head.  
  
  
“Soyoung!” Kyungsoo suddenly called out loud while Jongdae climbed the container again, helping Soyoung down before letting her run over to her father. He deemed it rather safe since there was no fighting going on anymore. The sudden appearance of Kris at his side made it seem much better, really.  
  
  
“Sssh.” The slightly older male wrapped his arm around Jongdae’s neck, kissing the top of his head briefly before leading them outside. Joonmyeon seemed stable, although his face told the student something entirely different. He was sure that the other was scared for life, but this was usual business for Jongdae by now. Kyungsoo was holding Soyoung close to him until they reached the rest of the group.  
  
  
They looked unharmed. Briefly. Jongdae’s eyes rested on Luhan, who was holding his side, breathing heavily. “You owe me.”  
  
  
“Let’s get him treated. I advise you to come with us,” Kris said, eyes steering towards the outsiders, who only nodded.  
  
  


 

 

◆

  
  
  
  
  
Yixing took care of Luhan’s wound, since he was easily the most acknowledgeable about bullet wounds. Kris sat together with Zitao and Minseok, talking about their situation. The threat was gone and Yunho had not been behind it. Kris was assured that it was going to be safe once more and that they could continue business like usual even if the police were to find all the dead bodies at the hall. All of them were former 14k members, their tattoos at the back scratched or covered by another tattoo, a sign of leaving or being thrown out.  
  
  
14k would be pleased, Kris deemed. Everybody hated traitors. Zitao smiled, playing with his thumbs before wrapping his arms around the other male. Minseok let out a sigh of relief, glad that he didn’t need to worry anymore, not about himself, the group or Jongdae.  
  
  
Joonmyeon stuck to Yixing like glue when the male left Luhan to rest. Jongdae understood well because there was something oddly calming about the older male. He had often sought for the other’s help. Yixing was always able to help him even if it were only encouraging words or small actions, like a present the next day, a self-cooked meal or working on a choreography together. Anything to get Jongdae’s mind of petty things and thoughts.  
  
  
While everyone was busy, Kyungsoo, Soyoung and Jongdae remained at one of the desks in the club, right next to the stage. The student didn’t know what to say, weirdly quiet as he held the girl in his arms, dandling her until she fell asleep. She hadn’t muttered a word after the incident, but something told Jongdae that she listened to him and even kept her eyes closed, fingers in her ears, playing their favourite _I can’t hear or see_ games. Jongdae taught her in order to find some peace in utter silence.  
  
  
“I am-“ Jongdae started, but there was suddenly Kyungsoo’s hand on his cheek, stroking it ever so gently.  
  
  
“Not sorry,” he finished the sentence but Jongdae only shook his head, because that was certainly not the case. He was a million times sorry, for a million things. “I showed you that sticky note on purpose. I knew you’d turn up and heck, you saved us.”  
  
  
“N-No, you don’t understand, it is because-“  
  
  
“I was so destroyed when Liyin, Soyoung’s mama died. Life was miserable. I searched for years, never found Jisung and then there he was, the mass murderer, on tv. I was at the press conference. Inquired more about his death. Shot through the eye, perfect. He bled out, cruel enough. You were my savior. I approached you with that knowledge. I mean, I didn’t know, but hoped to find you. It became clear with all the sticky notes send my way. I knew all about Chen, although I didn’t know if it was true. At some point I wanted you to prove them wrong. You-“  
  
  
“I am sorry, Kyungsoo, for not telling-“ He was shushed when a finger was pressed to his lips, a sleazy smile on the younger male’s lips. Jongdae was slightly irritated by now.  
  
  
“Proved them all wrong. You’ve been nothing but an embarrassing, cute, shy mess of feelings. You draped yourself over me and when it didn’t work you seemed confused, mentally debating with yourself. Nevertheless, you remained the ethereal being they all made you out to be, all giggles and laughs, sweet smiles and subtle flirts. Off limit for all of them, but deeply interested in me. I knew there was something wrong.” Jongdae’s lips twitched, edges of his lips still drawn upwards although he felt horrible.  
  
  
“I-“ Kyungsoo shot him a look and Jongdae turned quiet immediately.  
  
  
“I was your target. I reckoned. I thank Kris for giving you that mission. I’ve been missing a free spirit to make my days seem brighter and easier. That was you. Honestly, I’ve been confused ever since you touched me there quite profusely,” he mentioned downwards, a smile tugging at his lips, “but thinking back now, I was smitten by you. Not an easy feat for a straight man to want another man’s lips on his cock.” Jongdae’s eyes widened, hands caressing Soyoung’s back, feeling her steady breathing against his neck.  
  
  
“I decided to keep you around. When you got drunk on me, I thought that was going to be your tactic, but that wasn’t it, right? You don’t seduce someone by honking over their toilet.” Jongdae felt more than slightly embarrassed, eyes scanning the ceiling to avoid eye contact. “A few things made sense by then, you’ve never been exposed to social gatherings much, right?”  
  
  
“I’m more of a nerdy loner at university… Guess, yes.” Kyungsoo chuckled quietly, eyes turning into crescent moons.  
  
  
“Obviously.”  
  
  
“I mean, heck, you were flirting with that woman and I was just so fuming with jealousy. That had nothing to do with social gatherings really,” Jongdae argued, pouting at the other man. That was not fair.  
  
  
“I know. I just wanted to have an explanation.” Jongdae blinked for a moment, whacking Kyungsoo over the head with his hand in the next one. That seriously was not fair. He was playing with Jongdae. There was only a hint of smirk on the younger male’s face, before he continued. “It was quite obvious, but you were still such a cute piece of shit. Seeing you naked however made me realise how much of a man you were and how much I wanted you. I fucking kissed you before I knew it. You were so willing, I forgot myself for a moment.”  
  
  
Jongdae watched Kyungsoo attentively, how his big doe eyes stared into his own. It was honesty speaking to him right now. Something he hadn’t been able to give the younger male.  
  
  
“I knew I would fucking throw myself at you the next time I saw you. I mean, how can I not? I’m a man with needs, too. Something told me you’d be good at taking care of them.” Jongdae grimaced and Kyungsoo pulled the older man’s chair closer to his own, pushing the table aside. Both hands were grabbing his thighs, squeezing them gently.  
  
  
“I was told to reconsider, but I was in too deep already. I wanted to ask you about everything you’ve gone through, all the things I have read but honestly, you were a different person and I’ve come to grow really fond of that one. I don’t need explanations anymore. What stays in the past, stays in the past. I thought meeting you again would only be a coincidence, but no, you turned out to be an assistant to the nursery teacher at Soyoung’s kindergarten. She easily started to love you and I was shocked and surprised, to see you taking care of kids. You were so good at it, even the nursery teacher I talked to praised you.” Jongdae made a strange kind of gasp, remembering how she had scolded him almost every day. “You made all of that seem easy. I dropped the article after I met you at the zoo. Heroes who want to stay in the dark, should do so, besides… I couldn’t write about the one who saved me. I remembered Baekhyun telling me to grab my chances and I did. Nothing I regret about donating 800$.”  
  
  
Jongdae smiled slightly, leaning over to kiss Kyungsoo gently and briefly. The response was all he needed.  
  
  
“We all have psychological scars, but we don’t let them define us, right? When you’re with me… don’t be reminded of them.” Jongdae nodded, sighing quietly before looking up at Kyungsoo.  
  
  
“You’re too kind, I’ve been lying to you all this time.”  
  
  
“Yours words, never your eyes or your body. You can be faking emotions, but you cannot make your real feelings seem untrue.” Kyungsoo grinned slightly, hands brushing over Jongdae’s at the back of Soyoung.  
  
  
“Kyungsoo… while that may be true. You’re not entirely safe staying with me, if you still want to-“  
  
  
“Are you kidding? If you’re not going to move into my house, Soyoung will hate me. Besides, how else would I get my hands on you again?” Jongdae scratched the back of his head with one hand, wondering about how talkative Kyungsoo was.  
  
  
“You’re open today.”  
  
  
“We all need to jump across shadows to get what we want, right? I know this life is not safe but everything in here feels safe. They call you family and consider you as a brother, admirable to me. I don’t think life will be the same again, now that I have you, but I’d like to try and not throw everything away,” Kyungsoo explained, slicing his fingers through Jongdae’s fingers, while the other hand was still holding onto Soyoung.  
  
  
“To have you accept me is like heaven,” Jongdae uttered, slightly embarrassed and unsure of what the future had in store for them. From now on though, it could only get better. He had Kyungsoo and Soyoung at his side, two families to surround him, more than he ever had or could be grateful for. Two families to protect and keep safe, if someone dared approaching them again. You never leave the mafia completely, but peace can be more than just a temporary occurrence.


End file.
